Starting over

I am desperate. I have made some positive changes in my life, and I have also made some negative changes.

Positive - I changed to a plant-based diet. I am not completely vegan because I cannot eat soy or soy products due to an allergy, but I have not eaten meat since mid-October. I feel better, and have learned how to make some delicious vegetarian recipes. It is a cheaper way to live too. Since I cannot eat soy, I cannot eat processed foods, so my grocery bills are lower, and I am not contributing to the landfill with all those wrappers, etc.

Negative - I have gained 20 pounds, and in general feel like CRAP because of it. I think I am a little bit depressed, going through menopause and trying to use that as an excuse.

I used to run like a machine. Now I just clump along the streets every time I run. I am to heavy to run. My feet hurt all the time.

I just hate myself. I don't know what to do. I cannot stop eating. The longest I have been able to control it has been about 10 days. But I don't ever lose weight. It just stays the same, or I gain even more. Reducing calories doesn't matter, reducing salt doesn't matter, reducing fat/carbs/protein doesn't matter.

Seriously, I want to have the fat sucked out. Most of my clothes don't fit. I refuse to buy new clothes because I refuse to buy anything in a bigger size. So, not only do they not fit, they are out of style.

I need some kind of "magic pill" to jump start. If I could lose about 6-7 pounds FAST, I would feel like my efforts were worthwhile.

I exercise 5-6 days per week, running, swimming, elliptical, cycling on a trainer, weight lifting. I do a large variety of different exercises.

Does anyone know anything that will help me. I am so upset about it that I cannot motivate myself to stay focused....