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Oh my

Friday, March 22, 2013

Oh my is right. Wow I sure don't want to see what those pesky scales have to say this week. I"ve stayed pretty much the same for two weeks and now this week I see a break through but believe me it isn't in the way I would like to see them move... emoticon nope more like emoticon Yup poor poor me.

ok I think I know who I want to be....the best me I can be. But I don't seem to be proving that to myself or anyone right now. I have fallen and can't seem to get back up. I mean it isn't like it is a day off or a weekend of not planning. Nope this is like two years of " I will do this" and then more " darn i'm failing myself yet again".

I've often thought about giving up and just walking away and trying to just be happy with who I am at this moment. The problem with that is that in reality I hate the person I am right this moment. I'm ashamed that I have gained all the weight I lost back, i'm tired to the point of why bother it isn't going to change anything. I do what I should for a week, sometimes two and then I step on the scales and nothing. Nada, zip, zilch. Either i'm the same or im up yet again. I mean since January i've been "back on track"...I'm exactly one pound less today than I was on January 1st. Now that isnt because I worked at it. Nope that is because I didn't believe enough in myself to even hardly begin. I went on vacation a couple of weeks ago and had to "borrow" a few things from my mom so I had something to wear...I was at her house in Florida and what I packed didn't fit. Meaning that anything I had of packed wouldn't of fit. that is the place i'm at. My weekend wear is sweats, my work wear is clothes that fit but they are navy blue and Khaki, the colors of Walmart. So you see there I have to shop for what will fit as I have to have something to wear to the Pharmacy each day...they frown on nudity.....but I digress. It isn't funny. It is sad. I"m sad, mad, upset, ashamed, and mostly envious of all that have or are succeeding at this point. Why? When i'm the reason for the setbacks should I be jealous of anyone? Because I was there. I was the one with the "I lost again this week" posts. I was the one that ate what was good for me and I even found a few things I really liked that I would of never eaten before. I have exercised and I love that part. Probably a good thing or I would way over what I am right now. So as I close tonight, i'm still trying find my way. I won't end this blog because to be honest it doesn't end here. This is the beginning. I have so much baggage inside me right now that I feel like I need to blog it out one day at a time. I may not find a miracle but maybe after i've put it out there I will find a way to heal.

I so want to be the me I know I can be. I'm strong, i'm capable, i'm a doer, and it is time to start doing something that will do me good instead of the things that I have done to myself to hurt me.

Michelle. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    "A river cuts through rock, not because of its power, but because of its persistence."

    I agree with UMBILICAL, Don't let the scale own you. It's just a number it can't dictate who you are or who your going to be.

    Let go of all those things that upset you, forget them, there in the past and no longer matter. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow the sun will rise and life will go on.

    You are STRONG! You CAN do this! Dig deep inside yourself and refuse to waver!

    emoticon Cristina

    1885 days ago
    1886 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/24/2013 12:27:29 PM
    sure its hard but anything worth doing is not easy . if it where easy it would not be the goal you want in your life . do not give up . YOu are worth so much . keep your chin up and stand the ground . it will be worth it in the end . be strong .
    1886 days ago
    Michelle, I like what Fishlady66 had to say. Come back each day and read what you have written. I so know how you feel because I'm right there with you. But...I cannot afford to give up on myself, and neither can you. I want to tell you emoticon but unless we emoticon and pushing ourselves, then no we won't do it. There is a lot of people here for you and I know you know I top that list.
    1886 days ago
    Hang in CAN do this!
    1886 days ago
    Come back and read you blog every day and stay committed. emoticon Don't ever just give up. Take it One Day at a Time. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1886 days ago
  • AM217PERRY
    Resin your focus one day at a time. emoticon
    1886 days ago
    Don't let the scales own you.
    1886 days ago
  • TERESA6262
    You'll get there, Michelle!
    1886 days ago

    i have not gained a pound in over a year.

    i gave up sugar and grain products and lost 44 pounds at age 61.

    my sister lost 105 pounds at age 63 by walking 15000 steps a day and has not gained a pound back either in over a year

    1886 days ago
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