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My Broken Record

Friday, March 15, 2013

I know I seem like a broken record these days. For those of you too young to know what a record is, they were these black and sometimes different colored discs on which we would place on a thing called a turntable and the needle would cause the player to play music. Much like the now old fashioned CD. Haha! When the record got scratched or broken it would often get stuck and play the same piece of the song over and over and over.... So, that is me. I've been so down this week. I'm sure the pain in my shoulder, Jack's condition and missing my mom has alot to do with it, but also it is the dreaded TOM! Grrr!

The reason I growl is again I am still what it seems to be too young for menopause, but too old to have a "real" period. Mine are thankfully light, but it just seems unfair to have to experience all the symptoms with not much result. I know this sounds crazy, but, well you know me! I bloat. I mean I gain up to 3 pounds each time. I am tired and I mean extremely tired. I am grouchy, the least little thing irritates me. My face breaks out like a teenager. I crave salt and chocolate. All that and then maybe 1 day of the actual period. Plus my sugar goes crazy.Augh!

Jack is not showing any improvements yet. He is not bad. But, it is terrible nonetheless. I just feel so bad and know he doesn't quite understand what is going on. A few times when he has stumbled he has come to me as if to ask me to make it stop. Why wouldn't he? I'm his Mommy now and I want my mommy to make stuff stop. I just assure him it will pass and give him my love.

My mommy is dead. I still can't believe it. It was so sudden, so unexpected. The one person I know who could help me get thru my grief is her.

I was really quite sick today with my blood sugar. It was high due to a malfunction in my pump insert area. I felt so bad. I just wanted my mommy. I wanted to call her and cry and say I just don't feel good. She couldn't do anything to fix it, but she would tell me it was going to be ok and she would remind me of how many times I've been thru the same thing in my life and to remember I made it. She would also call and check on Jack each day. She wasn't always a perfect mom, but she was my mom.

I spent alot of today in bed too. I'm not going to make my exercise goal this week. But, I think that is OK. I've done what I could. I walked like crazy on my vacation plus swam and played with dolphins, so I think I'm still on target. I just feel sad and fat and whiny. And before you ask, yes I do want some cheese with my whine!

The plans are to go to Greensboro tomorrow (where the ACC championships are being played) and do some healthy grocery shopping. I need to get back on track and I need to eat better. I doubt the basketball fans will be in the grocery stores. But, traffic is liable to be heavy. My podunk grocery stores barely have anything healthy or organic. It is sad.

My shoulder isn't too bad today, but I havne't done Curves in 3 days, so haven't done any upper body except what I do in my leslie samsone videoes. I should know something this week about what my prognosis is and what the treatment will entail. I'm just so down this week I can hardly stand it. I guess when combined with the grief the normal sadness that accompanies my TOM is just heightened.

I'm thankful for my husband, my dog, my dad, my neighbors and my nice bed! I'll be back to me soon and singing a new song! Right now I think I might need to be a broken record.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MRSGOAT9699
    Hugs from me to you, I'm very sorry about Jack, I hope things get better soon. Feel better!
    1864 days ago
    Virtual Hugs to you.
    1865 days ago
    I am sorry that you are having a rough time right now. I know they say God never gives you more than he thinks you can handle but I can relate to that feeling of "Stop it's too much right now". Hang in there and keep those you love around you, it will get better. emoticon
    1865 days ago
  • 2BEHEALTHY2014
    I's sorry you're struggling now. I don't have any pets, but as a mom, I know how awful it is to watch your baby struggle and not be able to do anything about it. Just keep living him and he'll feel better. Be sure to take care of yourself too. I'm here for you. Sending hugs your way.
    1865 days ago
    Melissa, I hope that all goes well with our shoulders!

    Your Twin
    1866 days ago
  • SHARON10002
    Your mom is still with you in your heart. Sit quietly and she'll speak to you . . . I know how it is, as I've lost my mom, too. But if I sit and listen, she will usually say something to me, and that makes me feel better.

    We all have these down days in our lives - it's part of our biorhythms and our body bringing itself back into balance. Just relax and go with the flow of it, and soon you will find yourself heading back downstream with the soft current.

    1866 days ago
    emoticon Hugs Love and Hope - I wish them all to you. Let it out and (hopefully) let it go.
    1866 days ago
  • TANYA602
    You know I am sending love your way, dear. I don't envy you the menopause symptoms (I had a hysterectomy so none of that for me) and I know how difficult it is to want to make everything right for our dogs. Hang in there thru these coming days, and let's hope the news coming back about your shoulder helps put you at least one step more in the direction of a better place.
    1866 days ago
    You let that record play! You don't want those feelings bottled up inside you!!!
    1866 days ago
    Feel better Melissa ...the bad days will go away....somedays we just need to have pity parties and thats just will get better....
    1866 days ago
    You have a LOT on your plate right now. Be nice and kind to yourself, take that message from your mom. I have lost my parents and it is very hard. But, thinking about your mom keeps her close. Hope you and Jack feel much better soon!
    1866 days ago
    I always find it hard to get back on track and on my normal routine after a vacation. They are meant to relax us - you will get back to it. Try doing some stretches to get started.
    1866 days ago
  • CIPHER1971
    emoticon It will be okay, and you will be okay

    Take care
    1866 days ago
  • EWL978
    You are entitled to feel lousy sometimes and then you go back to normal (whatever that is) what!!! You're entitled, remember that!!
    1866 days ago
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