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sometimes i wonder...

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

sometimes I wonder if things will ever get better in my life. will I ever be on top again. will I ever be able to see the good in anything and feel hopeful. I ask these questions because its been 7 years...7 YEARS...of a steady downhill decline in every aspect of my life. ive lost 4 jobs, 2 cats, my mother, my car, my nice apartment, a long relationship, my best friend moved 100 miles away. I could really go on and on about the losses. I feel like I'm forever trying to "think positive" and hope that "this too shall pass" and yet it doesn't. Im still here in my ghetto apartment, alone, with a horrible job that I stress over every day and cry over every paycheck. I cant afford to go to the doctor when I need to let alone pay for anything ever. if my hairdryer died today i'd be screwed because I don't have $10 to buy another one. I cant even put back $1 a week to save for one becuz I forever need that $1 to survive.

Im feeling at the end of my rope again and I just want to let go. Im exhausted and Im alone and I just want peace. I want to feel peace inside myself. I just want to let go. I just want to let go. Thanks for listening.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You all are making me cry. The kindness of strangers never ceases to amaze me while at the same time reminds me how my own family can be so cold. BUT...I cant control people and I know I have to choose to rise above it and trudge on. I will trudge on.
    Its a beautiful day here in Texas and on the positive side of this job I got to sleep in on a Monday and I get to work outside in the gorgeous sunshine this afternoon. Things could be worse right?

    Thank you again for all the kind words...it means so much to me
    1879 days ago
    Ms. Robin,
    If you can still leave the apt. and go to work. There is still hope. A glimmer of light.
    While you are out, Ms. Robin, please seek counseling. Usually it doesn't cost anything except the transportation to get there.
    I don't know what area you live in, or I would help you find the links.
    There are many free mental health place to go to
    You are in the same dealing with depression team as I am. Believe me when I say, I do understand. Though this path is yours' alone.
    Ms. Robin, you show great inner strength going through all of this. Keep it up. Your courage is insurmountable.

    We all need help at times. Find your area's Human Resource Center.(whatever it's called) Get all the information they can give you...
    food banks
    EBC cards
    Housing assistance
    Further job training
    Any thing YOU may deem appropriate for you.
    It may be suggested that you go on temporary disability. Depression is a Debilitating Disease.

    Baby steps, Robin, one step at a time. Right now I would suggest getting counseling as the most important.

    What helps me, and this is ONLY a personal suggestion. Is spirituality. This however, may not be your cup of tea. Find what feels right for YOU.

    We all can make suggestions and try to give encouragement. But is doesn't really help at times, does it. You need face to face human contact. At least a voice on the phone.

    Tis your path Ms. Robin. No one can walk it for you. Only beside you.

    Many blessings.
    1879 days ago
    the first step is any journey is to have a destination. where is 'on top' for you? Where would you like to be one year from now?
    1882 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    It's probably not helping to dwell on how long it's been unless it moves you to do something new. If it just makes you feel hopeless, try to let it go. Are you part of a church at which you could get pastoral counseling? Any real-life or online support groups for those in similar conditions? Any adult programs for more support with a job search? Any chance to relocate where there are more opportunities? A chance to share housing to bring costs down? I know it can feel worse for people to point out options you may have thought of but decided weren't feasible for you, but I hate to see you trying to handle this alone.
    1883 days ago
    thanks everyone...I agree that nothing stays the same, however for me, it just keeps getting worse. and 7 years... 7x365=2555 days...of downhill...its to the point of impossible to think it will ever get better. I just don't get it. I know I should be learning lessons and believe me, I certainly have. but...geez.
    1883 days ago
  • INDIBLUE7240
    I am going to keep you in my prayers, that things will turn around for you soon. emoticon
    1883 days ago
    I am sorry to hear yau are having such a rough time. I understand how hard it is to be positive when things are so difficult. I like what Katrinakat23 has written "Nothing stays the same. Neither the good times or the bad times." I hope things get better for you soon.
    1883 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    Difficult times can be the catalyst to drive us deeper within ourselves for our essence, which in the end does not change no matter what the outer circumstances. It is the real source of peace. I hope you feel that essence at least some of the time.
    1883 days ago
    emoticon wow you've had a lot to deal with - I hope my kind thoughts, though not readily practical, help offer you some support emoticon
    1883 days ago
    emoticon emoticon I know life can be so tough sometimes. Just remember that nothing stays the same. Neither the good times or the bad times. Things will get better and I hope it will be soon for you.
    1883 days ago
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