500-999 SparkPoints 595

Today begins it....

Monday, February 25, 2013

My neighbor is a cancer survivor and, at times, I was her care giver. My dad passed away because of bladder cancer and I was his care giver even during his time in hospice and I was there when he passed. I was also present when my Mom passed unexpectedly. I never really got over my Moms passing, I was even diagnosed with PTSD because of my experience with my Mom's death, but since my Dads death last June I've gotten into a major slump and while not diagnosed officially I know I have major depression and really don't care about myself or my appearance. Before my Mom passed I weighed 120# and prior to my move I worked out up to 6 hours every day, this morning I weighed myself and I'm at 155, the highest I've weighed since I was 22, I just turned 45. I hate myself and feel unworthy of anything positive, there is so much that plays a part of my thinking. Oddly, I am a student, literally, of psychology and I know what's wrong and I know what I'm supposed to do to fix it but...I really don't want to. My neighbor asked me to participate in a YMCA workout program for the next 6 weeks that is being offered by her cancer support group for patients, survivors, and their caregivers. In my head I know this is important, will be beneficial physically, emotionally, and psychologically but...my motivation is incredibly low. I'll do it because she asked. I'll do it because in my head I know I need to. I'll do it because I know my parents would want me to. I'll do it because I'm tired of being alone, and while i do live with someone, I am and feel so incredibly alone. Lets see how this goes.

And so it begins......
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post

    Be the First to Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.