So today I figured I would throw a twist in the workouts and jumped on the elliptical for an endurance run, strapped on my music and got lost in Pandora for almost an hour. Steady state cardio is a thorn in my workout side. It has never been my favorite thing to do, in fact, I tend to resist it with all my might. I know it is something I need to do, however...
So there I was, jamming along both on the elliptical and to my music
and something happened... time flew... I loved it. Not only did I get the chance to work up a very good sweat, but I had almost a total hour to myself. Ear buds in. Sound of my heavy breathing in the background. Alone with my thoughts. Something that rarely happens for a stay at home mom of four is alone time, so it is something that I cherish when I do get it. It was pure bliss.
But during that time I just kept thinking. Thinking about my goals and what I want and what I don't want.
to reach my goal weight
to feel lighter
to gain strength
to lose inches
to build upon my already pretty healthy habits
to know the power of what eating healthy, whole foods yields
to feel athletic
to wear smaller jeans
to not feel *completely* mortified in a swimming suit
to feel good about wearing shorts
to have the knowledge that my stubborness has paid off
to be able say that I reached my goal
But among that list of wants I also have some don't wants.......
I don't want.....
to set unrealistic goals and expectations for myself so that it is so difficult to maintain when I reach my goal
to be one of those no fun stick in the a.. types who refuses to have fun and not enjoy food
to lose faith in myself and my ability to reach goals because of my stubborn streak
to lose that balance and gain the all or nothing mentality
to live a life of absolutes, always and nevers
to wear my size 12's anymore
to see the scale stuck anymore
In all reality, I just want to be able to set goals for myself that are challenging but attainable. I know what I want. I think they are reasonable and doable and can be maintained once I reach them. Like I said above, I refuse to be one of those types who absolutely refuses to let loose once in awhile and enjoy a beer with the hubs or during a girls night out. I refuse to be one of those high strung, uptight women who is ALWAYS counting calories and can't let loose to enjoy a sloppy, greasy burger once in awhile. I guess more than anything, along with reaching my goals I want to reach that balance I once had of naturally eating the healthier foods, but being able to kick back and enjoy an occasional Starbucks or burger or whatever. I did it before, I will do it again. I do see the calorie counting as temporary. When I reach my goal weight and find the comfortable place where I can eat to maintain, I will drop it like a hot potato. I can't say I really enjoy it, but it hasn't been as big of a burden as I used to make it -- having the app on my tablet and phone and the way that SP now has the nutrition tracker makes it a whole lot nicer than it was when I was losing before.
I am still zeroing in on what I am going to do post ChaLEAN. I have a few ideas swirling around in my busy brain, so stay tuned and I'll keep everyone posted! I just need to figure out what direction I want to go in. I am leaning in the direction of stepping away from the DVD's for a bit, amping up my playlist and doing my own thing. I am leaning in the direction of The New Rules of Lifting or Jamie Eason's program. We'll see...