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Personal life unhinged... Dagnabit!

Friday, March 29, 2013

Ugh! Self control ... I screwed it up big time on my job -- lost my patience with a snotty, rude student and wrote something mean on her grade sheet. She's a disruptive and rude college student who I tried to counsel but she wouldn't listen in my office. She was soooooo incredibly disrespectful and has outbursts in class, and I wrote on her grade sheet that she should "keep it shut" (meaning her mouth)...Not my finest moment. She told my Chair and he brought it to my attention and asked me to refrain. But that wasn't the thing. It didn't stop there. No. emoticon

One of the administrators (attilah the hun) promoted his secretary to a director's position -- personnel. My friend, the former director, died last month, my paycheck/benefits were screwed up afterwards (understandable), but then the administration disrespected her memory. So all of this was boiling up and then we find out a secretary with no degree or experience, is promoted to take her job. I lost it. emoticon I said what shouldn't have been said to someone it shouldn't have been said to, and she told. Then SHE got puffed up about it and acted like I owed her an apology, when she is the one who betrayed my trust (a private conversation we were having...) I apologized, but feel terrible. I know that's the price you pay for doing wrong. You are supposed to feel badly about it, and I do. I accept that. emoticon

They say you won't change anything in your life until you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know that my workplace is a stressful place and has contributed to unhealthy body I've gotten over the 7 years I've worked there. But that's not their fault either. They're proud to be a bad place, but I don't have to be. I have to remember everything I've done over the last 9 months to lose weight and increase fitness. emoticon I feel emotionally much healthier, and my body is improving in amazing ways. emoticon What I've been able to do with the help of SP over the past 9 months, has helped tremendously -- and it was done in the face of some major emotional stressors. I have to keep working! emoticon

What I have to start doing more of, is WRITING, WORKING FOR EQUALITY IN OUR WORLD, and pursuing more of MY heart's desire in the organizations I care about. emoticon These are my PASSIONS and what I've dedicated my whole life to. Until I can support myself through my writing and speaking engagements, I will do my best to stay at this college. It's the pits, but I know everything happens for a reason -- I'm here to learn something and change something and do something. emoticon

Sorry to rant, especially when the fault for talking too much was mine...I accept responsibility for talking when I should have been writing...and for writing when I should have been talking...Lord let me get this together so I can have the life I deserve. I'm sick and tired. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PATTIE441
    I hear ya girl. I totally understand. I have had that happen a lot to me over the years of employment with doctors and office personnel and working the front office. You are a wonderful person, and I know how stress can totally wreck our bodies. I am praying for you girl, and know you are in my heart. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    “Some people won’t be happy until they’ve pushed you to the ground. What you have to do is have the courage to stand your ground and not give them the time of day. Hold on to your power and never give it away.”

    Donna Schoenrock
    1908 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/30/2013 7:38:43 PM
    And haven't we all lost it at one point or another when things are just not right!!! Watching the suck-up get promoted, having to deal with unqualified people, being betrayed by co-workers. yup, it does happen to all of us at one time or another. I have learned to not share too much at work. Makes me sad to not be able to trust the people I spend so much time with, but that is how it goes.

    Remember that this too shall pass, and keep taking care of yourself!


    1909 days ago
    (HUGS) I have been there done that and paid the piper. This too will pass.
    1909 days ago
    You haven't done anything the rest of us haven't. Sometimes you just need to vent. Believe me I know. It is at these times I believe I learn who my "real" friends are. Over the years, I have learned that my job is just my job. Most of the people that you work for and with could care less about you beyond that you are getting your job done. You have the right attitude to put your efforts into your passion. I know some people will disagree with this, however, I have given my all to jobs over the years and have been "dumped" on for my efforts and extremely underappreciated. Now I just look at it as a job and the people as co-workers. My real life is outside of my employment. Best of luck to you and hang in there. emoticon
    1909 days ago
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