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A Dark Post

Friday, March 08, 2013

{{{I rarely use foul language but I have in this one. It's not much and I understand if you choose not to read it}}}

Remember this?

I can't express just how very true it really is. For some unknown reason, my back has gone out. Any position is painful and when I walk, I struggle to get to an upright position. Mostly, I just walk bent to an almost 90degree angle. This pain goes from my back down my left leg and into my left foot.
My idiotic doctor, who performed the surgery, doesn't want to have to deal with me anymore so he tells me AND my employer that the pain I'm experiencing now "COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE COMING FROM THE SURGERY SITE." Regardless that it's the same damn pain I had even before surgery.

Pardon me, but

Does he think I'm making this up?
Worst part is

So, just to see my primary care doctor costs $85.00. Forget about seeing a specialist. Unfortunately, I'll just have to suffer. Mother doesn't offer support either. When I called to tell her, instead of asking the specifics, she simply said, "my stomach hurts." And I knew then that I wasn't getting any sympathy from her.

And what really, really, truly, honest-to-God pisses me off beyond all imagination is when I go to the social services office to go over my income (or lack thereof) to see for what I can qualify. And, here are all these little twits dragging in two, three, four children, and knowing full well that because of them having children, their food stamp amount will be considerable more than mine and they will also get a money allowance, because of having children. Is that fair? Hell NO!

Now, please understand. I know bad things happen. Girls get into bad situations. Those are not the ones of which I speak. It's the ones who purposefully get pregnant so they won't have to work and can collect government assistance for food, to clothing, to even a living space. Yet, here I am, having worked since before leaving college and the only help I can get is food stamps. I can't get medical help - I don't have a baby or children. And then to sit in this place and see all these supposedly poor teenagers whip out their Ipods or smart phones, wear shoes that are much more expensive than mine, leather jackets, but yet, they are the ones who receive the help. It is not right. It is not fair. The system needs a complete overhaul.

As far as my back is concerned, it doesn't help either the way my brother is acting. His shenanigans are worsening Mothers problems andI've told Dad he needs to tell him it's time to go. But, NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
So, I'm stuck having to deal with

I do apologize for the use of foul language. I use it only when I'm so upset, and have tears streaming down my face. If you could only see me, you'd understand.

For the past several days and today in particular, I have been in an extremely foul mood.

That's why I haven't blogged. And maybe now you wish I hadn't and waited till the storm passes by. I appreciate those of you who take the time to read and respond. It means a great deal to me. If you can relate, let me know. If you have no clue, that's okay too. I hope you NEVER have to find out for yourself.
Thank you for listening to me vent. Having your support means so very, very much to me!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sometimes it just helps to vent. I hope you feel better soon emoticon
    2238 days ago
    Wish I had solutions for your dilemmas. emoticon
    2238 days ago
  • MARIANNE9855
    I am sorry. I knew you were suffering with something based on your status updates it seems that the people who have worked the hardest and tried to be independent and responsible suffer the most when they need help. I cannot understand how so many people have so much and others can't get the medical help they need.

    Please don't give up, keep trying hopefully there is some other resource available. We all care , so please keep blogging and reaching out emoticon emoticon
    2238 days ago
  • JMC155
    2238 days ago
    emoticon It is good that you aloow yourself to vent! Remember that we are all here to support each other! emoticon
    2238 days ago
  • BEEJAY49
    I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. I do know exactly how the back pain is, I've had it too. Degenerative disk. I would suggest some back stretches for you, but it sounds like it would be much too painful for you to get down and do them. Try the heating pad if you have one at least for now. I sure hope it starts feeling better.
    I also know how you feel about the help others get and you can't. I get agitated too when I see people "pumping" out kids just to get extra money. It's sad and disgusting all at the same time. You're in my prayers! Love you bunches! HUGS!
    2238 days ago
    Sorry to hear of your pain and struggles.

    2238 days ago
  • SNIC23
    I'm so sorry to learn of your pain and your struggles. The only thing I can come up with is that this too shall pass. Hopefully it passes sooner rather than later, though, especially with you having to walk almost folded in half. That is horrible and I do understand that kind of pain and not having insurance to cover it. I'll be thinking of you and sending happy, pain-free thoughts your way!!!

    2238 days ago
    I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Have you tried looking for low cost clinics? I know they are a real trial, but if it could get you a second opinion or pain medications it may help. I too went through almost the same situation, worked my whole life, had no insurance ( can't afford it) had a life threatening illness and missed a few months of work. I could only get food stamps ( which did help) but no help with medical expenses or any other expenses. My son paid all my bills including rent until I was well enough to work. If not for him, I don't know what would have happened. I wish you all the best and hope you find some resources or resolutions soon.
    emoticon emoticon
    2238 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon I hope you feel better soon.I understand where you are coming from.I have a sister who put herself thru college by working full time,going to school full time plus raise three girls and take care of a sick husband. Now she can only get sub teaching work at a high school where the kids are running the school.She is threatened with rape and assault or worse at least once a week.She made 11,000 last year.March first she found out the Government is attaching her tax refund plus her paycheck for over due student loans. She needed the tax refund for her two months of back rent she propane. She hasn't had hot water in a her pump went out and because she only pays 200 a month on a junky mobile,the landlord won't fix it.Her older daughter pays her car insurance.which has over due tags.My sister said she has to bite the bullet and go to social services again this week to see if she can get food stamps.She always gets turned down for aide because she has a Masters degree.As a family we try to keep her in food and gas money for school.Good luck!

    2238 days ago
    I am sad for you! You must be feeling like a big dark cloud is hovering over your head! There is nothing quite paralyzingly as dealing with the red tape of "the system!"

    I'm sorry you are are having such a rough time, but even dark clouds don't last forever. Do what you can to pamper yourself - be a heating pad & some good music, or maybe cold would feel better. Do whatever you have to do to try to distract yourself from your pain. Music works well for me, as does humor. You may not feel like laughing at all, but you might surprise yourself if you can find a funny book or movie.

    Do take care and know you aren't alone. "This day too shall pass."


    2238 days ago
    Sometimes it just helps to get it out. I hope this helped even a little. I know how you feel about not being able to get help. I have paid into the system my whole life and still can't get any help. As far as calling your mom, I know how that works too. Sometimes you just need a sympathetic ear and it's frustrating when it's not there. That's when I journal or blog and it does help to make me feel better. I hope you asre able to get some help with the pain in your back and the annoyances in your life lessen soon. We are all here to listen when you need us. Good Luck! Renea
    2238 days ago
  • KIMBERLY19732
    2238 days ago
    It's my first response to a blog post ever, since I'm new...but from reading what you wrote, I want to be your BEST FRIEND. You vented in the most appropriate way possible, and language? Psshh...I say worse on a day to day basis just stubbing my toe on the table leg.

    I get where you're coming from. Our struggles certainly couldn't be made any easier by having adequate access to affordable healthcare, could it? (insert sarcasm font there)

    I just wanted to let you know I am on your side. I have some issues with my sister that need to be addressed, and I'm not looking forward to having a talk with her this weekend.

    Stay strong, sister. emoticon
    2238 days ago
    Sorry for the double post. Grrr...
    2238 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/8/2013 1:11:36 PM
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