So tomorrow is my birthday. I am going to be 37... three years away from 40...
Ok so its not that bad.... reallllllllly....
But it is quite eye opening to see that in three years I will be crossing another decade down. There is something pivotal about the year 40. To some, it is the year of the midlife crisis. God, I don't want to be THERE. Rather, I want to be celebrating life. Thrilled to be at that point.
Buuuuuut, for now, I think I will just focus on 37. Humph, 37 is kind of a boring number. Just hanging out between 35 and 40. Nuthin' special.
Or is it?
I have designated TWENTY THIRTEEN as MY year. The year to make my goals a reality. The year I am not going to take for granted. I am going to make it happen and achieve it. My goal WILL happen.
I had an interesting conversation with my husband this weekend. After I weighed in (gaining a whopping 1.6 WTFFFFFFFFF?!!!
) I was a tad bit grumpy. I had a pretty decent week minus a bit of cake for my oldest son's birthday and a cookie or two, I had a good week. Opting for a baked potato and chili on the day my husband wanted Wendy's even (yeah, you heard me right, I said NO to the Spicy Chicken deliciousness and french fry deliciousness). But still I gained.
Needless to say, I was a bit grumpy.
Husband: What's wrong?
Me: I weighed in this morning
Husband ducking: And?
Me: I gained a #$%&ing pound and a half!
Husband (still ducking and getting ready to sprint): have you ever considered that maybe you're at your happy weight?
Me: No. I don't accept that.
See, this is where I stand at the moment -- I am at a crossroads. I can do one of two things. I can do what I did all last year when the scale pissed me off and flip the switch and say I am done with the scale, I am done with tracking, I am done with all of this! Turn back to intuitive eating.
(((yeah, see where that gets me?)))
Or I can look at it this way: that doesn't work for me. If it isn't working, what can I do to change it?
I have cleaned up my diet considerably. I am not 100% no sugar (who does that minus Superwoman, really?) but I am making a HUGE point to get the refined stuff out of my kitchen. I have cleared out the white, delicious Jasmine rice and have been consuming things like long grain brown rice, quinoa, brown basmatti, whole wheat pasta. I have thrown out any white breads/buns/pastas/etc and have whole wheat (the REAL whole wheat stuff) bread and pasta, I am limiting the amount of fruit I am eating and eating a hell of a lot of veggies, complex carbs and proteins. I am tracking the crap out of everything I am eating (with the exception of this weekend) because, quite honestly, numbers just don't lie. I am eating every 2 1/2 to 3 hours to keep the system chugging along. Lots of H2O..........
The way I see it is this: what I have been doing up until this point hasn't been working for me. Getting frustrated, hiding under the intuitive eating, running from the scale and food trackers... it doesn't get me anywhere because here I am, still frustrated. Cleaning up my diet, however, *is* making the difference. I forgot how much better I feel all over when I eat clean, it is like a night and day huge difference. It is like trying to run a car on insufficient fuel. Why would someone want to put crappy, sludgy, mucky, gunky stuff into their dream automobile? Taking the same analagy, that really is what food is all about. Fuel. Feed it crappy, sludge, mucky, gunky stuff and that is how the system will respond, putting along, not doing what it is supposed to do.
Clean it up, put it on premium, high grade octane and it will perform better, faster and stronger.
I workout hard, probably not as hard as some, but harder than others I would suspect. Why not complete the equation and up the ante with eating the proper foods to support my workouts. I am proof positive that "just working out" isn't going to change or reshape one's physique.
Alright, enough with the analogies. Really, but that is how it is.
I weighed. I got pissed. I measured. I felt better. Things really are looking up.
Somebody remind me to break out the measuring tape when I weigh in because as we ALL know, the scale is the ultimate false idol. In a week and a half of eating clean, I am down almost three inches (.25 on my hips, 1 on my thighs and .5 on my abductors). True, not the most astonishing of numbers, but considering that has been in about two weeks, I'll take it.
I started the Lean Phase of ChaLEAN today which is hands down, my absolute favorite phase and now I sit here wondering what in the heck I am supposed to do after these four short weeks are over? I watched the infomercial for Jillian's Body Revolution and it looks fun. Maybe stepping away from heavy weights for awhile and going to a more circuit based approach would be good? I am reading The New Rules of Lifting for Women and that book speaks to me a lot. I might look at that and just doing my own thing? Jamie Eason's 12 Week Trainer? Maybe. Not sure about all the supplements on that one. We'll see.
I finished Your Best Body Now by dear Tosca and highly recommend that one. I have Master Your Metabolism by Jillian to read next. I guess at this point I am collectively gaining knowledge on all fronts and will make a decision soon. I have some bday cash sitting upstairs on my dining room table that I may put toward a new workout system or something. Time will tell...
So I guess the moral of this discombobulated blog is this: I am approaching 40, but I cannot and will not accept the adage that turning 40 has to equal frumpy sweats, bon bons, bad hair, a piss poor self esteem, putting myself on hold for everyone else. No. I won't do it and can't do it. Instead, I want to be active, healthy, energetic. Not accepting the stereotypes. Won't do it!
If Tosca Reno can transform herself at 40, I can certainly do it at 37.