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Really Mother??!!

Thursday, March 28, 2013

So, everyone who knows me, knows the drama with mom and her health. Anyone who doesn't and wants to be bored into a coma, feel free to read past blogs (aka rants-about mom, my teen, wisconsin snow, my son's chihuahua, life in general, lol) to catch up.

She called me earlier tonight (while I was trying to get a massive migraine under control-ugh) to try to get sympathy from me because my sister had just caught her outside at the nursing home smoking a cigarette?!!

Okay. Here is how it went. My sister told her she was busted. I chewed her out. Mom says "I knew I shouldn't have told you"

Me: Friday night you told me you were going to quit, you were still in the hospital and didn't have the choice to smoke, but wanted me to tell you how proud I was of you. Now as soon as you are released from the hospital, it didn't even take you 24 hours to sneak a smoke?!

Mom: One of the nurses offered, and it was only one...

Just for the record, there were a TON of nasty retorts running through my head, all of them begging to jump out of my mouth-like what the hell was that nurse thinking?!?-but I behaved myself.

Me: According to you, that's all you've BEEN smoking for months now. So what makes today any different than any other day that you haven't quit??

Mom: I know your sister is going to come yell at me, I didn't think you would.

In all fairness to me, I was dealing with a MASSIVE MIGRAINE in addition to a whiney mother. If I would have yelled, my brain would have exploded. Therefore, I was NOT yelling at her. I was chewing her out. There's a difference.

Me: Mother, what have they been telling you? You have COPD and freaking heart failure! Your heart and lungs can't take this crap any more.

Mom: It was only one, and as soon as my kidneys are better, they're going to do the stents to fix my heart...

I'm thinking Woman, don't EVEN get me started on that whole thing again.

Me: Yeah, and then what? You're going to go back to doing what you da#* well please? When is that happening, anyway?

Mom: my kidneys are getting better since the kidney doctor took me off half my meds. Don't say it.

Me: don't say what? I didn't say a THING.

Mom: I know you were going to say something about my doctor.

Me: No, I wasn't. You know what I would say, so I don't have to say it. You can hear dad's voice in your head saying the same things, can't you?

Mom: well, I guess I should let you go take care of your migraine before your sister comes to yell at me.

Me: tell her I chewed you out too. That way she knows I'm not letting you play one of us against the other again. I love you.

Mom: I love you too. even though you're yelling at me.

Really? You call me to brag that you've broken your word-again. You want sympathy for doing something stupid. Don't play the addiction card, she was in the hospital long enough the addiction was gone. You are trying to start trouble between me and my sister again.

And the last thing you say before you hang up is a lie?

This would be the reason why I live as far away as I do. And why I don't call more often. And why it really doesn't bother me to let my sister deal with her.

Is it any wonder I have self-image issues? Yikes! I need to start getting out of my house and away from the phone more. Be too busy for the drama. I will make time when/if she really, honestly needs me. But it took me too many years of hard work to get to where I am, I am not going to let her drag me down with her.

My dad would approve.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You constantly impress me with how well you are dealing with all of this. I'm sorry you had a migraine, but glad you did not yell. Yelling just gives her another way to know she got to you; she gets negative attention instead of positive, but stil attention. You said your piece (don't think I didn't notice how she changed the subject when you brought up your dad!) but you ended with "I love you." That is your strength. You can be SO frustrated with someone, but still love her AND make sure she knows it.

    I know, a little, how that feels. My grandfather died of heart disease when I was young. My mom never made a secret of the fact that cigarettes contributed to his disease and death. He continued to smoke after several heart attacks. When I was older she told me what the final straw really was - he stopped taking his heart medication. See, meds are for sick people. So if he wasn't taking meds, he wasn't sick! Yeah. Doesn't work that way.

    I understand what it's like to feel "if you love me, then you should take better care of yourself so you don't leave me." Not how it works, but I know how it feels. emoticon
    1848 days ago
  • SUNRISE141
    I have to tell you i didn't read all of this blog because of the trama with you and your mom. I lost my mom at 45 and my dad at 46 a brother at 57 and a brother at 62 because of cigarettes . I use to smoke and when i got in church i quit because for me i knew i couldn't come thru as the witness i wanted to be while smoking them but if i hadn't got saved and knew for me it was wrong i would still be puffing them. One day you will be looking down into your moms grave or she will yours don't make the mistake my mothern -law made she rode her daughter every day about those cigaretts and when she diet at 60 my mother-in- law lived for about 15 years after that and had to deal with she should have just been kind and prayed for her daughter to quit . She actually killed the love her daughter had for her . SO SAD ! We are all going to die your mom might live for years after your dead and gone even tho she does smoke .PLEASE PRAY ABOUT THIS NONE OF US HAVE LONG ON THIS EARTH LET'S BE POSITIVE AND LIVE IN LOVE . THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING ON THE TEAM GOD ANSWERS PRAYER AND FOR BEING MY FRIEND ! emoticon
    1848 days ago
    It's not funny but It's her choice good or bad.Smoking is bad and she knows it .Just don't get in between with your sister,remember as kids we try that to get in between mom and dad,Now the mom is trying.Hang in there friend.
    1848 days ago
  • ALICIA214

    My sister suffers from severe migraines and she finds alka Seltzer helps,when she was visiting me several years ago [she lives in Australia now} she was absolutely
    laid flat with a migraine and she asked me if I had any liquid aspirin[what is it?] I took
    the pill she had brought with her to a pharmacist and the listed ingredients matched
    those on the Alka Seltzer bottle. Mystery Solved. maybe it would help you!!

    1848 days ago
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