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BLC 17- WUB #6: Struggling a bit... seems to be the theme this week!

Sunday, March 03, 2013

Another week down! I completed all of the challenges, but I'm feeling like I'm struggling a bit.

As some of you know, my husband and I decided to try to have another baby. I say try because I have PCOS, which affects fertility, so I'm not sure what is going to happen, but anyway, this relates to weight loss because I have altered my calories and exercise to be a little more "conception-friendly."

As far as fitness is concerned, I stopped using my rebounder and bought myself a stationary recumbent bike, which I love! I walked for a few days this week, but it was by my lonesome, so I was incredibly bored. I really like the bike though, and feel like I get a nice, low impact workout that I can continue doing even if I am able to get pregnant.

As far as food goes, instead of staying as close to 1200 calories as I can manage, I'm shooting for 1400-1500 calories per day. This is still technically in my Spark calorie range, but there is a HUGE difference between 1200 and 1500 calories! I feel like I'm overeating and it has been a little hard to adjust. Sometimes it feels great, and other times I feel really guilty.

And the guilt feels worse because my weight loss has slowed down so much. I know that it isn't just because of the increased calories because it slowed down before I even upped my calories, but I "only" lost 6 pounds in February, although my goal was initially 10 pounds, which I then revised to 8 pounds. I keep trying to tell myself that the closer I get to my goal weight (39.8 pounds to go!), the slower my weight loss is going to be, but I can't help but feel a little disappointed.

I also feel kind of guilty because I think I should care more about not meeting my goals. It isn't that I am remotely wanting to throw in the towel, but I just know that I would rather be moderate, have a moderate weight loss, and have a better chance of getting pregnant than push myself, meet higher weight loss goals, but have less chance of conceiving.

I don't know... I'm having a hard time explaining how I'm feeling. I guess it boils down to my heart feeling like I'm on the right path to where I need and want to be, but my brain telling me that anything less than perfection isn't acceptable.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Six pounds is a great weight loss and you should be proud of that. I can understand your turmoil because you are finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and while you want with all of your heart to be a mommy again, you really want to focus on yourself and your weight loss while you have momentum. I get it. I say continue to do what you can and relax as much as possible because stress is going to reduce your chances of conceiving.
    1933 days ago
    As I hear it, you ARE meeting your goals. You are exercising responsibly and regularly. You are eating healthfully and mindfully.

    As long as you are doing that, I almost feel like the scale doesn't matter. I hate it when people set their goals in terms of pounds lost because there are so many variables to weight loss that we have no control over. If you did your part, you succeeded -- and the scale will catch up sooner or later. And if your part is less conducive to weight loss because you are focusing on getting your body ready for something else, well, that's okay too.

    Separately, have you talked to a doctor about what would be more "conception-friendly" as you put it? Are you sure there's a reason to increase your calories before you actually do conceive?
    1935 days ago
    It sounds to me that you have two really contradicting things going on. You feel guilty for not meeting goals you set, but those aren't your actual goals any more are they? It seems like your goals have changed and you're giving yourself a hard time for not being able to meet two contradicting goals at the same time. One obviously has a higher priority right now and you're doing your best to meet that one.

    Your new goals all seem in line with each other -- upping your calorie counts to be conducive to getting preggers while also staying within your calorie range for weight loss. It's a tricky balancing act and it seems like you're making great choices to get there.

    Since you've made all sorts of visual motivators for the weight loss goals that your brain seems to be stuck on, what about making some for your new goals? Maybe SEEING them will help get your brain back in check?
    1936 days ago
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