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slowly coming around

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Hey there Sparklers! I thank you sooooo much for holding me down and covering me in support when I hit my rough patch over these past couple of weeks. Being in the weeds taught me a few things:

1. Comfort food is no longer comfortable for me. When I was on vacay eating my old standbys and when I came back and was out to eat two nights in a row, I felt the sickest I have felt in a long time. And not like sick to my stomach. I felt sluggish, I felt lathargic, slow and moody. I also felt underwhelmed. Those foods I used to love felt like a waste of time and calories. I didn't get much enjoyment out of it and afterwards I was craving healthy stuff.

2. Structure helps AND hurts me. Diet programs and fitness programs will never work for me because I am too impulsive and spontaneous of a personality and get bored easily. On the other hand, the structure of a standard work week and weekend helps me be more successful. What i mean by that is that I travel a lot with work and being away from my routine throws me off. Vacations throw me off. In a regular week, I know which days I will go to Zumba, which days I will do HIIT training, which days I will take it easy and what things I will eat based on what I am doing at work and I stay on track with that. I didn't travel all summber and I lost the bulk of my weight then because of a routine, but that routine was dictated by me, not a program and that is why I was successful.

3. I am a changed woman. When I lost weight a couple of years ago, it slowly crept back on and I was utterly shocked when I had gained it all back, then some. This time around, I sense in THE MOMENT when I am making a decision that can derail me. In those moments I consciously choose whether to eat that desert or skip that workout and I also decide then how I will recoup from that decision. I am no longer letting myself off the hook and even with this slight bump in my motivation, I was never afraid that I wouldn't be successful.

4. Even when it gets tough, KEEP SPARKING. There were some days over the past two weeks where I didn't blog but I went and read someone else's blog and encouraged them. Or maybe I just updated my status. A couple of times I just stopped by to see if anyone had posted on my page or read a blog or commented on a picture. I think I wanted to know that people still cared and were worried about me. And you know what I found: PEOPLE REALLY CARED. So many of you just wanted to know that I was still fighting. Some just told me that they were thinking of me. Some told me that they needed me to keep going so that THEY could keep going. I don't have enough tongues to thank you all. You are beautiful people, inside and out, and you remind me that sometimes your struggles aren't about you. SOmetimes you have to go through tough times to be a testimony to someone else. I am okay with that if it means that I can encourage another Sparkler when they are down. But now I am UP. I am on board. I am consciously deciding to skip Zumba tonight after three days of long workouts (my hips need a break). I have guzzled water and green tea today and ate sensibly. Last night I went waaay over my calories - the culprit: a little candy but mostly the dish of yams I had post-workout. I then made salmon with a honey mustard and garlic glaze, broccoli and wild rice. Nonetheless, I ended my day with a 600 calorie deficit due in part to my 90 minute workout.

Thank you again for the love and support!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JENNY160
    I hear ya on the unhealthy foods thing. Had McDonald's fish and fries last Friday, and it felt as if I had a brick in my belly. Not to mention the lovely gastrointestinal distress later that evening. Good times.

    I hope to get to the point where you are in #3. Well, I guess I AM in that place, in terms of awareness of my actions and their consequences, but unfortunately, although aware that I have a decision to make, I frequently choose what I know to be the bad decision, all the while thinking, "Why are you doing this? You know you shouldn't be eating this. You don't need this. Just put it down. Get out of the car, the gym is RIGHT THERE. Don't eat in front of the TV/in bed/at midnight (or all three at the same time)". And I continue to eat whatever it is I'm eating, or not doing what I should be doing, with the knowledge of what's right spinning in view of my mind's eye.

    For #4, I agree that sometimes a note someone leaves for you makes all the difference in the world. Not so many comments on my pages, but them's the breaks. I just don't think many people read my blog. Or maybe it's (I'm) just boring.
    1878 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/1/2013 2:32:55 PM
    PREACH on point #1! A lot of the foods that used to be major temptations for me just aren't enjoyable anymore, or make my stomach hurt. It's how we know we're successfully re-calibrating our food habits, right?

    Glad you're back on board!
    1879 days ago
    great job
    1879 days ago
  • DONNA5281
    emoticon emoticon
    emoticon emoticon

    emoticon ,Donna
    1879 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    Glad you're back! emoticon emoticon
    1879 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1879 days ago
    emoticon I think we are both trying to find a new way to live with food. Its just nutrition... not a therapist and a boyfriend and a best friend anymore... its just food. Okay, sometimes I agree its a treat, but I have divorced specific foods with rewards in my mind.
    1879 days ago
  • PURPLE180
    You are ALWAYS there to support us. emoticon
    1879 days ago
    That's what makes Sparkpeople so great...the support!! You've got this! You know where you've been, where you are at and where you want to go! emoticon
    1879 days ago
    We all need a little love and support! We are all in this TOGETHER!!

    emoticon emoticon
    1879 days ago
    Glad your inner being is as healthy as your outer being!
    We're here for you and wish you the emoticon

    1879 days ago
    You are an inspiration to many and I'm proud that you didn't give in but kept right on Sparking!!! xoxoxoxo
    1879 days ago
  • ROBB1N
    Good to hear you're back on track. I agree with you, structure is important, but it has to be structured by yourself not someone else.
    1879 days ago
    I'm so happy for you. You really seem like you are coming at weightless with a clear determined mind. You will go so far with this winning way of thinking. ;)
    1879 days ago
  • BLONDIE218145
    We all need support and we're here for you!
    1879 days ago
    1879 days ago
    Your welcome to the support, thank you for your support, too. Ejoyed reading your blog. Keep up the good work.
    1879 days ago
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