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Week 11: According to Einstein, I’m INSANE

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

emoticon “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” - Albert Einstein

emoticon WI was awful this morning but I kinda knew that was going to happen. I didn’t gain everything back. I knew the scale last week was a fluke because I hadn’t seen anything near that weight for the rest of the week. Then I had TOM sneak up on me a week early and mindless snacking crept back in. On a positive note, I have definitely experienced an “A-HA” moment. I feel like I say that every week but this time I really have.

emoticon I realized that I’m “insane”. I keep mindless snacking and not logging every bite, lick and taste and wonder why the scale isn’t moving or moving in the wrong direction. I go to the gym and work my butt off and then undo a lot of my effort by snacking away and trying to rationalize it. Oh it’s not that bad or its healthy nuts or raisins or whatever healthy or unhealthy snack it is. Every week, I made goals and promises to change and sometimes that change lasts for a few days or a few hours and then I allow the bad behavior to creep back. Sometimes I can talk myself of out it and other times I just give in because I feel sorry for myself. You know the Why Me syndrome. Why do I have to struggle with my weight? Why can’t I just have one cookie and be satisfied and not want to eat the whole bag.

emoticon Well it’s obvious to me that THIS is not working. No this time it is really clear and I have decided NOT to make any weeklong goal. You read that right no week long goal. I’m going to make daily goals and take the Spark people advice and STREAK. I have to take it one day, one hour or one meal at a time and really celebrate those successes. I have done it before and I can do it again. I just have to retrain my body and mind. This is the hard work and hard choices that I have talked about in my last few blogs but I guess I just wasn’t ready to accept the facts yet. The facts that I’m moving into a new phase of my weight loss journey, the last few pounds and I need to make the hard adjustments. I can’t rely on the past anymore. Meaning that the mindless snacking up until this point hasn’t had a really bad impact on the scale since the scale was still going down. At this point, every single calorie counts. I need a true deficit and not a fake one because I didn’t log everything.

emoticon Sometimes I feel like such a failure or such a fake. There are people or teammates who praise me or look up to me and I feel like if they really only knew they won’t say those things. I struggle just like everyone else. I’m running a marathon and I’m at mile marker 24 and only have 2.2 miles to go and I’ve hit the WALL. You know that place where you have to make that hard choice to either give up or keep going no matter what it takes even if that means that you reach the finish line bloody and bruised because you had to crawl the last mile. Well today I’m dropping to my knees and beginning to crawl to the finish line. I will get there and I may be bloody and bruised and it might take me a little longer but I AM GOING TO MAKE IT TO THE FINISH LINE!

Here is what FitnessRx for Women Magazine has as their facebook status this morning.
Morning! Just a little may not have arrived at your goal or be exactly where you want to be, but you are getting closer each thought, one choice, one meal, one step, one rep at a time. Keep up the great work! emoticon

Today is my emoticon.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KANOE10
    You can do it. This weight management is hard work, You have to constantly evaluate what is working for you. Good luck on your day 1 and tracking.
    I have felt that same way, like you are letting people down when the going gets rough. Yet the best thing you can do is share your feelings..I try to focus on progress, not perfection.

    1867 days ago
    If it makes you feel any better...Einstein never said it. emoticon
    Right there with you hitting that wall at mile 24, only I feel like I've got a headwind pushing me back sometimes!

    You've got this...And I'm going to go put the hummus and pita chips away....and maybe even track every one I ate!
    1867 days ago

    If we could see your worst elements, we would say, Yep, she's human, just like we are! And we would love you and admire you just the same! You are pushing through frustration and difficulty to keep on the path...your real, daily, messy journey is genuinely inspiring. Your strength shines through, even when you're not feelin' it!
    1868 days ago
    We are all sometimes in the same boat. You are not alone. But saying that, only you can change the tide so to speak. First work on the reasons why you got fat in the first place, when you have sorted that out... put the steps in place to not go there and to achieve and follow through with your steps or plans.
    1868 days ago
    You aren't insane, you are human!! If weight loss was easy we wouldn't be here - it is HARD!! But you have proven that you can do it and you WILL!! You've got it right - one hour, one day, one week at a time you WILL succeed!!
    1868 days ago
    I am also one of those teammates that looks up to you! Your journey is amazing, I see your struggles like they are my mirror. I feel like I am always on my knees trying to get to the next hurdle. I know I can do it, but i have to fight for every oz. Thank you for your blog, you are truly a blessing in my journey.
    1868 days ago
  • LEASIM1231
    I am at the same point. I am doing the plateau breaking plan with Spark Coach. I am not at a plateau, but have just 3 pounds to lose. It doesn't sound like much, but it is hard! Every little calorie counts and I need to EXERCISE! Little walks here and there aren't enough...
    1868 days ago
    I'm one of those teammates that look up to you...and even more so now! If you were genetically skinny that wouldn't be motivating to me but the fact I see my struggles in your struggles then I see you overcome them by reanalyzing and working hard! That's motivating! emoticon

    1868 days ago
    What a great blog. emoticon
    1868 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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