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A Day Not Normalfor Me

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Well, normal days since October have been days where tears have flowed readily, often, and enough to fill a river. Today was one day that wasn't normal. Today was a day that I have shed no tears, at least not yet and it is 10:15pm.
No tears? does that mean that I don't miss Edward? Does that mean that I am forgetting? No, it doesn't mean those things. maybe it means that I am adjusting to being without him. maybe it means that I am running out of tears. I have certainly ried enough to run out. Maybe it means that I am just too tired to cry today.
Now, some might wonder if I feel guilty for not crying. No, I don't. The tears are painful and I don't feel guilty for not feeling pain. I have thought about this and wondered why I don't feel guilty and I can't esplain it. It just is, or isn't in the guilt realm.
I didn't even cry when I sent a condolonce letter to a widow whose husband had served on the same ship that my husband served on so many years ago. I have written a lot of condolence cards and letters since Octber when Ed died and today's was the first that didn't bring tears.
So, today wasn't a normal day, so to speak, but maybe I will have enough of these abnormal days that they will become the normal ones.
As Jimmy Buffett says, "Breathe in, breathe out, move on. As God says, " For every thing there is a season..." Maybe, as spring approaches my season of tears is diminishing.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JO88BAKO
    Just wanted to stop by and say hi. Hope you have a good weekend. Give Sandy Claws a massage for me.
    1938 days ago
    There is no universal "normal". And we never learn how to deal with grief in school. All we can do is our best, and over time we all adjust in our own way.
    1939 days ago
  • SUCCESSN2018

    Feel free to PM me. My husband was active duty in the Navy when he passed away due to a drunk driver. I understand those tears, but more importantly I understand your blog.

    1939 days ago
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