I am still a overwhelmed by the response my blog in February received. Since the popularity of it exploded some questions have been posed. First and foremost is "What is my happy and how do I find it?" Unfortunately that is a very personal question and I can't answer that for anyone but myself... However I can share how I found my happy. I can share the steps I went through. Then maybe just maybe those can help lead you on the path to your own. some things that help me on the way were of course the fabulous community on spark people, the book and movie "The Secret" and last but definitely my faith. I have a very deep faith but I am not very "religious" per se. But having an ability to walk by faith definitely helped me through some tough times. So what are the steps I went through?
1. Honesty and Accountability
I was honest with myself that i wasn't happy. That my life was in shambles. I had to be honest that i went through a period of depression when my Dad died suddenly in a car accident when i was 18. i felt responsible and guilty for it because the accident was after he dropped me off at college after a weekend home. He never made it back home. I was in a miserable marriage that made me feel like I was failure daily. Once that dissolved I had a series of failed relationships. One day I got honest with my self I felt guilty like I was the cause of my father's death and I let myself accept anything because I must deserve it because I killed my dad. Ridiculous I know but that is the way I felt on the inside for years. It didn't help at 18 my mother told me it was my fault. so 18 years of my life I lived with that. I took accountability for the mistakes I made in life I owned them. i stopped blaming anyone else for the position of my life. I had put myself in the position I was in. I knew that and I owned it. This leads me to number 2...
2. I am not Perfect
Simple and true but I was a perfectionist. and when things weren't perfect i beat myself up. Until one day my sister said something to me that changed me forever. she said " You are not Jesus! you can't fix everything and you aren't perfect" I didn't realize it till then but I had a Jesus complex. I thought I had the power to make people happy. I thought I had the power to make people love me. I had the power to fix everyone else's emotional baggage while neglecting my own. Oh how I was wrong. My grandmother who lived to 102 had the following quote in her kitchen
I had seen it many times but it never struck home until my sister said what she did. I realized for my entirety I prayed for the wrong things. I prayed that prayer consistently after that. Thngs start becoming clear. The greatest gift God gave man is free will. I can't pray for others to change. I can't change the past. the only thing I CAN change is ME! That lead me to number 3...
3 Do what you CAN...
Henry ford said...
When I started losing weight I was over 350 pounds and had seen as high as 380. I couldn't run. I got winded walking the block. I could focus daily on all the things I couldn't do. But instead i focused on what I could do. I told myself daily to do what you can do. So i did. one day I walked half a mile. after a few times I walked a mile and I did it all extremely slow. But I did it and I let myself be proud that i did it. I couldn't do 30 mins on the elliptical on treadmill so I did 5 on each the next week I did 6 and so on and so forth I did what i could. Each time, Every day I could do more. Somewhere along the line I stopped thinking in cant's and started thinking in CAN's and that has made all the difference. i hand told myself I Can't lose 100 pounds. So I started telling myself I could lose 1 pound a week. in two years that's 104 pounds. I CAN do that. well that isn't 12 -16 weeks like the biggest loser. Well I had been over weigh 18 years being able to all but erase that in two years sounded dang good to me... So started thinking of Can's lead me to number 4
4. What type of life do I want?
A big thing in The Secret and Laws of attraction is positive attitudes and envisioning where you want to be in life. I love to travel I started traveling before I started losing weight. My first visit to an Island I was like "I could really live life like this. I love this!" Well of course I told my self I couldn't have it. that was only for vacations. So in putting away the Can'ts I said I would stop limiting myself intentionally. i start letting myself think of living a life on an island. Enjoying weekends at the beach. enjoying the serenity of the waves crashing ashore. Sometimes I could swear I was almost there. I also started doing things I really liked doing. Going to movies. I joined a free poker league and played regularly. I met friends and family out and about. I started living the life I would want to live even though I was no where near goal. When opportunities arose to travel or try new things I tried them and I kept an open mind and allowed myself to let go of a lot of fears and start walking on faith. i spent a lot of my spare time doing exactly what i wanted to do. Now during this time I didn't have a lot of spare time . i took care of my kids every other week. attended all their games and activities and was working two jobs. But the spare time I did have I enjoyed it. I spent time with people I enjoyed being around and i was thankful and content for all the opportunities.
Then one day last October I say and add for a Job in Hawaii. i was like what the heck and applied. I got a call the next day but then didn't hear anything for a week. I just brushed it off that it wasn't meant to be but I tried. Well not only did I get another call but in 10 days I was in Honolulu preparing for my first day of work. There is plenty of reasons i shouldn't have taken this job. there were a lot of if 's and things that could have went wrong. But I knew I could do it and I have. Last Friday marked 5 months working and living here three weeks a month.
I myself sometimes don't believe it. I am living a dream I had had for over 6 years and something I would have never even known of dreaming of 10 years ago. I am over 105 pounds lighter and I know now I CAN do ANYTHING I set my mind, body and spirit to. THAT makes me happy. That allows me to be a very calm, relaxed person. I don't worry about things I cant control. I don't beat myself up for mistakes. I control me and know who I am. I don't look for that from other people and that has given me a personal freedom I had never experienced in my life.
A friend posted a blog asking if you could change everything and never gained weight in the first place would you. My answer is a resounding no. while it has been a hard, painful, tearful, emotional. draining journey. It has been the most worthwhile thing I have ever done in my life and I have gained so much more than a loss of weight and I wouldn't trade this for the world.
Know you CAN lose the weight. You CAN be happy! You CAN do things you never thought you were capable of. You just have to believe and practice it till you get it right!