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Joy emerges slowly sometimes

Monday, February 25, 2013

I will not lie on here... and I will openly admit that the last 2 months has absolutely sucked because of various indecisions in my life, and these indecisions that were not on my plate to decide what to do, it was me waiting for action on anothers part... and while I started to say "NO" around the end of January in other areas of life, it wasn't enough to give me clarity, so February kept going with me being in limbo.

Ahhh, sorry to be vague, but everyone has these times in life, so if you have ever been there, then you will know what I mean.

Let's just say this: It's transition time for me. In my work status mainly. I am looking down a path, with several branches in the road...there is a fog too...and it was pretty dense for a while, but as each day goes on, the fog is slowly lifting...and I see some of the paths fall away, and then there are two to choose from... but in my heart, I know, that there is one that I truly wish to follow... and while it is dark and uncertain, and I can barely see the bumps in the road, I know I can handle them - because I am determined, and maybe, just maybe, this is what I was meant to do for a long long time, but didn't know it.

Life is funny like don't know what it will bring you until you are faced with tough decisions... and then your gut will be your guide.

I have always had faith like this. Some use prayer and sight Jesus as being their savior... I, on the other hand, while being a lapsed Roman Catholic (my own term I jokingly use) believe in a higher power mixed with a little dash of fate and a dollop of instinct on what path to choose... that being a good person in general will eventually work in the long run...and the long run is really that the afterlife will be a lovely place rather than one of the rings from Dante's Inferno.

If you can't tell it yet... I studied theology and ancient civilizaitons in my past... Latin too. I am a veritable cornucopia of bit and pieces of useless information that make me who I am... and while mostly useless in everyday life, I am finding all these bits and pieces invaluable when teaching my kids.. another joy that I have found and need to acknowledge because it is, to quote Martha Stewart "it's a good thing."

So here are the list of joys my eyes beheld this morning:
- 133 on the scale and the "skinny" jean still fit just fine even though eating and drinking have been abysmal, let's face it, the last 3 months... first because of holidays and then because of stress
- my middle guy has a talent for the recorder and not really the violin (short fingers, poor thing).. and he plays the recorder beautifully and for hours at a time (you'd think I would be annoyed, but he is that good..). and so I suggested he try the clarinet next year - and he BEAMED with pride at my praise and the fact that I accually have a clarinet from when I was a kid, somewhere in the closet upstairs (told you I was a font of useless information! LOL) I will be digging it out momentarily.
- my hubby is behind my decisions - he is trying to play Devil's Advocate too, but this time, bless his heart, I am not backing down...and he sees it and appreciates it. Love him for that.
- Other decisions made are for the greater good...even though they may be hard to take, it's still the best decision to be made at the time... and I am AOK with that.

My Joy is emerging slowly once again.

I signed up for a 5K at my old high is in a month, and something to focus on other than work. It will give me clarity in other ways...get me on the attainable goal for the near future. That is what we must do helps when things are up in the air.

So, dear Spark friends....when you see me quiet on here, it's not that I have gone just that life gets in the way.

I hope all is well....wish me luck too!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • NUMD97
    It must be the late winter doldrums. I think so many of us are there along side you, waiting for that "clarity" that you speak of. Sometimes we just need to be patient, and sometimes we have to take the bull by the horns. But how lovely that your hubby supports you all the way. For some that is half the battle.

    Do what you need to do for you, that will make you happier, and then take care of the rest of the business of living, if that makes sense. Sometimes it just takes time to sort itself out.

    Wishing you nothing but the best,

    1881 days ago
  • KANOE10
    I am sending positive thoughts your way, Spark Friend. It sounds like a very rough few months with stress. Good for you still fitting those skinny jeans and staying posiitive with entering a 5 k. As you say, life gets in the way and you have no other choice but to deal with it. Having an attainable goal when your life is insecure, helps a great deal. I am also giving myself a mini goal to get my spark going.
    You have a lovely supportive family.

    emoticon emoticon

    1882 days ago
    Thanks for all the support and understanding my Sparkfriends!!

    And just when I figure things out...another curve ball gets thrown at me! Sheesh! Keep sending me those clarifying vibes...the path will be even clearer tomorrow...hopefully.

    One thing I do know for certain: my happiness counts, and that is worth something. BIG TIME! LOL

    I'd come around to everyone individually to say thanks, but I just don't have the time to right THANKS!!!! right here...and right now emoticon
    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    1882 days ago
  • LYNNA1968
    Enjoy your skinny jeans, & as long as you have support and joy all will be well in your life. Happy thoughts are coming your way! You are missed do what you want to do and I'll be here when you come back. Rock that 5K!!!
    1882 days ago
    You've put a lot of thought into this. I'll reread it and get even more out of it. This is not for skimming. From what you've written I can tell that you have a vast pool of talent to draw from. I wish you all the best. I think that whatever comes next, you will take it on and make it positive.
    Come back when you can. I'll miss you.
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    1883 days ago
  • DALID414
    I think you stay away long enough to be missed emoticon
    1883 days ago
    Without ever reading your blog I feel like you are speaking for me! I am on the same path. I hope you don't mind that I have added you as a friend. Dana emoticon
    1883 days ago
    Crossroads! I've spent many precious minutes - ok, maybe hours - of my life thinking of what would have happened if I had taken the other path than the one I chose. And although I'm a big fan of the "listen to your heart" way of thinking, I'm not sure my heart has always showed me the right way...
    Anyway, I just wanted to share the thoughts that were born in my head while reading your blog! I hope the fog lifts completely and your heart shows you the right way. Until then, enjoy everyday of your life even if it sometimes feels like it's getting in the way.
    I'm glad joy is emerging. Slow as it may be, it's still joy!
    Good luck!

    1883 days ago
    You are so awesome and so smart. I feel what you are saying, and knowing you, you have already answered yourself with your own words..."but in my heart, I know, that there is one that I truly wish to follow ......."

    Life does get in the one sometimes for sure. I am learning that lesson myself right now. And it certainly is a path with lots of twists and turns, that things could definitely be different, depending upon which choice we make.

    I felt peace coming for your blog today.

    Best to you always! And you are in inspiration in more ways than one!

    Love ya!
    1883 days ago
    As usual I hear you loud and clear! emoticon

    Sometimes, you just have to step back and kind of let things take their own course. I have faith in the process working itself out sometimes... and just letting it be. (I think I hear a Beatles riff in the background here) emoticon

    And, as John Lennon famously said, "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans."

    Transition points in life are hard, but finding goals, even unrelated ones, give you something to focus on while the rest of your stuff is sorting itself out. Like the 5K! Let us know how you do (ie. how AMAZINGLY you ROCK it!)!!!! emoticon

    And for some reason, I feel compelled to put this here:

    The road goes ever on and on
    Down from the door where it began
    Now far ahead the road has gone
    And I must follow if I can

    Pursuing it with eager feet
    Until it joins some larger way
    Where many paths and errands meet
    And whither then, I cannot say.

    (JRR Tolkien)

    Best always to you my friend!! emoticon
    1883 days ago
  • -AMANDA79-
    Decisions, decisions. I hope everything goes the way you want it to. I went through a rough patch in the fall and found that focusing on the little things in life that I could control helped to keep me sane.

    1883 days ago
    Thanks for the beautifully-written blog and for opening your heart and life to us. You are truly an inspiration!!!
    1883 days ago
    Ah, life....
    "Two roads diverged in a wood and I --
    I took the one less traveled by
    And that has made all the difference."

    Robert Frost had a clouded future many times (as do we all), but you're both right: there's a path we're meant to travel, and it sounds like you know which one to take.

    "The force serves you well, young Jedi..."

    And the fog burns away from the strength of the sunshine...
    1883 days ago
  • PJ2222
    emoticon emoticon
    1883 days ago
    1883 days ago
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