A little more reflections
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Thanks for all the sweet comments on my blog yesterday. After writing it I felt much better after getting all that crap out and even better after all the nice encouraging comments.
So what if I’m 31and I’m renting my apartment and I’m not married with babies with a job I like. That doesn’t have to be my life because that is what is expected at my age. I have to do what is best for me and not base it on anyone else’s time table. This is my life and I live with my consequences, both good and bad. I had the life I was ‘supposed to’ (minus the babies because seriously who in their right mind would have had babies with that idiot) and that life was miserable! I hated my life then and it was at a complete standstill. I tried moving forward, focus on my health and my goals but ultimately I was miserable. There were so many parts of my life in complete chaos it was hard to enjoy those things that did make me happy. What a difference a few years makes.
My life now is really really great. I have an amazing boyfriend who makes me happier than I could have ever imagined another human being could. We have such a great time together and I can’t imagine a better partner to have in life. I finally get what you are supposed to wait for in a life partner and it still amazes me that I was lucky enough to find it. I have the best friends a girl can ask for. They always have my back and are there to for me whatever I need. A kick in the @ss or a shoulder to cry on. I have a family who loves me and wants the best for me (even in their messed up ways). They can drive me absolutely crazy but they are mine and I love them. I’m watching my nieces and nephews grow up into these adorable little people and the older ones into adults and I’m so proud of them. And I’m proud to be their aunt. I have over come a lot and have a lot to be proud of myself for. My life is moving forward, even if it isn’t in the way I want. I have to be patient but patience has never been a strong suite for me. Patience with children and others, I’m good. But patience with things happening in my life…not so much. I really enjoy my life now and it’s all the changes that I find so daunting and so overwhelming. I’m letting them overwhelm me and keeping me held back and that is so silly. It’s all about where you are focusing your energy. I need to focus on the good, on the things I can change and keep moving forward. I have to have faith in myself that I will make the right decisions and I will be ok. I can’t wallow on what isn’t happening and let that be the definition of what my life is. I should be focused on all the free time I have now being out of school, all the stuff I put on hold and have some fun already. I’m so worried about the future and that’s silly. Its gonna happen either way so why not steer it in a positive forward direction. Why not do the things I know will make life better and continue to grow. It’s all so clear now but it was really mucky a few days ago.
Thanks again for the love and support. I know I can always count on my spark peeps for a good kick in the right direction :)