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Days 20 - 23 of 'Tude - I QUIT!!!

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Ladies and gentleman, I have called this press conference to make an important announcement. We can get started right away if you would all take your seats and please hold all questions and comments until the end.

Thank you!

Today I am here to announce that I quit! I give up! I am DONE! I am tired of this! I am not going to stand for it any longer! This is too frustrating and I am not going to do it any more!

Please please sit down and let me finish. I know that many of you are surprised and concerned but it is time for me to really be honest with myself.

When I started this journey, I was worried and afraid but I took one day at a time and made small changes. I started seeing lots of great changes in my energy level and the way that my clothes fit. I also began to see the number on the scale go down.

I began to reach out to others on the site as I got familiar with teams. I found many that were willing to help and encourage me.

As time went on, I began sharing my journey in blogs & vlogs and many came along for the ride. I learned much about myself and got lots of advise and inspiration from others.

Then I got too big for my britches. I started to think that I had this all in the bag and that I could fool around with the steps that were moving me forward. It went okay for a while but eventually, things started to slow and go down hill.

I hit a wall after having a huge anxiety attack that totally through me off the track. I lost my way. I couldn't get myself back on track. I began gaining weight and let's just say that there wasn't anything slow about it.

The holidays came and I thought that if I could get through the holidays without gaining a lot of weight, I could get back on track. I thought that the New Year would bring me a fresh start.

Okay it was a fresh start but I wasn't doing the things that I knew I needed to do. I was looking for that magic wand that would put me back on track and take the weight off. I got a wake up call. The New Year was only a new year. There was no magic wand. There was no getting back on track, truly. There was only more weight gain and frustration.

Then at the end of February, I decided that I needed to change my attitude and my thoughts and how I was speaking about myself. Now I can say that this was something that I really needed to do. The things that I had said about myself in the past and the things people had said that I had believed were still burned in my mind and I needed to change them to positive things.

Initially, I was doing well. The positive thinking was helping. I was even losing weight. Then...I hit the middle of the month and although I could talk the talk, the walk was getting harder and harder.

I began to eat to cover the negative. Instead of stopping the thoughts, I just began to eat more and more. The foods that I was turning away from, began to be my best friends.

Today I hit the hardest wall I have hit in a while. I hit the "I just want to quit wall"! This is the wall that tells you that you are never going to lose the weight and that the more that you try, the more you are going to do everything wrong and you will only get fatter and fatter.

I have tried not to have to start all over. I thought that if I rebooted the system, I would be more successful than if I posted a fail and started all over. I think that that was just another mind game that I was playing with myself. I said I was rebooting but I just did a few things and then stopped. All those months that I had goals and worked toward them were successful. The reboot wasn't anything like that. I just played with the whole thing.

What have I been afraid of? I know I want to lose the weight. I hate what I am doing to myself. I feel terrible physically. I am drained emotionally. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

So, with that being said, I am scrapping everything. I am DONE! I QUIT! I am posting a fail. Okay I know that many of you are about to protest this decision but I have to do what is best for ME. I have to take the journey in the way that works best for me. I know that my journey was going well at the beginning and then outside influences knocked me down. I know that although I thought I was picking myself up, dusting myself off and moving forward, I was not fully engaged. I wasn't fully sure of what I was really doing.

Tomorrow is the beginning of the week so I am taking my fail today and beginning fresh tomorrow. I am going to be a newbie! I am going to put all this crap in the past and forget about it. I am going to begin again. A new creature! A new attitude! A new goal! A new plan! A new outlook!

I hope you all will be here to take this journey with me. I need your help! I need your support. I need your encouragement. I need your inspiration. Most of all, I need to stand on my own 2 feet and be a big girl. I need to pull up my big girl panties and DO WORK! I know it will be a bumpy ride so am holding on to my pantyhose and fastening my seat belt.

Okay that is all I have for today. Originally, I was going to open this session up for questions, but I think I will just call an end and go get prepared for tomorrow.

Thank you for coming!

Much love!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Whoa! I think I've found my stunt double! You wrote exactly what I've been thinking, and what I've been going through since the holidays too. I'm struggling to get back on track, and haven't been doing the greatest at it. But as long as I'm starting over, even if it's every single day, it means I'm trying and that I'm doing something better for myself than not doing anything at all. Baby steps and I know we can both get to where we were half a year ago.
    1763 days ago
    It is not a failure. You are just giving yourself a fresh start.
    Don't beat yourself up. Detours happen. It' s what you do about it that matters.
    I know that your a strong determined person. You can do this..It won't be easy,
    but you are so worth the effort. Keep positive thought in places you will see them.
    You may not realize it but so many of us admire you. You are the real deal, an
    inspiration to all.
    1856 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1857 days ago
  • LINDAK25
    1857 days ago
  • TERESA159
    Smart lady. Do-overs are a must. You can put it all behind you and move forward now.
    1858 days ago
    emoticon I think you have this :)

    1858 days ago
  • KIPPER15
    Not a fail at all. A do over! emoticon
    1858 days ago
    You haven't failed we sometimes have to get on new path and try going in a new direction You are a success emoticon forward
    1858 days ago
    i'm right there with ya!! hugs
    1858 days ago
    You can do this. I'm on board and i will do my best to keep you motviated. No questions just ready to help.
    1858 days ago
    1859 days ago
    Sometimes, you just do have to wipe the slate clean and start fresh!
    1859 days ago
  • JCV501
    Like I said once before, I can't wait until you really commit yourself to doing what you say. You won't leave it all will be there every day and you will have to reject it, fight is called spiritual WARFARE for a reason........take every thought captive to Christ. If you are a true believer then you have the power of the Holy Spirit to fight those battles.....the same power that raised Jesus from the dead. The victory is there for you if you are willing to say no to self and yes to the Holy Spirit...........every time.............many times a day...............every day. "He that is in you is greater than he that is in the world".
    1859 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/24/2013 9:13:03 AM
    Its NOT a fail. It would only be a fail if you just gave up completely. Starting over is SUCCESS, and you rock!
    1859 days ago
    It's easy to come here and post a weight loss, an inspiring work-out or some other good news. It's hard as heck to come here and admit how BIG our weight issues really are and how much it can overwhelm us. Bravo! You show great courage! I'll be the tall one cheering you on! XOXO
    1859 days ago
  • POPSY190
    You're being honest rather than failing. It might pay to get some more help from a professional re the anxiety attacks (I've experienced them and wish I'd sought help earlier instead of thinking I should be able to cope). It takes a long time to get unwarranted comments out of your head and emotions. The comments you have received here should tell you that you are never alone in the ups and downs of trying to follow a healthy lifestyle. emoticon
    1859 days ago
    Remember what Thomas Edison once said. "I haven't failed, I've just found 10,000 ways that don't work." You'll get there. emoticon
    1859 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1859 days ago
    I started over, too. I started with a quality decision. I'm not going to give myself permission to "just this time." Yesterday I ate a Subway veggie delite at the pizza party I was invited to. It wasn't even a hardship. We can do this thing, and we'll both stick it out. The only way we can fail ultimately is to quit. We're not quitters! Many blessings on your fresh start.
    Love ya, Mom
    1859 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/24/2013 12:37:02 AM
    Susan, we will always be here for you--as long as you are always here for us. Someone said that you are an inspiration and you are! I have been struggling myself and I need some motivation also. I need to feel the way I did when I first started in Sept 2011. All of this was new and exciting. Now, other than my exercising, it's the same old, same old. I lose a few, regain, lose, regain. Oh, yes, I'll be here for you--you can count on it, because I need you to be here for me. And girl, isn't it time for some vlogs? The best of luck to you! (hugs) Noel
    1859 days ago
    While you are at it, pitch the pantyhose too. Bare legs are in. emoticon I am all for do-overs.
    1859 days ago
    Sometimes starting over, from scratch is the best way. It may feel like a fail, but you have learned things that will make your fresh start much easier this time around. I am amazed at what I am learning about myself just from one day back on the food tracker!!
    1859 days ago
    You may not think so Susan, but you are very inspiring to others. You're not quitting or giving up. You are starting over because you are determined to help yourself. The amount of growth you have shown just in the short itme I've been on SP is incredible, and this IS a growth journey. We all have SO much to learn about ourselves, our bodies, and how to take care of ourselves. I'm here to learn, and to help. We can do it!
    1859 days ago
    I so heart you so much and I love the way you write! I will definitely not protest your fail, because you are accepting your fail with a plan to start fresh, to start shiny and new, and sometimes we NEED shiny and new. I think the reboot thing is a great way to get over minor bumps or bruises in the road, but when we get sucked into a pit of quicksand, sometimes the reboot is just not going to cut it.

    I am excited for your fresh start, cuz you know with my Shred stuff today I am feeling like I kind of have a fresh start too. It is something new, something different, something for me to work towards. I hope this is just what you needed to get things moving and shaking in the right direction again, and you know I am ALWAYS here for you! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1859 days ago
  • IN_IT_2_WIN_IT
    I've been where you are so many times. Likewise I am pulling up my big girl panties. No body and nothing can make this work, but me, and nobody or nothing can make this fail, but me. I am not a failure, the only thing I quit is making excuses.

    I enjoyed reading your blog. Hang in there.
    1859 days ago
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