60,000-79,999 SparkPoints 73,729

Friends who sabotage?

Sunday, March 03, 2013

Does anyone have friends who either openly or underhandedly try to sabotage your weight loss? One of my closest friends is very overweight. We started at about the same size but now I've lost 45 lbs and she hasn't lost anything significant. I hadn't seen her in about a month (we decided to take a break from our Friday night bar routine) and we saw each other for the first time on February 15th. Anyway, when I opened the front door she said "Ok, the good friend in my wants to tell you how incredibly skinny you look but the rest of me wants to say 'I hate you bitch!'" At the time, I thought it was weirdly nice. After all, she was complimenting me, right? Since then, we've gone out to dinner a couple of times. Last weekend was Olive Garden. I planned ahead and knew exactly what I was going to order so I could stay within my calorie limit for the day. She, on the other hand, ordered something really fattening. I didn't eat anything I hadn't planned on so I felt like the evening (at least for me) was a success. Anyway, we went out again last night. I planned ahead as I had before but then we ended up going to a different restaurant because the weather was too crappy to drive where we had originally planned. I ordered a veggie pasta dish that ended up being smothered in a creamy sauce. I took 2 bites and threw the rest away as soon as I got home. She wanted to order a sampler platter and I ate 2 onion rings. That was fine, I had been craving them for some reason over the last week, so I didn't beat myself up too much about it. She ordered tortellini alfredo. Before going out to dinner I had a session with my trainer. She mentioned that she thought my friend was trying to sabotage me by wanting to dine out so much recently. I thought that was a little harsh, but my best friend had made a similar comment the night before.

The thing that kills me is that I want her to succeed along with me! She is so unhappy and has such crappy self-esteem. She lets men treat her like crap and she deserves so much better. There are so many things that we both enjoy doing but have been unable to do because of our weight. We both want to go skydiving and we both want to start going on rides again. I'll be able to do those things this summer and it doesn't look like she will, which honestly bums me out. A lot. I know I can't make her want it and I know I can't give her the willpower that she needs. It's taken me 5 years (which is how long I've been overweight) to develop this level of willpower so I KNOW how difficult it is. I just want her to be as happy as I am and I feel like the more I succeed, the more resentful she's going to be of me. It's not going to stop me from achieving my goals, but I wish she would join me on this journey.

Well, that was my rant for the day. Thanks for listening!
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Friends like that are tough. Have you tried talking to her about it?

    Maybe she's not aware she's doing it? It's possible she's doing it but not on purpose? I don't really know.

    I hope eventually she will get on board for you :)
    2830 days ago
  • TXTOAD9970
    I am sorry your friend is trying to sabotage your progress. That doesn't make her seem like a very good friend. Maybe one day she will find the willpower to lose her weight. Until then, you shouldn't feel guilty about your success - you've worked very hard and should be proud of yourself.
    2831 days ago
  • DEE1221
    You have to do what is right for you. You know that you put in a lot of hard work to lose your weight. I know that you want that for her too, but she has to want it for herself enough to work at it too.

    One time I had a "friend" stop talking to me because I was losing weight and walking daily. Someone told me "Don't let her piss on my parade". In nicer terms, I couldn't let her get me down because I was feeling good about my accomplishments.

    2831 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.