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Aren't you DONE yet?

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Inspired by CAKEMAKERMOM’s blog “You don't look that big”
I started this as a comment on her blog and it grew into something more that I wanted to share on my own.

I am 5’10” I have a strong frame and an hourglass shape. Generous bosom and wide hips.

I know how to dress, and most of my remaining fat it is hiding around my middle. I told a woman at work who was 5'6" that I was 180lbs and she actually argued it with me until I stepped on the scale in front of her.
Even at my max weight, though visibly overweight, I could always trick the "Guess Your Weight" people at fairs/carnivals. (yes I did it a couple of times) They always under-guessed me. By a lot.
Kinna cool.
Good to know I can carry a little extra without people really knowing.
I do not LOOK as heavy as I am.

The downside it some many friends and family members think I should be done.
No, I am still overweight. I am tired of pulling up my shirt and showing the obvious stomach fat to prove it.
Even an older male co-worker said to me a couple of months ago when a few of my co-workers and I finished our weekly weigh-in together (a tradition that started during our weight loss and walking challenge last year and continue for a few of us as a means of group accountability), “Aren’t you done yet?”
When I said no he looked at me in disbelief and asked “why”

First of all I really find it a little annoying. Yes there is a flattering aspect but at the same time, it is none of their business. Still I explained to him politely about my goals and my body shape and yes that I was CLOSE to my goal.

I could see if I looked anorexic (and I REALLY don’t) people being concerned, but that is not the case.
I honestly think that Americans have really lost track of what “Healthy” looks like.

When it comes to some friends and family, and I hate to say it but I believe it to be true, there is some jealously and resentment mixed in with their hints that I should be “Done”. I have received far more positive reactions to my weight loss and general appearance, but I could write a whole seperate blog post (and might someday) about some of the negative/jealous reactions.

I feel resentful and sabotaged that even my sister, accuses me of being over zealous (actually I think she used the word obsessed) about the exercise. I have a compulsive personality, so I understand her concern but she really does not understand.
I am not over-doing it. I am not working out 2 hours a day very day and refusing to eat. I am eating plenty and trying (yet failing most weeks) to get 35 minutes in 4-5 times a week. Her concern over my obsession I think is fueled by the fact that I get very frustrated when life gets too busy for me to fit it in.
Believe it or not, I find myself wanting to “sneak in” my exercise when she is not home.

But I still know I am not 100% Healthy. Even now that I have lost the Obvious weight, I still have things I want to work on for the sake of my health, to feel good.

Even once I have lost the last 10-15 lbs I will not be done. This is a lifestyle change and if I am ever "DONE" I know I will gain again and be unhealthy again.
I will need to maintain. Continue to exercise and keep my metabolism awake. I have a desk job and only get exercise if I do it deliberately.

I also wish to share this link that CAKEMAKERMOM added to her blog.

I have set it to 180 (my weight)
People need to realize how vastly different those numbers look on different body types.

You cannot be 5’6 and wide framed compare & your weight to a 5’7 friend with narrow hips. It doesn’t work.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I can completely understand your frustration. I've had the same thing happen to me in the past. It's funny how you can be eating yourself to death and no one will say anything, but as soon as you start getting towards a healthier weight people think they are being caring and looking out for you when they try to tell you not to lose anymore weight. It's so annoying. I really feel for you. Keep going and just try your best to ignore them.
    1853 days ago
    If your "obsession" was karate classes, or choir, or learning to swim.... I'm sure that focus would be OK for most family members.
    But to focus, try, stretch and aspire to be healthy? They just won't understand.

    Our world thinks it is fine to spend thousands of dollars to trick out a car with chrome and lights... but we are weird to spend time and money on the vehicle (or body) that we actually live in.

    sigh.... K
    1856 days ago
  • APED7969
    Great blog! People's perceptions are quite skewed these days aren't they? For me the biggest surprise was my mother. She's obese and has plenty of health problems related to it but she still seemed more concerned about my weight loss and desire to run marathons than I thought she would be. I think she is also proud and happy for me but seems to want to make sure I don't take it 'too far'. Not sure where that is though!

    I hope others feedback doesn't start to wear you down because I know it can! emoticon
    1857 days ago
  • CAMAEL100
    I agree with all you have said. I too get the. you need to stop comments. I too am far from looking anorexic!! And I think that when people keep saying these things, it does subconsciously effect me. My mother told my brother I had lunch with her and ate nothing! I had a chicken curry, more than I normally would have only I knew she would be commenting!!

    I remember watching a TV programme on weight loss and one of the people on it (whom I admired!) said that our idea of healthy was gone very skewed and we looked at overweight people and thought they were in normal range. I too have lots of tummy fat and love handles!!!

    That is a great site that cakemaker mom shared. I looked at it and I thought no two shapes looked alike. I think that the only important thing is being happy in ones own skin and no-one call tell us when that is.

    There is no 'being done'! Healthy living is not a short term thing, it is for life!
    1857 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    You do not have to have no fat to be healthy. But I understand your wanting to have consistent movement in your life. That may take away the fat or not. But even people who are officially overweight who eat mostly good quality food and exercise consistently have a longer life expectancy than thin ones who don't.

    Habits determine health much more than weight. I understand and affirm your continued movement towards vital habits in eating and exercise. And in everything else life offers.
    1857 days ago
  • LADYJ6942
    Great blog and all so true. Our journey is our own and keeping a hold of the good habits like exercising is what it takes to maintain.

    Good luck
    1857 days ago
    I'm sure it doesn't help that we have a particularly not skinny community... however you have a lovely grace about you to not get snarky and rude in response :)
    1857 days ago
  • STODD251
    Good points. I also seem to carry my weight well enough that people dont think I need to lose so i dont really mention that I'm trying to lose weight anymore except for a few people I am close to. Everyone else just gets tge "I want to live a healthy lfstyle" speal in which I never mentuon the fact that im still hoping to lose at least 10 pounds
    1857 days ago
    Interesting. I had never thought about this aspect.
    1857 days ago
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