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i know my triggers, WHY do i still succumb to them???

Sunday, March 17, 2013

WARNING! rant is coming! emoticon

okay, some of my triggers... to binge eating...

if i am stressed out emoticon
if i am angry emoticon
if i am sad emoticon
if i am frustrated emoticon
if i am doing well with eating healthy (really if i have been doing well, i "DESERVE" it right?) emoticon
i eat one "bad" thing, i have "blown" it for the day, might as well! emoticon
if i am tired, or exhausted emoticon
late night snacking emoticon

well, this is just a quick list, believe me there are MANY MORE...

darn, i am SOOOOO disappointed in myself. heck, did i even read my blog on MY GOALS, that i wrote earlier TODAY??? i haven't worked out in two days (13 hr and 16 hr shifts at work), and i am still catchin up on sleep today, so i am quite tired today. so... why not down 4 cookies? too tired to work out. what the heck??? i work again tomorrow (another 13 hr shift) so i won't be able to work out tomorrow either.

when one of these "triggers" comes along, my mind goes into overdrive, and seriously, before i can say, "birthin' hips, turkey underarm fat" i am eating like crazy! i don't even give myself a minute to breath and figure that i am about to go down the road of GUILT, in about 3 minutes. i don't know HOW to "catch myself" so i can stop before i binge.

then of course, let the self guilt, self loathing, self deprecation, self shaming begin. *UGH* followed closely by being "a failure, why even try, you mess up ALL the time."

believe me, i want, need, long for my ideal weight and fitness! i want it so bad, sometimes i cry myself to sleep. (wow, THAT was pathetic, eh?) emoticon in my blog, "my goals", i even know the steps to GET there.

so WHY do i keep doing this to myself? i know, cut myself some slack, don't be so hard on myself. yeah, i get it, but if i am not hard on myself, i will NEVER get it done... you know, "tuff love"

sorry, this is a "bit of a downer" today, just cheesed at myself for not sticking with it...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hang in there!!

    hugs, Wendy emoticon
    1890 days ago
    1890 days ago
  • MYRTLE811
    I think that the difference here is that you catch yourself and start again. Just yesterday I did the same thing; I ate foods I could eat, but I overate. When the telephone call came and upset me, the first thing I wanted was something to eat to calm me down. I thought I would burst if I didn't have something. I ate an 8 oz. block of cheese and gobbled it in a few minutes. For a few minutes it worked to stop the jitters I had, then I caught myself and stopped. You do the same thing; it takes time to change a lifetime habit. Congratulate yourself that your stopping. Before this, my binges would go on for days and days while I told myself just one more day. You are on the right track; don't beat yourself up, just move on. You can do it too.
    1892 days ago
  • LOVE2MY3
    Girl, you can't be so hard on yourself! Life is crazy! Life is non-stop! Life really knows how to throw a curve ball! But you can't let life win! We are all going to have days that we are tired, stressed, overwhelmed, unable to workout, and eating everything in sight. It happens. But like you said, you know what you have to do to reach your goal. And I know that you have the strength to do it!

    You are a beautiful person. You are an inspiration. You make me laugh. You make me want to be a better person. So I am first gonna give you some tough love and tell you that you need to get up, dust yourself off, dry your eyes, put your big girl panties on, and get back on your weight loss journey! Taking a few steps backwards is not the end. It just gives you more incentive to to push harder towards your goal. You can do this! You really can! And when you need someone to make those negative voice in your head shut up, let me help! I am here for you 150%!!

    Here is a prayer for you. Give it to God! I hope it helps, and brings you some peace.

    emoticon Dear Lord, gather me up into Your arms with all of my longings, fears, worries, self-doubt and burdens. I admit how futile it is for me to carry these things on my own. May I instead release them into your hands and walk with you by grace through faith. In Jesus' Name, Amen. emoticon
    1893 days ago
  • TERESA6262
    Listen Oak! I Eat when I am hungry, but I only eat "good" stuff. It's hard if your household is full of cookies, etc. If you live with other people who have "off limits" food, then maybe you can make a section in the cupboard or fridge just for your special snacks. Hang tight, and remember if you're working shifts as long as you are you ARE getting exercise!
    1893 days ago
    One thing I do that I read on a blog awhile ago is I hung a string of paperclips inside my pantry door. Each paperclip on the string represents a pound I have lost. When I look at that string of clips it makes me remember how hard I have worked to earn each clip and it makes me think twice about eating junk food because I know it will mean I have to remove a clip or two from the string. Maybe try this out so it will stop you in your tracks! (PS I also keep a laminated note card in my purse with stickers on it for each pound I have lost to keep me on track when I eat out. If I eat bad then I know that I have to take a sticker off.)
    emoticon = emoticon
    emoticon + emoticon + emoticon = emoticon
    1894 days ago
    1894 days ago
    emoticon I agree with some of the other comments. We all have some of the same desires, but we none of us are perfect. In order to have success, we have to go beyond that! emoticon emoticon
    1894 days ago
  • MRSGOAT9699
    I wish I had some answers, for myself as much as for you. I struggle with the same patterns and behaviors. I do realize now, though, that even if I have a bad week or day or month, or whatever, that its never too late. As long as I'm aware of what I'm doing, I will eventually stop it and make progress again. It's that "two-steps forward, one back" thing. But remember, no matter how slow, you will eventually reach your destination as long as you keep moving forward. You may get stalled along the way, but gather yourself and get moving again. We can do it and we are worth it! emoticon
    1894 days ago
    Don't beat yourself up (I know, easier said than done); use your energy to move forward.
    I have trouble with bingeing also. Recently, I have looked into the concept of "mindful eating", based on another Sparker's blog. This has helped me tremendously. I have not binged for almost a month. I have thought about it, but I was able to deal with it successfully. I am thrilled that this seems to be working. I know it is early, but the other Sparker has been binge free for over a year. Maybe check it out. Wouldn't it be such a relief if we could actually lick this thing?
    1894 days ago
    try not to think about all or nothing. It sounds like it's either all good or you've blown it and it's all bad. Try and think, it's over, and go from there. 13 hour days are hard, maybe take a 10 minute walk if you can't get to the gym. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
    1894 days ago
  • TEDYBEAR2838
    Definitely cut yourself some slack. If we were
    perfect we would not be here.

    We are not, we ALL face the same obstacles and
    self inflicted pain.

    Let's get beyond it... emoticon one little
    step at a time. If we take a detour, pick yourself
    up, dust yourself off and keep the finish line in

    1894 days ago
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