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Rambling About Goals and Intentions

Friday, February 22, 2013

The SparkCoach assignment today is to take your big goals and break them down to smaller, more quickly achievable goals. I've been very clear that achieving and maintaining my weight at 126 is a big goal for me, even though this morning I weighed 127.6, only 1.6 from my target weight. Doesn't seem like I have much to do, but believe me, I do. I learned in 2012 when I had my goal weight range set to 124-130, that if I stopped trying to lose weight every time I hit 129, I never got under 129 and often went up to 132. If I want to weigh 126 I'm going to have to work for it. If you've read this far, give yourself credit for reading a whole blog. But I want to ramble on and on today ---- indulge me!!

Is it the right weight for me? I think it is the weight I like best. Whether other people can see a difference between 126 and 132 or not, I can. I know it is an achievable weight for me, because I was there in 2011. Is it maintainable? I think the only way to know is to give it a good try.

Reality is that the bigger goal is health and fitness and living at a weight of 126 is really an intermediate goal. Gaining muscle and losing body fat is a good goal, too, but I want to achieve the living at 126 before the body composition becomes my priority. In order to address the fat loss/muscle build I'm going to have to find a place that can measure body composition accurately, because my scale and the YMCA have such imprecise measurements to be useless. I really don't want to drive to Tampa or Orlando to do Bod Pod and don't know anyplace here to get what I want. In the meantime I'm going to keep running and keep strength training and I may not achieve optimal muscle building nor optimal running performance, but each will contribute to my health and fitness.

Focusing on my 126 goal, there are many, many small goals to get there. Drinking water, getting enough sleep, choosing healthy foods, tracking my food, trying new healthy recipes, continuing to Spark daily, burning at least 2200 calories through exercise per week, and attend Weight Watchers at least monthly. All of these things I'm doing pretty well, but some could do even better. One more glass of plain water per day, for example, would be good. Continuing my low intense sweets streak is definitely in my best interest and may continue to help reduce my sweet cravings. Continuing to track my streak of days eating within the calorie range as a way to overcome the vestiges of my binge eating compulsion is a positive step. Emphasizing eating with dignity is the way to go! I could weigh 126 and binge twice a month and still feel really bad about my eating and myself. Eating with dignity 100% of the time is my goal. For March I'm going to get better stickers for my calendar and make the sticking to calorie range and low sweet intake streaks more prominent!! So as far as the assignment goes, that works.

I'm also working on giving up the emotion attached to weighing, putting the emphasis on healthy lifestyle behaviors. I continue to release the anger I feel toward my mother for raising me so fat, being a terrible eating role model, teaching me to want the ultimate taste rather than good health, and just feeding me badly. I can't help but feel badly that I unnecessarily suffered from obesity and being overweight for more than 50 years. From time to time I wonder what my life would have been like had I been a normal weight as a child and teen and young adult. But I recognize the amazing way my body has healed from that experience and I feel gratitude! And most of the time these days I am just bursting with energy and joy! Releasing the negative and embracing the positive ---- Yeah, that's the way to go.

Enough rambling for today!! If you've made it this far, count yourself a special, special SparkFriend!! Have a great day, my friend!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • NEEDBU66
    1880 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1880 days ago
  • GABY1948
    GREAT blog! You are well in control! I can't wait to ride the rest of the trail with you and watch you at the finish line of getting your maintenance down pat!

    You are such an inspiration!
    1882 days ago
  • KANOE10
    I have been overweight for 50 years also, You are wise to forgive your mother for her poor role model. Good for you overcoming your obstacles and aiming for that 126 goal weight. It is work, but you are succeeding.

    Great inspirational blog.
    1882 days ago
    1882 days ago
    I'm with you... Releasing the negative and embracing the positive is definitely the way to go! Thanks for the Blog! emoticon
    1882 days ago
    I learn so much from your ramblings!
    Forgiving your mother is a gift you gave yourself.
    1882 days ago
    Eating with dignity really struck a chord with me. That is a concept which will be motivating for me I think.

    And I had not thought of the tracker as useful in binge management, but it makes a lot of sense. I have seen so many benefits of tracking, and you are really on to something (again!) ; it is going to help me there, too.

    It is very valuable to me to listen to you and feel the hope that my body can, like yours heal from years of obesity.

    Thanks for a great blog and for your generosity in letting us learn from your experience and analysis!
    1882 days ago
    Actually, I think YOU are the one who is a special Spark friend! Like you, I have an emotional attachment to the scale. The scale has a direct effect on how I feel about myself. I grew up in a family with a rigid eater and an anorexic. I have a very warped relationship with my weight and self image. Both of my parents were afraid of being fat so while I was growing as a child, I heard loads of fat comments about other people. I lived in mortal fear of gaining weight. When I was 13, I lost so much weight, in order to please my mother, that our family doctor was worried about my health. This shocked my mother as she was pleased with my weight loss. I was a large boned/large framed, 5'5.5" female and I weighed no more than 115 pounds. I saw a picture of myself many years later and I couldn't believe how horrible I looked! That was taking weight loss to the extreme. Isn't it strange that so many years later we still struggle with the things that our parents hung on us?

    I think if we both stick with our goals, we will be successful despite what we learned or didn't learn as children. We will prevail!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1882 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/22/2013 8:55:59 PM
    I've admired you for a long time as you know. Now that you've shared your early life, I am more in awe of what you have overcome.
    Good luck with all of your goals. Your plans always suggest something new to me.
    1882 days ago
    My favorite sentence in this blog? "For March I'm going to get better stickers for my calendar and make the sticking to calorie range and low sweet intake streaks more prominent!"

    Thanks for reminding me of a small visible reward I'd been skipping for several weeks. You are right, it *does* work.

    Oh, and my cousin's daughter just posted me the link on FB to November 2013 St. Pete women's HM... and since I PROMISED I would come do it with her if she trained up... you might just have me in your neck of the woods again this year. In the midst of shovelling snow... I dream of Florida. emoticon
    1882 days ago
  • CINDYW1102
    1882 days ago
    My friend, thank you for showing me how it's done... through the struggles as well as the victories. You encourage me and give me hope. You will reach your goals, and I'll be here cheering you on!
    1883 days ago
    Great blog right to the end! LOL I as so far not where you are yet, but sometime I will see 145 as WOW right now I dream of 167 what I weighed after I had my dd 32.5 years ago! Havent been above 200 but nto below 179 since!
    Have a super day and enjoy your meals!
    HUGS super special spark friend! emoticon
    1883 days ago
    Marsha I have no doubt you will reach your goals. You have the right attitude and have been working too hard not to reach it. Sorry for the pain you have experienced in your life, but you are in a much better place now. emoticon emoticon
    1883 days ago
    You are using every tool in the arsenal to meet your goals. I have no doubt that you will be successful at reaching all you set out to do!!!
    1883 days ago
    Great blog. I feel i can relate to exactly what you are saying. I too want to be at a certain number. Then I am focus even more on toning and jogging. I think then, once I am more tones if I decide to adjust my weight up, I will be more comfortable doing so.

    I have considered buying a scale that measures body fat. I think I have checked Consumer Reports but it has been so long ago. Just a thought. Keep up the great work!
    1883 days ago
  • MAGGIE101857
    When I first started to read this, I thought to myself "wow, Marsha uses SparkCoach?" I look at you and I see the picture of health, achieved through hard work and discipline. I had to go back and re-read your page, to remind me of how difficult your journey has been for you. It just goes to show that no matter how "together" or how "fit" we look on the outside, there may still be a journey to undergo on the inside. So proud of you for continuing your journey, for setting new goals and for using whatever tools needed to achieve your inner peace emoticon
    1883 days ago
    Marsha, I just think you are so awesome and have accomplished so much. You can ramble here all you want...this is a safe place. You should be just so proud of where you are and how far your journey has come. You truely are an inspiration!
    After your blog yesterday, I am working on my attitude regarding daily weigh in. Thank you so much for blogging about that. I think it's always so important to work on our mental attitude to grow and learn. Also to realize that we aren't perfect and it truely is a journey, a learning process to find what works best for us as individuals.
    Keep up the good work.
    Best of everything to you.
    1883 days ago
  • _LINDA
    Oh Marsha, you had so many emotional and physical issues to overcome to get to where you are today and you can be very, very proud of yourself. That being said, the way you are brought up unfortuantely will always resonate throughout your life and you must be ever so vigilent not to slip back, even ever so slightly into those ways. It only takes a pebble to start a landslide. Focusing on the emotional recovery is a great way to go, and releasing your scale for a more healthy measurement is also a necessity.
    The huge goal really is the lifestyle. Doing it up right will allow all the other pieces you desire to fall into place. Really taking a good look at your nutrition and fitness tracking to make sure they are as accurate as possible. Watching the sugar and sodium intake is a must. Sparkpeople's trackers really are good for this. The nutrition tracker can also track way more nutrients then the basic ones listed. Proper nutrition is a must for a healthy mind and body. Make sure you are getting ALL the nutrients you need to fuel that amazing body of yours!!
    You go girl!!
    1883 days ago
    Nice blog. Bursting with energy and joy is the only way to go!
    1883 days ago
    Great blog, all the way through! emoticon
    1883 days ago
    I love how you are determined to make changes to your life, so well into your life! Many people give up much earlier on in the game or quit trying once they've tasted failure one too many times. What a wonderful example, motivator and role model you are for your dear family and so many. Wow!
    1883 days ago
    1883 days ago
    Nice blog! I think that releasing your anger and negative emotions will go a long way in helping you to reach your goals. We often talk about how much of a role the emotional plays in our weight management, but tend to focus more on managing our eating behaviors rather than tackling the emotional issues that cause (or at least contribute) to them. I wish you much, much more pride and joy as you work on tackling these goals!
    1883 days ago
    emoticon Good blog! Releasing the past is really good for our present and future. emoticon
    1883 days ago
    Just curious why you are so sure your gym's measurements are so wrong?
    1883 days ago
    You have come so far and are doing so well. It's amazing. And it's great that you are working towards moving away from the emotional attachment to the scale, though I know all too well how hard it is to do that. Good luck with your goal.
    1883 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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