40,000-49,999 SparkPoints 44,360

saboteur! my daughter's cat?

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

well, last night "binx" (ruler of our house, and we're his "subjects") literally helped me NOT do my evening bingeing. he laid on my lap, demanding me to sit, and not get nightly snacks for myself. but this morning the little bugger is here again, holding me from my work out! emoticon

all kidding aside... today's spark coach sabotaging, was discussed. and i was supposed to think if there was anyone in my life that would be a saboteur. of course, binx looks at me grinning, i move on...

my husband... emoticon (don, don DON!-insert creepy music) first, let me say, i KNOW he loves me, and at this point, he has actually supported me more than any other time. but i worry when he might start "un-helping". in the past, he has brought home my fav. sweet snacks emoticon emoticon , and when i would say, "no thank you" he would say, "i THOUGHT i was doing something right." emoticon , or he would say we should watch tv, and just relax when i was getting ready to work out. or i might ask him to join me for a walk, that i would really like him there with me, he would say i walk too fast emoticon or he was too tired. then i would just "chill" with him.

lately, he has been more supportive, but still seems to know when i am really faltering. last night he was even making fun (in a joking way) of my new billy blanks (tae bo DVD) work out. how long will his semi-support last before he brings in the "big guns" and take me to my fav restaurant and knows that i will cave.

then i have a sister and a friend who both say things that are less than supportive about clothing i wear when i start to feel good about myself. my sis is heavier like me, but my friend is actually very fit. i can kinda understand my sis saying stuff maybe she is getting jealous or insecure. but why my friend? i must interject here, that i do NOT wear anything that isn't age appropriate, but just a little more flattering than my usual "mom jeans" or baggy shirts and sweats. it really puts my confidence in the toilet. i HAVE said that it hurts a little when they say things, and with most everything else in my life they ARE supportive.

i want to blame them for how i fail, and why i eat so much, or dress "fugly"... i get angry, or don't want to be healthy around them since it hurts to have them be like this when i am trying to be healthy, or boost my confidence. my sis lives in another state, so i don't see her that often, which is good, but still when we are on the phone, she reminds me of my huge "birthing hips", big butt, and nothing looks good on me. (no, tellin' mom doesn't help). and when i am with my friend, and she asks to go out, that is when she starts, or when we are just hanging around the house, she reminds (in a joking way, of course) me of the times that i looked stupid, or just plain silly.

even though i want to blame them... can i really? none of them shovel the food down my throat, they don't tell me what to wear... i have control, i ultimately decide what i eat and what i wear. why do i give them that power? emoticon and i am just too soft or polite or i don't want them mad at me, so i don't say anything anymore. emoticon now, one might say (like i know i would say to my kids), if they can't be nice, then they aren't really your friend, right? well, most of the time, they are great, and i can't really disown my sis, nor do i want to leave my hubby (I LOVE HIM, very much).

i guess i SOMEhow hafta be strong when i am with them. it is difficult though, when i am such a people pleaser, and non-confrontational... (maybe that is why the cat is STILL layin' on me, LOL!)

guess i need to decide how important getting in shape is to me. and see if they are still there after i get to where i want to be. or maybe use my blogs as an outlet, when they affect me.

well, time to be strong, and tell the cat to get off me, so i can work out... as he is looking at me right now with the "i DARE you to get me off your lap" look. maybe this is harder than i thought, or maybe the cat is my biggest saboteur??? emoticon
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TERESA6262
    Thanks for sharing. Somehow, the reading of blogs, and for me..the WRITING of blogs is especially helpful. You are certainly doing some hard thinking. Hard thinking is really good for the soul. It's even best done when you can "bounce" your ideas off of others. That way, if your thinking gets too dark, they can set your feet on the right path. Here's my only suggestion: If the remarks keep festering inside you.... you MUST, you simply MUST address them in an open caring way with your "saboteurs" (particularly in relationships you care to keep!). Resentment is a sneaky thing and can grow quite large when it ought not! Open and honest relationships are the most rewarding, so if you can't "shake it off" address your concerns in a loving way. Love yourself enough to KNOW, that is IS OK to lovingly share your hurts with people whom you care about. emoticon
    1867 days ago
  • MYRTLE811
    I had a friend who never said a word to me about my weight loss even after i had lost over 100 pounds! People don't want you to change; it means you will be different and they don't want that. I hope to think it's more anxiety than jealousy, although you should know I no longer have that friend in my life anymore. I just didn't need the jealousy and sniping and I needed to move on without being depressed.
    Another friend would send me chocolate or candy wherever I was traveling and you know how weak you can be out of your element.
    I guess what I'm saying is you have this blog to vent and that's a great thing and you have your inner self that is able to get beyond the sabotauging and say I can do this by myself. It does hurt when those you like or love the most are not helpful, but you need to rely on yourself and let them go.....do something else!
    1868 days ago
  • LOVE2MY3
    I agree! It is so easy to blame others for our weakness. And I am soooooooo non-confrontational, too. Pair that with a non-existent self-esteem, and I basically am a doormat. emoticon I have let others rule my life for too many years!

    But I have decided that I WILL lose weight this time! When I feel lazy and think about just watching TV instead of walking, I just picture the number on the scale, and think "I never want to see that number again!" Or when I have the urge to cave and eat my favorite junk food, I think about how far I have come and remind myself that while eating the chocolate, or potato chips or whatever it is that is calling my name will give me a few minutes of pleasure, it will also undo hours of work!

    I guess what I am saying is that I have decided to listen to my inner voice (no, I don't talk back to it!) and let it guide me on my path, and not let others have the control. I have taken away their power, and given it to God, and the little voices. emoticon Start listening to yours! I think you will find that it is smarter than you give it credit for!

    Now push that cat off your lap, and get a move on! emoticon
    1868 days ago
    I'm doing SparkCoach also, and really like how it gets me thinking about these things.

    It's good to look at and come up with a 'plan' so we can respond differently...

    I find as I lose weight, I want to dress differently/better also. My dd turned me on to some fashion blogs ...I like to check out Sally McGraw's blog (she wrote Already Pretty learning to love your body by learning to dress it well)

    and for me Fifty not Frumpy is a good one also.

    Embrace yourself and your new confidence! emoticon

    1868 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/13/2013 12:13:14 PM
    Really great blog....I also am a people pleaser and HATE confrontation too. (uggg)....Sounds like your spark coach is giving you some great ideas to look around you and in yourself to why you (or you let others) sabotage your goals....It's making my gears turn about my own ups and down with weight loss emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon You're making me think, think, think today emoticon As for your cat emoticon We recently had a stray cat adopt us (ugg..I didn't want any more animals)...but he's so lovable--we call him "Boyfriend"... when he makes his bed on my belly, I think "it's time to get moving"...I don't want my stomach being his fluffy pillow. I think of him like my fitness coach emoticon
    1868 days ago
  • RX_2_RV
    Great blog! Binx the sabatouer! Very cute, and oh-so-cat-like to do that! Lucky I'm hanging out with mom who has a dog that won't let me out of her sight if I put on my running shoes. emoticon

    DH seems well intentioned..."I thought I was doing something right." So I think it would be fairly easy to "turn him away from the dark side" LOL. Just be really direct.
    "Honey, you know I love ____ (food), but right now, I'm really struggling to stick with this. It would really help me if you didn't bring ____ around the house or at least hide it so it doesn't tempt me. I really appreciate all the support you are giving me. I couldn't do this without you."

    My mom brought out butter toffee peanuts yesterday and I immediately told her "OMG, I LOVE THOSE THINGS! Please, please, please put them somewhere or I will eat the whole can." emoticon She laughed and put them away.

    They just need to know what I need them to do...putting it as a request for help...and they become pretty supportive. I NEVER tell them they can't have something...just that I can't be around it, because I am struggling.
    1868 days ago
    Writing this blog is such good therapy for what you are experiencing. Another idea that helps me is that most, if not all,of the comments that bother you are much more about the interior world of the person that says them than they are about you.
    1868 days ago
    I really enjoy reading your blogs. I don't have a sister so I don't have much response there other than to put her in her place. It's hard when your body is changing to adjust to those changes, even if they aren't your ultimate goal, you get this high off the pride in seeing them but at the same time it can be like being in someone elses body.

    As far as the friend goes, you may just need to sit her down and say, "hey, I know you're just messing with me but I'm really working hard here and the joking isn't coming across as light hearted as you intend. Do you mind cutting back for my sake, please?"

    As far as the husband goes. OMG I completely get it. Luckily mine is currently trying to get rid of his extra weight as well (he hasn't quite accepted that means he may have to give up his nightly beer....but at least he's going to the gym) but he has been notorious for doing the "going to the store, want me to get you anything..ice cream...pie..." and I realized I just have to learn to say NO even though it's so very tempting to say yes.

    I get the opposite problem when we go walking though, I'm too slow (5'3 to his 6'1) so I usually go walking with my daughter and the dog or my friend.
    1868 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by OAKTREE10