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Chrssy and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Wednesday, March 06, 2013

I will preface this by saying that this blog has very little, if not anything at all, to do with nutrition/weight etc...

Monday started out as a great day. I felt good, I had a good day with my students, minus the sore throat, I had a good day. I called "The Boy" like I normally would and he didn't answer which wasn't totally abnormal. A few minutes later I got a text that said "Call me when you get home ok" So I text back a quick "ok" and drove home. I called back when I got into the parking lot and the conversation did not go anywhere near how it usually goes. Usually its a "how was your day?" and then a response and then the same for the other person and then we decide what to have for dinner, or if we're going to hang out that night or whatever....not this time. This time it was a "I don't want to spend as much time with you as we've been....it's a lot" and my response was "well, we can hang out less during the week or whatever, that's fine, I can respect that you want some more space" (granted he's usually just as much a part of making plans as I am to hang out/dinner plans etc). Then it turned to "that's not what I want....I feel like we need to just stop spending time together." He then proceeded to go on for almost 40 minutes about how he's older than me (he's 40, I'm 28) and he's been through things that I haven't and he wants more for me and he thinks that I want more and I need to look somewhere else... He kept repeating this (in a variety of ways) and would add in "I'm not trying to break your heart" or "I care about you a lot and that's why I'm doing this".... "You're an amazing, beautiful woman, but I just know that I can't give you what you want and what you deserve" and he "didn't want things to get to the point where we resented each other and things just blew up and ruined everything including our friendship" Of course I'm sitting in my car trying to not just completely lose it.... trying to breath, not let him know that I was crying/trying to control my sobbing and he asks me how I'm feeling about all of it.... SERIOUSLY!?! How do you think I'm feeling!???? So of course I try to get through what I want to say- not that it would make any kind of difference- and basically state the fact that he's also my best friend and I never felt or feel obligated to spend time with him- the reason I do it is because I like spending time with him. Not that it makes any kind of a difference. He was very persistent on wanting to stay friends but I'm going to need some time before I can handle that. Anyways.... I'm a mess.... a total and complete mess.... I don't know what to do with myself and I just feel so lonely.

My best friend Meaghan came over Monday night (I called her almost as soon as I got in the door) and we just hung out and then went and got some food and alcohol.... I didn't eat a lot (my stomach is still in knots so its been hard to eat much of anything) but then we went back to my place and just hung out a little more...I honestly don't know what I would do without her....She ended up staying over which was good because I'm not sure I would have been able to get myself out of bed yesterday if it hadn't been for her.

Last night was really rough....it was the first day that we haven't talked or at least text in almost a year. Even before that it was rare to go a day without talking. I know that everything will work out and I will be okay, but right now, it doesn't feel that way at all. Times when I'm not busy/not with people is going to be the hardest for a while. I'm going to try to not let this whole thing put me into a slump and am going to make a huge effort to use my emotions to push me more to work out ("exercise makes endorphins, and endorphins make you happy... (and happy people don't kill people)" - 100000 points for the person who can name the movie). I don't know what I'm going to do without him.... I know that I don't have to be totally without him, but for now, I do because its the only way I'm going to be able to move on and try to get myself into a place where I'm able to have a healthy relationship with someone else. I want to be happy, and I'm generally a happy person, but when you get dumped by someone who you were great with out of nowhere, it kind of kills the happy. I absolutely hate dating and starting new relationships- I don't like the whole "figuring someone out" phase.... I was WAY past that with "The Boy" and I could totally be myself around him without any thought and I have never been with anyone where I could do that.... After 2 years of being with the same person and knowing what to expect and then going into not knowing where anything is going, not knowing what I want.... etc....its scary. I am going to take one day at a time, putting one foot in front of the other and just work on getting through today...I'll tackle tomorrow when I get there.

Until Next Time emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am so sorry. "Boy's" are dumb! Age is just a number, and as long as you are in the same places in your lives, it should not matter. Remember, what you want is important, I have spent too many years trying to fit a sqare peg in a round whole where men are concerned.

    Take this time to be you, don't worry about being alone, no one is really alone as long as they have family and friends around them, and I know you do.

    It just plain ole sucks doesn't it!!! Hang in there and remember how special you are ok!!!
    1875 days ago
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    Sometimes you have to let go of things to make room for something better. Spend this time focusing on you. It still sucks and still hurts but you can get through this.
    1876 days ago
    I know that it is hard, but use this time to better yourself. Know that everything he said IS TRUE... You are beautiful and do deserve better. Any guy that is worth your time would want to spend it with you and make you feel like the most gorgeous girl in the world! I was once in your shoes (not same situation, but you know what I mean) and honestly you are taking it a lot better than I did. I thought it was the end of the world and wasn't sure how I was going to deal with it. Then one day I decided I wasn't going to let some guy who thought less of me than I was worth determine how I feel about myself. I started working out and building my confidence which in turn lead me to the sweet guy I have today. Spend your time with people who love you and care about youa and doing things you love. Sending you a million hugs because I know this is hard, but you're a strong girl and I know you'll get through it! xoxo
    1877 days ago
    Breakups totally suck. (Which is why Elle headed immediately for the nail salon!)

    I'm so so sorry ... my son is going thru a breakup after two years with someone who was his best friend, so all this sounds so familiar. Huge hole when someone who's that much a part of your life suddenly is gone. Kudos to you for reaching out to other friends to help you thru.

    There's no way to get thru life without having this happen, at some time ... so if it helps to know you're in good company, know that "the course of true love never did run smooth." (and 100000 points if you can name that play!!!)

    Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat until your heart starts to heal.
    1877 days ago
    OK he is an idiot for playing the age card. My in-laws joke about the fact that my mother in law was in first grade when my Father in law graduated High school. 12 years apart and 25 years of being happily married. I think once your past 25 or so the age part really stops mattering so much.

    Anyway I am happy to be not dating, but I do feel for those who are. Glad to hear you have some girlfriends to turn to.

    Hugs to you. There are some great guys out there hope you can find one soon.
    1877 days ago

    Sorry for your heartbreak......
    1877 days ago
    Breakups suck. Sorry to hear that.

    It isn't nice to just donkey-punch someone like that. Especially after so long. If I were in that position, I'd have said something as soon as I was able to identify it, but that's just me.

    My fiancee and I are 12 years apart. Our differences are, for the most part, about who we are, not how old we are. Age shouldn't be problem since it's not like you're a kid... Unfortunately, some things bother some people even though there's not necessarily anything wrong with it. I don't mean to sound insensitive, but it probably just means that he's not The One. Still hurts, I know. Been there.

    Every heartbreak leaves a crack, but the cracks become doors for the right person to enter your heart.

    Be extra nice to YOU. You need it and deserve it, especially now.

    1877 days ago
  • WUBBY82
    Oh Chrssy, I'm so sorry girl! But you do have a logical point. I started my whole workout/transformation/happiness journey the day I deleted an ex completely from my life.

    It will be rough. There will be more bumps than you'd like, than you could ever possibly need. Scream, yell, cuss, cry. You need an outlet. If it's grunting at the gym, yelling on a mountain. Do something. ANYTHING it takes to help you find your new happy.

    Sure, age is nothing but a number. But both people have to feel that way. If it's a barrier for him still, after two years, it will be in the future.

    And don't feel bad if, after this time apart, you don't want to be friends at all. You will change on this journey. You will realize what you've been putting up with. And you will realize you deserve better. No one can tell you how to feel, "I told you so", what should happen, how this will work out. But it will. Give it time.

    I'm here for you, whatever you need. Let me know what I can do. *hugs*
    1877 days ago
    Ok first LEGALLY BLONDE. I freaking love that movie.

    Secondly, I'm not gonna sit here and say what a lot of people always says when it happens.. Ill say what I always wish people would say to me in this situation. If it hurts, then cry. If you want to Talk about it, then express yourself. You have every right to be hurt, because what he did is really messed up. If you want to hate him for a while, then hate him for a while. Get selfish and focus your attention on yourself, because apparently he can't see how awesome you are. Therefore, he doesn't deserve that attention. But you do. Because you are smart, funny, and gorgeous! And he's a little crazy about the age difference. It's only 12 years. My parents are 12 years apart and have been married for almost 30 years. Age really ain't nothing but a number.

    Okay, my rant is over. But don't let anyone tell you that it's not okay to be angry, or to hurt, or to cry, or to hate men right now. It is perfectly okay. And I'm here for you if you need me.
    1877 days ago
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