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Healthy Self Esteem

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Monday, February 25, 2013

Today is day 6 of my current streak! (Previous streaks; 290 days, 13 days and 53 days.)

As of today, there are 22 days until Spring! I have set a goal for myself, to be able to fit into a certain t shirt by the first day of Spring. I have hung the shirt on the outside of the closet door, so that I can see it every day. I tried the shirt on this morning, and its still too tight, especially in the arms. (My upper arms are my "trouble zone.") Anyway, I'm not so sure that this shirt will fit me by the first day of Spring, but I'm not worried about it. If it fits, thats great! If not, I'll just extend the deadline!

On Sunday, I had plans to meet my oldest son for breakfast. He wanted to go to Denny's but they were way too busy so we ended up going to Old Country Buffet instead. I actually prefer buffets, because I can scope out the food and then choose what I want. When we got there, they were still serving breakfast, but just starting to put out some of the lunch offerings. So I ended up having salad and fruit!

You know, there was a time when I would always try to hide myself when going out in public. I would not wear any makeup or jewelry. I'd put my hair in a ponytail and then slap on a baseball cap to hide under. And unless it was 90 degrees outside, I would wear a jacket to "disguise" my weight! Here's a picture of me and a few of my Sparkfriends from the Rootin' for Ruby team, when we met a few years ago. I wasn't even at my highest weight, but there I am hiding under a baseball cap and wearing a jacket even though it wasn't chilly out!

Well, I never go out in public looking like that anymore! Now I always take the time to fix my hair and put on a little makeup. No more baseball caps, and no more jackets unless its cold! I don't feel like hiding anymore. When I go out in public, I feel so much better about myself. I know I'm no raving beauty, but I can still face the world with a smile and some good grooming. I have learned to love myself enough to take care of my health, and now I also love myself enough to take care of my appearance.

And people respond to me differently! I find that people actually LOOK at me now, not past me. Cashiers at the grocery store actually speak to me. Wherever I go, people talk to me. I feel like I'm part of the world, and not invisible anymore. Its scary in some ways, but its also very cool. These people aren't speaking to me just because I have lost weight and started wearing makeup. They are talking to me because I look approachable now. I have a healthy sense of self esteem, and it shows.

I used to think that people ignored me because I was obese. But now I realize that it was more than that. I used to cover myself up and keep my head down, and I didn't smile. I looked unapproachable. But now I hold my head up, I smile, and I look friendly.

I'm not at my goal weight yet. I still have a long way to go until I get there. But I'm not waiting until then to start loving myself and living my life. My life is right NOW, and I want to enjoy it. I hope you are doing your best to enjoy your life too...and to love yourself. You are so beautiful, no matter what your size! Face the world with a smile, and don't ever hide yourself away just because you are not a size 2.

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