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Growing Emotionaly, Not Growing Another Roll of Fat

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Today I had, what I like to call, an "Oh look, Linda's growing up moment" I came into work and was told by a coworker exactly why I was the worst person in the world, why I "dumped" more work on her when she was extremely busy, and why I can't make a third party behave better. Not the kind of thing I was hoping for first thing in the morning.

Typically, I would have not listened to all the accusations. I would have started replying before they were done, I would have felt guilty all day, I would have been sick to my stomach and probably came home and binged (If I didn't binge at fast food first). Normally, this conflict would have made me cry and sent me in a tailspin for days. What happened today was so startling, that I have been thinking about it all day.

Despite all the things she said to me, I didn't take it personally. I was not a bad person, the decision I made was a bad one. There is a distinction. I realized that I had made a mistake that led to hurt feelings. I had forgotten to include her in an email that she should have been a part of. I apologized. I took responsibility, but I didn't get paranoid about all of the other issues she brought up. {I am condensing about 45 minutes worth of "discusion" and issues because they are many faceted and are too complex to describe here without writing all day }

My reaction of not getting upset and feeling guilty was what puzzled me all day. I even got worried that I should worry about not being upset. I didn't want to involve other people in the building, so I called a friend at lunch and asked if I was under-reacting. While I have tossed the situation around in my mind, I am not letting myself stew. When I stew, I eat. When I eat because of stewing, I feel guilty and stew more; therefore I eat more....and the cycle continues.

While I am not celebrating the situation, I am seeing my reaction to it as meaningful. Do I have some fences to mend? Yup. Do I have a responsibility to do better next time? Yup. After today's unexpected reaction, I see that I can survive a conflict without sabotaging myself.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Friday afternoon, just before it was time to go home this person and I made peace and passed the olive branch. I was glad that although I still feel a little bad about the situation, we at least have taken the step to break the tension and start fresh on Monday.

    It just shows me again, that it was something not worth binging over. I am glad that I was able to step back from the situation a bit and not sabotage myself over.
    1853 days ago
    What's done is done and you can't undo it. You made the right decision to apologize and do all you can to rectify the situation. What is feeling guilty going to do to help you, her, or the situation? It's a waste of time and emotional energy. You did great and have evidence of emotional and/or spiritual growth. emoticon emoticon
    1854 days ago
    WOW!! I know you have some mixed emotions yet but hey....progress happens in little steps and it is a wonderful thing to not dissolve into a guilt ridden downward spiral which wouldn't resolve the situation anyway. Hmm....growing up.....Now I have to ask....What do you want to be when you are all growed up? LOL
    1854 days ago
  • MISSB8604
    Nicely done, that is SERIOUSLY great!
    1854 days ago
  • AUNTB63
    emoticon being accountable for our actions is so important not only in our food choices, but in life generally speaking. "Aha" moments are to be treasured. emoticon
    1854 days ago
    You are so emoticon .
    "A bad decision does not mean you are a bad person."
    That is a great truth!
    Do I have your permission to quote you?

    You are truly growing up, and I sincerely hope you stayed away from binging!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1855 days ago
  • JANET552
    You did a good job of handling the situation. Okay, you made a mistake but the other party needs to own up to her poor handling of what happened. I hope you feel better today and can just move on. Good luck!
    1855 days ago
    Linda, how very hard it is for us to admit we're human. Unfortunately, we do make mistakes. A sincere apology goes a long way towards healing. You handled the situation in the best way you could. Enjoy the new day.
    1855 days ago
    That is a huge (and this is my favorite of all favorite words) epiphany for you... that you have found an area in your life where you are growing up.
    I love those times (most of the time).
    I am not sure how I would have handled that situation, but it sounds like you took very good care of yourself. Remember one thing, what other people think about you is not about you or is it any of your business, even if they are trying to shove it down your throat (bad choice of words) but you get the meaning.
    1855 days ago
    Linda.....big progress my dear!! You made a mistake. Apologize and move on. Don't continualky beat yourself up over an issue she has probably forgotten about. Focus your time and energy on doing somethibg for yourself this evening Read a good book, watch a movie, work out. Don't rely on food to make you feel better. You have great progress and I am very proud of you!!

    1855 days ago
    Ok, I have to admit, I am having more guilt this evening. Still not on a binge, but the internal people-pleaser is revving up and the guilt is creeping in.
    1855 days ago
  • AJB121299
    1855 days ago
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