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The Importance of Support at Home

Friday, March 15, 2013

The other day (Wednesday) was my husband's birthday. The one thing he wanted was some intimate time with me, if you get my drift. He came on REALLY strong and I was very resistant and unresponsive. Weds. was also the day I weighed myself and discovered just how bad things had gotten with my weight. Up 18 lbs (since October). I seriously flipped out and I felt just terrible about myself.

So when he came on to me in the evening, I wanted NOTHING to do with him. He felt rejected. I felt just fat and ugly and also bad because I knew I had hurt his feelings, too. Finally we went into the bedroom and we talked about it. I was able to explain to him that I was really feeling badly about myself and my body and how out of control I felt and it wasn't about not wanting him.

He told me he loved me and still wanted me. He reminded me that when we met I weighed 300 lbs and was still that when we got married, 8 years ago. He said he would love me if I went back to that and even if I got to 400 lbs, though he hoped I wouldn't do that to myself. He reminded me that this is a lifetime journey and that there will be bumps in the road. He reminded me it didn't happen overnight and that this gain happened over 5 months, not just a week or two. These words helped me a lot.

I thought I had been paying attention and at least maintaining and didn't realize how out of control I had gotten. I do think most of the weight came on recently and I was able to figure out what things may have caused it.. We have been having oil popped popcorn late at night almost every night - with powdered cheddar cheese on top, and i eat it even if I'm not hungry - a big bowl. Also, I recently found locally made bread and it's just fabulous! So I've had that daily, usually twice a day 2 pieces at a time with butter. Too much. And the dark chocolate at night - rather than one serving, I eat half or more of the large bar. Too much. Need better control. Also need to step up my exercise - more walking and more dancing. I do usually walk every day, but not quite enough. I haven't hit my 10,000 step goal in a long time.

And then - my husband reminded me that I have probably been eating emotionally, he pretty much guaranteed that and had seen it. It's true. In the last two months I've been dealing with my mother's declining health issues and my awareness about them now.. and then exactly a month ago I was told that my job won't be continuing next year. So those things have really hit me hard and I guess I have allowed myself to be less active and to eat more and less in control than before.

I am glad he was able to just listen to me and give me the support I needed. He understood it wasn't about him. I was finally able to give him back what he wanted and have fun with it. Geez, I don't want my body issues to prevent intimacy. That would be truly terrible ... So in the end, I felt better about myself and where I was going, I felt supported, and things were better between my husband and I.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    How wonderful that you and your husband took the time to really communicate. What a blessing for you both.
    1841 days ago
  • DEEO12
    That is awesome that you have his support and you were able to work things out. WTG and i really hope to see some more videos of your success! Someone asked me if dancing was okay and i mentioned you and that you danced all the time. You are an inspiration and hope to see you back at it full force. emoticon

    Sounds like your husband has inspired you!
    1847 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/3/2013 9:16:00 PM
    It is great you both took the time to TALK rather than shut each other out. Please don't bee so hard on yourself. You can't change what was, just move forward:) emoticon
    1865 days ago
    I am really glad you had such a good talk with your husband. It's hard to open up about these things and hard to listen when you're feeling hurt, so kudos to both of you!
    1866 days ago
  • ANGGEL40
    You have a great husband...he is so right on so many levels..glad you see the problem and is willing to work on it.. emoticon emoticon
    1866 days ago
    I a so glad your husband was patient enough to sit down and LISTEN. A lot of men can, but won't do it for their spouses. I have an uncle who says he is only half married to my aunt who is dying of ovarian cancer. He says that when he married her she was half the size she is now, so he isn't married to the other half of her.

    WTF? Excuse me, but she is DYING, don't you think he could be less of a prick about it? Anyway, I have wanted to club him over the head like a baby seal for a long, long time! hehe

    I met a man who doens't like skinny girls either. He also taught me to make sourdough bread, so I have been rocking the neighborhood with shared bread and may get ready to take orders for more. But I made sure that I got the people who were around to help me out while I was in a cast and have a few loaves frozen as well. My mother and I had a competition and I won because mine tastes sour and her's tastes like white bread really. HAHA

    Anyway, the man I am super crusing on and spent the better of 2 months with is a big fan of curvy women. We dated when I was 19-20 and I broke his heart way back then and then he married a hag for 13 years, so now we are both in open territory and while he is proud of me for losing the weight I want to lose, he is not a fan of me losing too much or killing myself for 2 hours a day to do so. Coincidentally, since he left on the 5th, I have gained 4 pounds, so I think he is lacing my coffee with FAT or something! HAHA

    I am happy to see you back on here and that you are doing well. We all have a little backslide and then we have to get our poop together and get back on the wagon again!

    So wagon, here we come... be prepared!
    1866 days ago
  • FABN50S
    I know what you are going thru with your mom and the job. It is so sad that we seem to put ourselves last when stress gets us down. I recently realized I was doing the same thing. After months of hit and miss intimacy I asked my husband if he was ok. He said when you are not interested neither am I. We talked I told him everything I was going thru like your husband he was very supportive.
    Angel you have come so far this is just a bump in the road you will get back on track and reach your goals. We are here to support you every step of the way! emoticon
    1866 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/15/2013 9:44:26 AM
    He sounds very sweet. I think your talk with him really helped you realize some important stuff about yourself.
    1866 days ago
    Oh, your husband is such a blessing to you. What a good feeling it is to be so loved and supported. emoticon emoticon
    1866 days ago
    Your husband is amazing and so are you. You are so blessed to have each other.
    1866 days ago
    By it, I didn't mean your husband! Hee hee!
    1866 days ago
    First, what a deeply personal and sweet blog. That you for sharing. I'm glad that your husband is understanding, and that his understanding helped you to figure out where you are going wrong.

    Good job figuring it out, and getting back on it!!!
    1866 days ago
    I know exactly how you feel! I do this to myself and my husband sometimes and every time he tells me he loves my body and would love it even if I weighed twice as much. And the truth is I think they mean it when they say it :) also, try not to look at this little set back. You have done so awesome so far! You have lost a lot of weight and that gives you something to be proud of every day! Don't lose sight of your end goal!! You can do this!
    1866 days ago
    You are lucky to have someone who cares that much about you.

    Enjoy (plus you are using calories LOL)
    1866 days ago
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