Week 11: According to Einstein, I’m INSANE
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” - Albert Einstein
WI was awful this morning but I kinda knew that was going to happen. I didn’t gain everything back. I knew the scale last week was a fluke because I hadn’t seen anything near that weight for the rest of the week. Then I had TOM sneak up on me a week early and mindless snacking crept back in. On a positive note, I have definitely experienced an “A-HA” moment. I feel like I say that every week but this time I really have.
I realized that I’m “insane”. I keep mindless snacking and not logging every bite, lick and taste and wonder why the scale isn’t moving or moving in the wrong direction. I go to the gym and work my butt off and then undo a lot of my effort by snacking away and trying to rationalize it. Oh it’s not that bad or its healthy nuts or raisins or whatever healthy or unhealthy snack it is. Every week, I made goals and promises to change and sometimes that change lasts for a few days or a few hours and then I allow the bad behavior to creep back. Sometimes I can talk myself of out it and other times I just give in because I feel sorry for myself. You know the Why Me syndrome. Why do I have to struggle with my weight? Why can’t I just have one cookie and be satisfied and not want to eat the whole bag.
Well it’s obvious to me that THIS is not working. No this time it is really clear and I have decided NOT to make any weeklong goal. You read that right no week long goal. I’m going to make daily goals and take the Spark people advice and STREAK. I have to take it one day, one hour or one meal at a time and really celebrate those successes. I have done it before and I can do it again. I just have to retrain my body and mind. This is the hard work and hard choices that I have talked about in my last few blogs but I guess I just wasn’t ready to accept the facts yet. The facts that I’m moving into a new phase of my weight loss journey, the last few pounds and I need to make the hard adjustments. I can’t rely on the past anymore. Meaning that the mindless snacking up until this point hasn’t had a really bad impact on the scale since the scale was still going down. At this point, every single calorie counts. I need a true deficit and not a fake one because I didn’t log everything.
Sometimes I feel like such a failure or such a fake. There are people or teammates who praise me or look up to me and I feel like if they really only knew they won’t say those things. I struggle just like everyone else. I’m running a marathon and I’m at mile marker 24 and only have 2.2 miles to go and I’ve hit the WALL. You know that place where you have to make that hard choice to either give up or keep going no matter what it takes even if that means that you reach the finish line bloody and bruised because you had to crawl the last mile. Well today I’m dropping to my knees and beginning to crawl to the finish line. I will get there and I may be bloody and bruised and it might take me a little longer but I AM GOING TO MAKE IT TO THE FINISH LINE!
Here is what FitnessRx for Women Magazine has as their facebook status this morning.
Morning! Just a little reminder...you may not have arrived at your goal or be exactly where you want to be, but you are getting closer each day...one thought, one choice, one meal, one step, one rep at a time. Keep up the great work!
Today is my