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Confessions of binge eating

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

2 weeks of eating within the range, tracking and exercising and loving it then...

Last week I had a moment that lasted 5 days. A moment where I didn't go the gym for 5 days. I had my reasons, my excuses, sure. I cut my finger and it bled for like a whole day so I had to keep it elevated.. that was day 1, day 2, time of the month... time of the month lasted a few days then guess what, I didn't feel like going to the gym after that. Lost momentum. So I missed the gym, big deal! But it was a big deal because the next thing you know I'm feeling like crap because of the time of the month so I buy some dark chocolate. That's okay you might think, but once I start eating it I eat more than a serving. Then I buy some chocolate chips to put in the kids sugar free whole wheat banana muffins I bake for them to take for school snack... but I eat a lot of them.. the muffins and the chocolate chips, one day then the next. I stop tracking my food on Sparkpeople... Then I bake another batch. I drink a few beers on Friday AND Saturday night. I continue to eat the muffins and I bake another batch! Picnic on Sunday, still overeating on Monday... Okay, so you see I did everything wrong. And it all started with not going to the gym because I was feeling light headed. What will I do next time that part of the month comes around??? Or when I'm feeling stressed that I can't find a job? Or that my husband is only human...

I know there is some way to deal with this, I did lose 50 lbs before and it was less than 2 years ago that I started. I have gained back 25 of those lbs. I can't remember how I managed to stick it through the tough time of the month but I know I did. And I looked better then and felt better because I wasn't overweight.

Btw I'm on day 2 of tracking and exercising again and I already feel much better. So I got back on the wagon. Pat on the back for that. I didn't let it turn into 5 months or 5 years.. I don't know why I couldn't stop stuffing food in my mouth for 5 days. I never felt full once. I just felt out of control. I guess I just can't be around sweets or white bread. What on earth is it in those chocolate chips that made me want to eat them non stop?

I am entirely uncomfortable with the format of blogging about this and anybody being able to read it but I feel a need to push myself beyond my usual half effort. Ignore tummy flutters at posting this...

I reset my goals today to weigh 150 in July. That's 30 lbs I need to shed. I'm going to the beach that month and I would like to look nice in my swimsuit and fit the clothes I wore last summer, at the beginning of last summer that is, not the end when the lbs started coming back on. So here I go.. I read that it is good to find a fat before picture. I was obese once, in 2011 so I need to remind myself at least I got past that, I can do it.. once I figure out how the hell I can find my old photos and upload them to here emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks for the encouragement. I realised that I have been doing this all my life. I don't understand where it comes from, the desire to overeat. It can go away for so long then suddenly it's back again. I wish there was a way to bury it together. I thought after 6 months of successful spark tracking and losing 50 lbs that I had that little binge monster beaten but it just keeps on coming back and reversing my progress! emoticon It's embarassing to me but it feels really good to write about this.
    1912 days ago
    I just started back after 4 days of that so I know where you are coming from. Hope you are able to stay on track this time and reach your goal
    1912 days ago
  • EDELL1957
    I had a day like that yesterday, I ate 8 peanut butter girl scout cookies. After I felt sick in my stomach. Today is a good day. Proud of you for getting back eating healthy. I ate an apple instead of sweets today. My goal is to have something with me at work. for some reason at 3 PM I start craving things. emoticon
    1912 days ago
    Good for you, for getting back on the wagon. emoticon emoticon
    1912 days ago
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