FRACKTHATNOISE

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Day 274 - One year in and Running Pains

Monday, March 11, 2013

A year ago today I had what I'll call 'a moment.'

I realized that in about a week I was going to turn 30. I realized that what I wanted in life was very, very far from my grasp.

At 29 I'd traveled to lots of places, been very successful at my chosen profession, and I'd even settled into a job I loved. I was on the cusp of purchasing my first home and felt independent.

But, I felt like I was missing something.

First off, I knew I was unhealthy. I didn't like that I was just starting to 'grow out of' chain stores as I squeezed myself into a size 18. I had more than a few embarrassing moments on a plane as my hips were too wide for the seat and bumped the flight attendant call button on the remote that had been placed inside the side of the armrest. I flew places uncomfortably and constantly afraid I wouldn't fit into seats. I really hated that when I needed to purchase clothes abroad they simply didn't carry clothing in my size. Ever. (Believe me, when you're living abroad for weeks or months at a time there are always times when you'll need to purchase an article of clothing.)

Secondly, I felt alone. I've been single since I moved back to Pittsburgh. I had a boyfriend in college and a few casual things here and there since; but, I didn't have a social circle and had no idea how to get one. But, I couldn't help but thinking of how scared I was to put myself out there. I knew I didn't look good and I certainly didn't feel good.

So, I got this magical postcard in the mail, "The University of Pittsburgh is conducting a weight loss study. Give us a call." I could have thrown that postcard away. I could have ignored it. Instead, I called. I wouldn't hear anything more about them for months. I was placed into the group that would start in June. Still, something had been put into motion.

I weighed myself for the first time in years. 230 pounds. I'll never forget the feeling of disgust that pushed through me. How did I let myself get that far? How did I not know? I knew, of course, I just didn't -know.- More than that there was this terrible feeling of 'well, at least it's not 250, it's not -that- bad.' I was already rationalizing!

I decided right then that I was going to start walking over my lunches. I'd spend half an hour just out walking. I'd move. I could do that. I didn't walk fast or frankly very far - but I kept at it. Come June when the study started (274 days ago :-P ) I was 'ready' to start the Couch to 5K program. By then I was down to 223 pounds.

Couch to 5K changed my life. There's no getting around it. It gave me confidence, a plan, and structure. It gave me so much more than I could have given myself.

Now I'm a year in - and I've gone from the girl who just walked over lunch to a girl who's run a ten mile race and intends to complete a half marathon in May. I've gone from 230 down to 185 - that's almost 50 pounds. I'm no longer a size 20 but a size 14. I'm comfortable and confident. I'm able to run without music and I'm able to run alone. I'm stronger. I actually put myself out there and joined a running group - and the group is filled with such fantastic, kind people. I'm really glad I grew some cajones and put myself out there.

I still have so far to go, though. There are still another 3.2 miles to add to my longest distance before the Half. I want to learn how to have a stronger mind and more confidence in my ability. When it comes to weight I'm still dreaming of 160. That's 25 pounds away. I'd still like to be a size 12.

---


To talk a little about the present seemed to require some hyphens!

I spent this past weekend like a busy bee. I went for my training run on Saturday. Six miles with the club and I walked a little of it. I'm going to go and purchase new shoes as I'm starting to get really sore in my hips. Also, I think my stride might be a little off. It goes like this: 2 miles in, side stitch; 2.5 miles in, shoulder cramp; 3.5 miles in, hip pain; 4 miles in, hit my stride; finish race and walk, HIPS MAKE ME WANT TO DIE. Could be my stride. Could be my shoes. I e-mailed my coach and hopefully she'll get back to me soon.

I just don't want soreness to turn into injury!

I also worked on painting my kitchen and installing some new under cabinet lighting. Painting is like Yoga- you hold ridiculous poses for a long time. It's okay, I liked the workout.

In terms of food and tracking and the BodyMedia, I'm still on hiatus. I'm still just not 'feeling' it. As long as I'm maintaining my 185 I'm okay. Seriously. I think in the next week or so I'll turn the magic back on; but, it's nice to know that I CAN hold steady and eat responsibly and be active and all that...

Alright, I've already written MORE than enough for today. I hope you're all doing well!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CCBULLDOG
    Fantastic blog! You've done an amazing job (giving you a big high five)...I had trouble with my hips while running last year...I was told to shorten my stride, I don't know if that would work for you or not...it did help though.....Good luck on your 13.1....Pittsburgh area has some amazing races! (I'm a hour away emoticon howdy neighbor!)
    2408 days ago
  • REFFIE1
    What a difference a mere year can make! emoticon
    2408 days ago
  • POMATOJUICE
    Congrats on one year! I had no idea that we started at about the same time! lol.

    I really admire you and your running. I don't think running is for me, and that's ok, but I always imagine that runners are part of a special little club. I know you've talked about not feeling like you were part of that special little club, even when running.. but you are! Especially for us outsiders looking in :P

    I keep seeing runners post those "This is what I think I look like (gazelle); This is what I really look like (dancing hippo from fantasia)" demotivationals, but I really do think all people who spend time running look like gazelles XD It's cool! And you're cool for doing it! Finding something that works for you is key, and I'm happy that you've found something you can be passionate about.

    Those of us lazy slackers dream of a day when we can be motivated and passionate about something! lol

    I've been soooo bad with food lately too, though. I don't know what's gotten into me! Wait, I do. It's like 5lbs of candy. :X The worst part is that I'm still tracking and looking at those numbers and trying to balance meals and all of that. Ususally, I'll end up having really small meals just because candy crowded out all my calorie space :X I need to fix it! I know what I need to do, but I feel so BLAAAAH about making changes now. I don't know why!

    Just hang in there, and keep up your movement. We'll get out of it eventually. We just need to keep going.
    2409 days ago
  • ONMYMEDS
    Congratulations on your wonderful progress. Very well done.

    Whenever I start feeling those little extra aches and pains from running, it's usually because I'm not doing enough strength training on my non-running days. Just a thought.

    Great job. Keep it up!!!
    2409 days ago
  • SIMONEKP
    I really hope to find that I like running as much as others do, I'm starting outdoors the last week of March, for now I run inside but I don't think it's the same.
    2409 days ago
  • 1EMMA2011
    What incredible progress! Outstanding! Very excited for you!

    It may be enough that you know the food tracking tool is there in case you need it. I think it was most helpful to me to know the right balance of proteins, fats and carbs and ultimately that is how the food tracker helped me - not in a shameful way but in a supportive way - when I was open to it.... Once I had that balance it helped me to eat more quality foods and heal my body more.

    You are to be commended for such an Outstanding Year!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2409 days ago
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