vent mode

Sunday, March 24, 2013

The lack of support , interest from my bf is getting to me . It kills my fight when I need support and I dont have it . I really have to dig deep and find the strength.. Which isnt something Im new too.. emoticon
It hurts because this is my other half , planning on getting married and yet here I am and I cant get the support from my bf and nor can I express how I am feeling with out getting judged or having it turn into a fight .
So over emoticon , 3 days in a row now .. I'm over it

I dont have a ipad,laptop,desktop.... never got a ipad , though i really wanted one , i wanted a kindle but i got my bf one instead.. didnt replace my laptop but i got my bf one , neither of those am i allowed to used either ... which is like wtf. he doesnt really use the laptop which kinda makes me mad it just sits there ... and yet i cant use it . As for my desktop I gave my mac to my mom because she needed a computer and I wanted her to have a good one .

Everything I do is on my iphone and when I am able to I use the work computer.
My bf has a issued with me on my phone all the time . Where what the heck there is a reason why I am on my phone all the time .

He got my mad about my facebook , he doesnt have one... i deleted my FB page to avoid the drama.

Instagram, I use that to look up fitsporation , i can see transformations and people share recipies and other things , i use that for inspiration and if i come across a good recipie i show him too ..

I am annoyed , I am p*ssed off. emoticon

I went vegetarian and april 9th will make 3 months and I have learned so much and i am being tested in more ways than I can count .
Its not easy

Its not easy eating clean and breaking old habbits and I think I am doing okay .. I have moments where I need the support to be like keep going youve come so far .. I dont get that from him .

Last night I had no food prepped at the house . I went to walmart to do a bit of easter basket shopping for the nieces and nephews .. Then I ended up trying to pick up food for dinner . Where I live there is shopping center with many places to eat and I was like where can I go...
emoticon A lot of places didnt even have a vegetarian option .

I had my bf on the phone and I vented and he said just eat fish ! EAT FISH
Keep in my mind I dont eat any type of meat any more ,including fish and eggs.
I continued to vent on how I didnt realize how non veggie friendly lots of places where i live are and I really have to sit and think of where to eat and even if I did find something to eat it most likely was unhealthy but a last resort to eat ..
I try super hard to make sure I stay away from the processed veggie foods bc thats a trigger food for me bc i just cant have 1 .. i need to eat 2-3 .. yah fail totally working on that

Bf wasnt helping much and i just hung up with him ..

Epic moment: ...
I sat on a bench and watched ppl walk past me and I cried .. I had to option I could either eat meat or find a way to eat something veggie mode ..

Then I had to tell my self to wise up and wake up because youve worked hard to get this far and you need to continue because even though its a slow process its helping your health ! So I wiped my eyes and got a boca burger from zippys...

Seems so simple but honstly i still crave meat emoticon

I just want support from my other half is that so hard to ask for .. seriously !

It looks like I will continue this journey alone as I always have and dig deep.

blessed to have a awesome fitspo community on instagram and sparky community.
everybody is so not judgmental and so supportive and it really does help , it really does .
thank you

if anybody has instagram mine is under puaokalani emoticon
which is my middle name .

anyways off to work i go

thank you for reading my venting
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Good to get that off our chest!
    It is really CHALLENGING to completely change one's entire eating approach and esp. hard to go 100% vegie! So wow - I give you so much credit.
    It's a little worrisome that your bf won't let you use his laptop if it isn't in use... and you bought it for him... just saying that doesn't sound right.
    So I just mention it because I want to be supportive of YOU, and I have really watched how far you have come, and you deserve a really great relationship. You are a really loving and generous person. You deserve nothing less in return. Having that support from a significant other should be a given MOST of the time... of course not 100% of the time can an "other half" support everything we do! Plus, well, guys can be GUYS. Kinda clueless sometimes. But if it is important to you, it should be important to the person you are in a relationship with. SO just pray on that or think about it - whatever works for you...
    Okay, as far as the crying and venting, it is truly ALL GOOD. As we make changes it is hard to adjust. When you sat and cried, you were probably Tired, Hungry, and Frustrated.
    Then you vented in the safety of SP, where you can get support and encouragement. emoticon
    So hang in there.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    You will succeed. I know you will! emoticon

    1912 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/26/2013 3:11:37 AM
    Venting can be very helpful, especially in getting our thoughts together and understanding how we really think and feel. I am much older than you are and have some advice to offer. Please take it in the kindest sense. What I know for SURE is that your boyfriend is not going to change. I also know for SURE that giving up what you need and who you are on the deepest level will not work in the long run. Dating and even the engagement period is the right time to consider whether your choice of a life partner is the right one for YOU. I hope you will read your blog again over the next few days and see how you are describing your relationship. We each deserve to be supported by the important people in our lives when we are doing things that make us happy and healthy. I wish you the BEST!

    1913 days ago
    I hope you can work things out with your boyfriend. He sounds a bit controlling!
    1913 days ago
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