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When your kid's life falls apart...

Sunday, March 10, 2013 do you know what to do?

We are not having a good morning here. Our son's wife (who is in Florida) called him about midnight last night. She'd been over at her aunt's drinking. She's dropped 40 lbs. and gotten involved with some guy on line from yet ANOTHER state, and she wants a divorce. Brandon is a mess. We finally gave him something to help him sleep and got him in bed about 5:30.

Arn and I are not surprised. I think we've just been hoping this moment wouldn't come. But, we've never felt very secure for him about the relationship since day one. You don't start out having major issues and expect them to go away just because you walk down the aisle. That's a Dr. Philism, and a true one. We've offered to pay for him to see a counselor. It's hard us to have perspective on this at all since we do feel that way. Don't know HOW we'll pay for it, but we will.

So I've pretty much been up all night and am really bleary-eyed. And my back is killing me. It was bad all day yesterday. I don't know what's happened. Usually I know what I did to set it off, which hasn't happened since 2008, so I am terribly upset about that as well. On top of that my sugar is being really wonky from going to the gym, I assume. It was 67 when I got up this morning, so I didn't take one of my meds.

But I'm more upset about Brandon, of course. He just kept going on and on last night about how he can never do anything right. He says he's such a failure. We don't know what to say to him. We can reassure him over and over again that's just not true, but here he sits with two degrees and no job, working for barely above minimum wage ($7+). It doesn't help when we say he's in the same boat as millions of other people who were shoved into white-collar courses at universities because you NEEDED one to get anywhere in the world. Now 80% of them are flippin' burgers. But as I said, he doesn't hear us when we say those things. I am just so, so sad. And a little afraid that he will stop going to the gym (he'd lost 10 lbs. in two weeks) and start eating himself into oblivion.

So for you guys who are praying folk, please lift Brandon and Arn and I up in prayer. We need to know what to do to help get him through this without any Mariel bashing. And would appreciate good thoughts and vibes from the rest of you. You know, when something like this happens to one of your kids it's hard to not feel like a part of YOU has died somewhere. You just want to protect them from all the hurts. I guess that never changes, even when they're grown up.
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    My heart goes out to all of you. This is just so hard. I did want to suggest that you check about getting him in at the community mental health center in your area. Every county should have at least one location. They see people on a sliding scale and since he is not working, it should be free. That's where I worked in our area for 14 years. They should also have doctors he can see if necessary for meds and they would have samples to give him or do the paperwork for him to get free meds from the med companies.

    There are no easy answers here. Just being there for him is the most important thing at the moment. It's good that he lives with you and isn't out there on his own somewhere. Remember to take care of yourselves, K?

    Hugs and prayers,
    1925 days ago
    I'm so sorry to hear this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Brandon. emoticon
    1927 days ago
  • DEDAY10
    My heart goes out to you because I know and have experienced your anguish. My 40 year old son got in trouble at the tender age of 18, he went to prison for 3 years, got out , fathered two children, one of whom I have raised his whole life. He was clean, sober and had a good job. He got involved with a woman who lead him down the merry path of destruction; consequently, twenty years later he is in prison again. He weighs more now than he ever did at 250 lbs. He will get out soon and try to rebuild his life with the SAME woman! I am so worried about him. Needless to say I dumped my diet, exercise and well being for the last three years and now I hope to get back on track here with SP. I hope you will pray for me as I do you and maybe someday we will look back on these times and marvel at how we made it through it all... Best wishes Dee emoticon
    1927 days ago
    my heart goes out to your family. I have also been in a similar situation with my child. Her husband came home one day and said he was moving out of state and he wasn't sure if he wanted her to go or not. She was smart enough to say she was not going to sit around waiting for him to make up his mind. Now she is with someone who really loves her and they have two beautiful children. You can just be there for your children to talk to and help him pick up the pieces. He does not feel it now but there is a wonderful person out there just waiting for him. He has to realize he did not do anything wrong she did. He needs to not blame himself. My prayers are with you
    1927 days ago
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