Fun and Mental is Fundamental

Thursday, March 28, 2013

“We must face tomorrow, whatever it may hold, with determination, joy, and bravery.”
~Mr. Magorium

I learned a very important lesson this past week, one should always speak kindly and with as much tact as possible as you never know what another has been through or is going through. I have always been a soft spoken person who cares about the words I direct towards others but this past weekend was a great reminder in just how important your words can be in either tearing someone down or lifting them up.

Against my better judgment I went on a somewhat blind date this past weekend, I say against my better judgment because in my heart I knew that right now is my time to shine, it is a season of time to focus on my goals specifically my fitness, nutrition, health and finishing my degree. Having a relationship takes a huge part of that focus away. I say sort of blind date because this guy and I had exchanged pictures and talked all week before deciding to meet. After a week of talking to each other we started to like each other in a personality sense and were very excited to meet. He was warm, friendly and very open about himself. We talked about our passions and how fitness and nutrition is a huge thing to us both. We met Saturday night and he was acting so weird the whole time, I asked him if he was nervous or still feeling sick and he said not nervous just a little sick still so I shrugged it off. At the end of the night it ended well with a hug and kiss then we parted ways. The next morning I text him as I normally would saying “good morning” about 20 minutes later I get a text that shook my foundation. He said he felt a little deceived by me as I was bigger than my pictures indicated or than I lead him to believe by all my talking about counting calories and fitness that I was in shape. He said he liked me but was very torn by the situation. But he felt my pictures do not show who I really am…
I was shocked, hurt and baffled by this, to be clear my pictures have not been tampered with nor are they old at all in fact most of them were taken two months ago before I lost 30lbs, after having so many people praise and cheer me on for my weight loss and determination here was one person that decided to tear me down for it. After the tears subsided I decided to text him back with the best response I could think of, I told him I am sorry if he felt deceived as that was not my intention. I am obsessed with fitness and nutrition as that is a huge part of my life and just because someone talks about such things all the time doesn’t mean they are a size 2 which looking at my pictures clearly I am not. It seemed like to me if in person he decided that he just didn’t feel anything for me why not just say I am sorry I just am not that into you. Why tell someone they are not good enough?

I struggled with this for days after feeling like no matter how much I try I will always be seen as less and why try when even after losing 30 pounds I am still seen as fat and unacceptable. Then it dawned on me that it ultimately doesn’t matter what this guy thought I can either use his opinion to cripple me or I can use it to fuel my fire for success. I stood in front of the mirror and thought sure one guy didn’t like you, who cares… it only matters that I like what I see and truth be told I love the changes I have worked hard for and I love me.

A friend once said “ If you want to Soar then you must learn to F.L.Y. (First love yourself)"

So far I may have dropped nearly 36lbs and I have broken some huge mental blocks that have kept me where I was but the biggest breakthrough has been learning to love myself in any stage through every change. I honestly do love whom I was (she taught me so much) whom I am (is learning and pushing limits) and who I am becoming (knows no boundaries she can accomplish anything)

So far this week I have been very diligent in my workouts and I am starting to find that a lot of it is mental and now that I am past my mental block (work outs are torture not fun) I am having actual fun doing workouts. I am loving Coach Nicoles 28 day bootcamp as well as doing an hour and just dance after makes me feel like I am having fun like a kid.

No matter what anyone tells you, you don’t have to stay within the lines.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Ok ok... I had to control myself here lol. I won't comment on the gentleman and I use that term very loosely here. Let's just say this it's is definitely his loss and not yours. Someone like that would be a horrible person to get involved in and he actually did you a very big favor and you won't have to waste anymore time with that.

    His opinion you should definitely not take to heart. In fact you shouldn't take anyone's opinion to heart. Take to heart the work you are putting in to change your life. You are doing a fabulous job and one jerk should not come between you and the awesome progress you are making.

    Also what I have learned is I don't have to be attractive to everyone. I don't even know if that is possible lol. I just have to be attractive to the right person for me. I guarantee you, you will be. Just because that guy isn't right for you does not mean that the right guy isn't out there. Believe me you will know the difference right away as his behavior won't be like any guy you have dated before.

    Keep improving yourself and focusing on becoming a better you for you. When you meet someone in that process it has a much better chance of success.

    1913 days ago
    Great insight. I am always bewildered at how superficial some people can be. My husband (God bless him) met me when I was skinny and I have gained about 50 pound since being with him, yet he still loves me. If someone is into you, I hope they would see the inner you, the real you. The outside is a shell that we are always working on to make better. Good luck and keep your head held high.
    1913 days ago
    I am so sorry about this!! You have made amazing progress - 36 pounds + a healthier lifetsyle! There is no better gift to yourself than good health. Shame on him for being so shallow and not seeing the real you, for being so fixated on outward appearances and his own assumptions (why can only "skinny girls" be the ones concerned with fitness and nutrition? Shouldn't everyone be concerned with being healthy?). You deserve to be loved and appreciated no matter what the scale says!!

    1913 days ago
  • SISSIE21
    I have to tell you, you are so, so lucky that this guy showed you who he really was on the first date. Can you imagine figuring out the kind of person he was after you started to really get attached? Be glad he opened up right away and run, run, run from those type of men!
    One of the things that I love about my husband is that he has loved me when I was small and he has loved me when I am big, and every size in between. You deserve to be loved by someone who will see you by who you truly are, not by some preconceived notion of what the size in style is at the moment! By today's standards, Marilyn Monroe would have been considered chunky!
    So keep on going, for yourself! Not for anyone else! And you are right, we have the opportunity to uplift or tear down with our words. I have experienced how uplifting you can be in your blogs. Now you deserve to be with someone who can do the same for you!
    I love the way you took a painful situation and turned it around into something good. Now that's powerful! emoticon emoticon
    1913 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/28/2013 4:24:06 PM
  • BERRY4
    I'm sorry for the pain those words caused you. -- But you are taking what happened and choosing to "frame it" in a way that will help you to grow.
    It's interesting that you share an incident regarding WORDS. Just yesterday, I was challenged by a sensitive person to evaluate my words more carefully, as well as the words I allow in my home (3 teens). I just called her and thanked her for being willing to step out of a comfort zone and remind me of the power of words in the lives of others.

    May you find grace for the you pursue health and fitness!
    1913 days ago
    Wow, what a great blog! I am so inspired by you. I was pretty upset when I read the first part about this guy's comments, but you turned it completely around and used it to reinforce your belief in yourself and your goals even more! You are so on the right track and I wish you so much success!
    1913 days ago
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