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Love Yourself Now

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Wednesday, March 06, 2013

Today is day 15 of my streak! (Previous streaks; 290 days, 13 days, and 53 days.)

In my previous blog, "One Year Later", I wrote about the changes that have occurred in my life since I started streaking last year...how I am happier, healthier and fitter. There have been a few comments on that blog that have really made me sad, though.

For example, one person said "I hope I can feel better about myself by next March." Another comment was "Losing weight leads to happiness."

Those comments made my heart hurt a little. They imply that you can't love yourself or be happy unless you lose weight first!

The truth is, you need to love yourself FIRST, before you can have any true and lasting weight loss success. Thats really the secret, because if you can't love yourself right now, you will never really love yourself, not even when you reach your goal.

I'm someone who has always suffered from low self esteem. I never loved myself. As a child, I was always compared to my sister, who was called "the pretty one." In school, I was made fun of and called names including "Pixie Big Nose".

My first husband often told me that he was too good looking to be seen in public with me. He had special names that he called me. His favorites were "Dog" and "Lardo."

So of course I always felt that I was ugly and unlovable. No one else loved me, so why should I love myself? Even after I met my current husband, my self esteem was still very low. And it wasn't always tied to my weight. As a child, teen and young adult, I was very thin. The weight didn't start to come on until I hit my late 20's. But of course, after the weight came on, my self esteem became even lower. I would go on diets and lose weight, but I was still the same unhappy person. So of course the weight would always come back on.

I'd often heard that you have to love yourself first in order to lose weight successfully. I just sort of brushed that off as a bunch of hooey. What did self love have to do with weight loss?

But last March, things changed. I was at my highest weight ever, and I knew I had to do something about it. I literally couldn't go on living that way, because my obesity was slowly killing me.

Up until then, I'd tried so many different ways of losing weight...some healthy, some not healthy. Some of them worked, and some of them didn't, but none of them ever lead to any lasting success, because even after the weight loss, I was still the same unhappy person who had no self esteem.

So why not try to love myself? Why not "build a bridge and get over it?" Why not let the past go, and start treating myself with love and respect?

When I started my first streak last March, I decided to make it about something other than just weight loss. I decided to make it about loving myself enough to make each day as healthy as I possibly could.

It wasn't easy. I didn't just wake up on March 1st with a good sense of self esteem. But I knew I could just "fake it until I make it." So every day, I would wake up and write down one good thing about myself in my personal journal. And then I would tell myself that I deserved to live a healthy, fit life. Day by day, my self esteem started to increase. When I would finish a difficult workout, I would reward myself with a mental pat on the back. And everytime I would be tempted to skip a workout, I would say "I will love myself enough to take care of my body by working out today." If I was tempted to eat something unhealthy, I would say "I love myself too much to put junk food in my body."

To be honest, it felt a little strange at first! But as time went by, I started to realize that I wasn't just saying the words. I was feeling them! I really was learning to love myself!

I've lost 71 lbs since last March, but I don't love myself because I've lost weight. I love myself because I am me, and this is the only life on earth that I'm going to get. I don't want to waste another minute of my life on self hatred. I don't want to wait until I reach my goal weight to start being happy. I choose to be happy now. I choose to love myself now. Losing weight didn't lead to happiness. Choosing happiness is what lead to weight loss.

I still have more weight to lose, but I'm not waiting until then to feel good about myself. I hope you won't wait, either. Love yourself, and then show the love by taking care of your health. You really are worth it!

"I am a Jesus girl who can step on the scale and see the numbers as an indication of how much my body weighs and not as an indication of my worth."
~From Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst
(shared by Sparkfriend Lemon2012)


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • RDEE22
    Great Blog. Great message. So true. emoticon
    1900 days ago
    I find that it's hard to see what one really looks like when we have struggled with weight, so if we are waiting until we look perfect before we love ourselves...well, that may never happen!!
    1900 days ago
    You go girlfriend! emoticon
    1900 days ago
    1900 days ago
    You are amazing Pixie. You are full of so much wisdom. Thanks for all that you do.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1900 days ago
    Great blog. Great quotes.
    1900 days ago
  • NCSUE0514
    LOVE it!
    1900 days ago
    love the quote:

    all the best... GO FOR IT
    1900 days ago
    Thanks. I needed to hear that!
    1900 days ago
    You are so right on here. I think a lot of us think that the "loving onesself" thing, like you so aptly wroted, is a bunch of hooey. After all, how can that be the key to success? Don't I just have to eat less and move more? How can "loving myself" take the pounds off? It really does sound far fetched. To add to that, I was taught that the best attitude is putting others first, having humility, and that the first shall be last. So now I'm supposed to go around saying a bunch of nice things to myself?
    But now slowly I am starting to realize that loving oneself does not mean becoming an egotistical person who "thinks she's so great" or whatever. It means showing kindness and compassion to yourself as much as you show it to others. Saying to yourself sometimes, maybe quite often, "I know you are suffering and that this is hard. Suffering is a part of life. May you be kind and gentle with yourself." It even means accepting that horribly mean voice in your head who does nothing but criticize, and say "Look, I know you mean well. I know you want to protect me from being unloved or unaccepted. But you are not effective. I can't listen to you. Thank you for your good intentions, and farewell". f
    We are told to love others as we love ourselves. This implies that we do love ourselves. That's reassuring! Just as we want our own children to be happy, secure, loved, healthy and to feel good about themselves and with others in the world, God wants the same and more for his children - his love is even greater! (Which is hard to even imagine, but I like to try). He came so that we could have life, and have it MORE ABUNDUNTLY - not just after death but before! That means now.
    Sorry to write so much and I don't mean to get all preachy and turn anyone off,
    I am dealing with this myself right now and it is really nice to read what you write and hear that there are others out there too. Keep the faith!!
    1900 days ago
    Thanks for telling your story, and for the inspiration. You are quite amazing (and your nose is cute!)
    1900 days ago
  • SISSIE21
    Love, love love this blog! That is a huge part of the journey, learning to love yourself. And it is incredibly difficult when we live in a world that constantly tells us our self worth is measured in a large part by how we look. I have felt the stares and disapproval of people when walking down the street. I have had 'friends' give me books on weight loss as my birthday present. I grew up in a family of normal weight people and was told to not eat what my siblings were eating because it will make me get fatter. Looking back at pictures, I wasn't even overweight, just not as skinny as my sister. So the self hate (or withholding of self love) begins very early.
    I can go on and on, but we've all been there, or at least most of us...

    So I believe that if you are able to learn to love yourself, even though you have been told in so many ways that you are not lovable simply because of your size, well that in itself is an incredible accomplishment. Your practice of writing something good about yourself in a journal is a great one, think I'll start doing that as well! A journey in self love, what an empowering idea...

    Your background page says it all: Be your own hero.
    Thank you for writing this blog, it has touched me deeply. emoticon
    1900 days ago
    emoticon for the reminders and inspiration. emoticon
    1900 days ago
    I'm glad to see you have touched so many people with your insightful and wise blog. I thought several times "I want to quote that in my status or on my teams" and a little further down "Oh I want to quote that too!" Looks like I need to post a link to the whole blog! emoticon

    Thank you for being a passionate and articulate proponent of self-love--the true secret to getting healthier!

    Blessed Be, Amanda emoticon
    1900 days ago
  • JMSA67
    Thank you! The timing on this was just right. Have a great day! I hope you know how much your words mean to many people. Thank you very much
    1900 days ago
  • 123ELAINE456
    This is an Awesome Beautiful Blog!!! One of the Best I've seen. I Love Your Quotes You send out Everyday too. You are Amazing. Your Writings are so well written. I have punished myself in anyway I can because of the things I done in my life. Family would always blame me for everything that happen. Had a rough child, teen and adult years. Have speech problem. Was chase home wth kids throwing rocks at me. People treat me awful now. In apartment 24/7. Very uneasy around anyone now. Have always tried to help people. I was okay as long as I was doing things for them but when I stop everyone diasappears on me. So l hope I can start doing some of the things in your blog for myself. You are doing Great Things. Keep It Up. This is the Way To Go. I appreiciate it and Thank You Very Much. God Blessings To Everyone. Have a Marvelous Day. Take Care. Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    1900 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/7/2013 12:48:01 AM
    Awesome! emoticon
    1900 days ago
    Very profound and true,
    1901 days ago
    Another great post. This line really stood out: "I love myself too much to put junk food in my body." I'm working very hard at not seeing sweets and junk food as a reward or a stress reliever. I appreciate your comments - thank you!
    1901 days ago
    Great blog Pixie I always enjoy reading your blogs. You are so good with words. emoticon emoticon
    1901 days ago
    1901 days ago
    I agree, I hope I wasn't one of the people you described implying that you need to be thin to be worthy. If I was please accept my apologies, on my SparkPage I have as my goal to get healthy and if along the way I loose weight then so be it!
    1901 days ago
    I agree completely emoticon emoticon
    1901 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1901 days ago
    Once again, another insightful, inspiring blog! Why is it so hard for us to love ourselves? I really struggle with this too.

    I had a friend acouple of years ago that always had that "I'll be happy when I lose this weight." attitude. Sure enough, she did lose a bunch of weight. She looked fantastic. But sure enough, she still never really learned to love herself. Now, years later, she is still unhappy and has also put all the weight back on.

    I think we lose too much of our lives waiting to be happy. "I'll be happy when..." It is time to be happy NOW. It is time to love ourselves NOW. AND let's love ourselves enough to take care of ourselves and get healthy.

    Thank you for sharing.
    1901 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/6/2013 8:49:52 PM
  • DONNA5281
    emoticon blog!
    I love reading your blogs, they always give me hope.
    I am just learning to love myself and it is very difficult for me.
    I was always put down since I was very young!

    1901 days ago
    Great advice. This is an area that I'm working on.

    1901 days ago
    We must, we must love ourselves. emoticon
    1901 days ago
    Another great blog... I agree but not sure that I do. Sad at 56 but learning. HUGS and you are fantastic!!!
    1901 days ago
    Awesome! I always find great nuggets from you! Thanks!
    1901 days ago
  • DALID414
    Great advice.
    1901 days ago
    Another good one pixie! So thankful my husband thinks im great ....always has! and says so! Sure glad you don't have that first guy anymore. I nearly had to pick my jaw up off the floor when I read your "nicknames" Way uncool! That had to be hard to share but soooooo many( sadly) will relate and you will lift them up!

    Hurrah for you having found the real you! Keep going girl! hurray hurray hurray!
    1901 days ago
    Another good one Pixie!! Thanks for the encouragement!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1901 days ago
  • DRB13_1
    beautiful... emoticon
    1901 days ago
    I really liked your blog and thank you for always sharing. I also liked the part that you put from " Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst" I have this and she is really good and it make you think of the weight in a different way emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1901 days ago
  • CHERIJ16
    Really good advice. I had a first husband like that but the guy I've been married to for 37 years thinks I'm beautiful no matter how I look. I have learned to love myself but I have never really thought about it in the context of taking care of myself. Thanks for the mantra. I will remind myself that I love myself enough to make good choices. emoticon
    1901 days ago

    Great blog Pixie. I will add your daily affirmation to my daily routine thanks to you. You rock woman.

    1901 days ago
    Wonderful blog Pixie. So many great points and all the pictures where perfect.

    Thank you, more fuel for my brain.

    Hugs Mary
    1901 days ago
    1901 days ago
  • RAMONA1954
    Yes you have to love yourself each step of the way otherwise you'll never be happy. Great blog. emoticon
    1901 days ago
  • ZIGGY122
    You are always full of encouragement with your blogs, for all of us that follow you. Thank you for being a emoticon emoticon
    1901 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1901 days ago
  • LINDAK25
    Wonderful blog. The posters are perfect. This learning to love yourself is hard work! It's hard not to listen to other peoples negativity. I saw this somewhere: What other people think of you is none of your business. We need to learn to let it go! Maybe we all need one of those necklaces with the super S on it. When you start treat yourself badly just hold that in your hand and tell yourself that you really are super!
    1901 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/6/2013 4:42:19 PM
  • ANDREA0301
    Great blog! You're doing such amazing things for yourself. Keep up the good work!
    1901 days ago
    Very nice Pixie, you always seem to know what to say, when to say it and how.

    Thanks so much for blogging.

    1901 days ago
    I love this blog. It is one of the best blogs I have read in a long time. All I have to say is Amen!!
    1901 days ago
    Love it! This is so inspirational and definitely struck my inner core. I couldn't have said it any better and actually, was something I needed to review today. You're the best! Thanks for sharing more of WHO you really are! emoticon
    1901 days ago
    Great Blog! One of the best you've ever written! Thank you for sharing so candidly the things that you've gone through and how you came to the decision to pull yourself up and begin a different journey of being kind and loving to yourself. There are a lot of us here (I'm one of them) who can relate to some of the things you've shared, and I know I draw comfort from seeing you overcome all of that. You are so strong and determined, and I have the utmost respect and love for you!
    1901 days ago
    Great blog. I especially like the 2 phrases about 'loving yourself enough'.
    1901 days ago
    This is an emoticon blog post, Pixie!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon for writing this honest/touching blog post...This is something I truly needed to read today!!! You are an inspiration emoticon
    1901 days ago
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