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Being Honest

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Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Today is day 36 of my current streak!

I was thinking today about how different my life has become since I started my first streak last year. Back then, exercise was SO not important to me. I belonged to a women's gym, and although I went there on a regular basis, I never pushed myself at all during my workouts. I just did the circuit at a lazy pace, chatting with the other women there and not doing a darned thing to break a sweat or get my heart rate up. And I would think "oh, I'm working out, I'm in pretty good shape for how fat I am!"

Isn't it amazing the things we can convince ourselves of, and the lies we can tell ourselves? I honestly had myself believing that I was fit and healthy, even though I weighed 286 lbs, binged on junk food in the middle of the night while everyone was asleep, and didn't even WORK my workouts!

But yet, for all the lies I told myself, there was no way I could ignore the fact that I would get out of breath just from walking across the room, or the way my whole body hurt, or the way I had no energy for living my life. So once again, I lied to myself. I'd tell myself that my knees hurt so much from working out, and that the reason I was out of breath so easily was because of my blood pressure medication.

When I started my streak, I knew I had to be completely honest with myself, or as close to it as possible. It was time to admit...my knees hurt because I weighed so much! I was out of breath and had no energy because, aside from that half hour at the women's gym, I spent the rest of the day sitting (or laying) around watching TV or Sparking!

Once I started being honest with myself, things started to change. I quit the women's gym, and I started working out at home. I stopped buying junk food, hiding it in my purse, and then eating it at 2 in the morning in a dark kitchen. I bought healthy food, and I started tracking it like it was my mission in life.

It was not easy, and its still not easy. I struggled in the beginning, and I struggle to this day, but thats okay. Before I started streaking last year, I struggled just to MOVE and BREATHE. Now I struggle to IMPROVE a little every day.

My streaks aren't perfect. I have had to start over a few times, but I'm proud of starting over because that means I didn't quit! I have had huge successes and also huge failures, but I've kept going and I've made progress. I'm not at my goal size yet, but I know I will get there if I keep pushing myself. In the meantime, I've had a multitude of non-scale victories to celebrate. I've gotten smaller, stronger, healthier and I have learned to love my perfectly imperfect body. I have learned that taking care of my health is the most loving thing I can do for my family.

When I workout now, I strive to push myself hard. I actually LOVE to break a sweat and get that heart rate up. I love the exhilarating exhaustion that comes from a true workout. I never look for the easy way out anymore. I like a workout that challenges me, and then when I get good at it and it feels easier, I move on to something else.

I still love my DDP Yoga workouts because they still challenge the heck out of me! Recently, I've also started doing kettlebell workouts with this DVD;


Slowly but surely, I am getting closer and closer to my goal. In the meantime, I am discovering that I am capable of so much more than I ever would have believed, and I look forward to discovering even more about myself.

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