after everything of done...I feel like I've been slapped in the face by dad

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

I'm on my dads medical proxy, I've made good decisions when it comes to my dad I was in the medical field and know things my brothers don't and not to mention I didn't just start caring for my dad when he first went in I've always had his back and I honestly believe the only reason he's here is because of me being aggressive with doctors to get him off of the respirator and asking the right questions on his behalf when he wasn't coherent.
My dad doesn't really understand anything about the medical proxy, it goes into effect when he's not able to make his own decisions and anyone who has read my blogs for a while knows what a dysfunctional family I have and the hell I've been through with my siblings, nephew and yes even my parents.
My brother told my dad he wants to be on the proxy because he wants to be able to call and find out info on my dad, I've kept him updated on EVERYTHING and he said to my dad well your daughter can make the decisions I just want to be able to call and find out how your doing.
He can find out how he's doing without being on the proxy all my dad has to do is say tell him and they will and from my understanding they've been telling him everything ...
Well he said he wants to go on the proxy and my other brother who barely visits and never calls about my dad.
I told my dad if he's putting them on to take me off, because if he's not able to speak for himself it's going to start a war with all 3 of us trying to decide what to do and I said I wouldn't trust my life in the hands of those two. I honestly don't need the stress, I'd rather be off of it then to be arguing with anyone that wants to pull the plug.
He said no you'd be in charge I said that's not how it works I have your best interest at heart, but good luck to you with those two holding your life in their hands.
I've put my health on the back burner and my family to do everything possible for my dad and it's like a slap in the face to put them two on it, they did nothing when my mother was dying but sit there and watch her die.
I love my dad with all my heart, but honestly I can't get sick over 3 names all on a medical proxy when I know they don't even care about him (one brother brought him in a salt shaker and he's on a no salt diet because he retains the fluid and it's almost killed him) I said giving you a salt shaker is like handing you a gun.
I saw him today after I was trying to explain to him what it means to put their names on it I was just so hurt and disgusted I didn't even want to talk to him.
I have always been second fiddle to these two that never bothered with him and my mother in their hours of need, but were always there when they need money or a favor.
There is a meeting Thursday I told my dad to take my name off and that there was a meeting Thursday for him and my older brother, he said your not going to go? I said no.
I'm not trying to be mean or hurtful but I've gone above and beyond for my dad only to be talked down to and I'm just so stressed as it is with my own problems I can't deal with my siblings if anything was to happen to my dad.
My dad has always thought whatever my older brother says is law, I just can't deal with this anymore
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Find some me time, relax in a bubble bath, have a nice healthy dinner (with a nice glass of wine, if you like) or have some fun with friends. You are doing all you can for your dad, you have his best interests at heart but will be no good to him if you have a break down. I wish you and your family all the best.
    1886 days ago
  • MARYBETH4884
    Your father as you said doesn't understand medical proxy! You have explained it as well as you can. It is ultimately his decision. I understand you not wanting to be on with your brothers. You can only support and comfort your father as best you can. You may not be able to make decisions but stay involved in your father's care and know what is going on as best you can. Love your father that is really all he wants. Take care of your own health and family too.((hugs))
    1886 days ago
  • DNRAE1
    Focus on your life and let the anger and frustration go. You have done what you can do. Take care of you and your family and try to find things to focus on that will make you happy.
    1886 days ago
    As bad as it sounds maybe it is time to let go. You have to take care of yourself for your son and Hubby.
    1886 days ago
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