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The Rage Monster has left the building. Enter The Pig.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Time to act like a pig. No, I won't be eating large quantities of unhealthy food but I will be playing in the mud. I signed up for my first big event and it's going to be a blast. I'm doing The Dirty Dash, which is about three and a half miles of a big mess. We have to climb walls, trudge up slippery, muddy hills, crawl through mud-filled tunnels, climb up rope ladders, swim through mud pits and finally launch down a big slide at the finish.

The race takes place in August and my sister and son are going to join me. I'm so nervous but it gives me the motivation to keep pushing myself and trying new things.

And here's something else great. I booked a trip to NYC for my birthday in April! Yes, yes, yes. I'll be there five days and I'm staying with a friend so I should have some extra spending money. I love that city and dream of it often. I love the energy and the culture and well, just everything. Makes me happy.

As many of you who have read my past blogs know, I've struggled with some rage issues (directed specifically at my ex) since ending my relationship. Well of all days to stop being angry, it happened on Valentine's Day. It was the most bizarre thing ever. I was looking for a movie and I actually had a NICE thought about my ex. Not a loving thought. Not a fond memory. Not a tender thought. Just a thought where I didn't fantasize about killing him.

I couldn't decide what to buy b/c I don't pay attention to that many movies. I usually get bored unless it's something I've wanted to see for a long time. Then I had a thought: He would have some great suggestions because he's watched almost every American movie made in the last three decades. The thought wasn't accompanied by anger but instead made me chuckle. I was pleasantly surprised. I can't tell you how liberating that feeling was.

It's finally time for the rage monster to exit the building. Not sure why. Maybe because I'm finally coming out of the financial ruin. Maybe because I'm happy. Maybe because I just don't care that much anymore. Whatever the reason, I have no regrets. That rage monster was one of my best friends and gave me the strength I needed to survive that break-up. I would welcome him back anytime if I needed him.

Anyway, so there I was standing in the store, single on the biggest couple's day of the year and I could not stop grinning. I felt pure joy in that moment when I realized I was about 100 times happier than last year on Valentine's Day, which was filled with dread and ended with an argument.

I wanted to end my relationship so badly but was terrified of what that meant for me financially. I thought I was going to be stuck in that relationship forever. That transition sucked but I'm exactly where I longed to be last year at exactly this time. Every time I realize that, I feel like crying from joy. I DID IT!!!!!!!! My dream came true. I'm the person I thought I would never become.
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  • LUNA0000
    Congratulations! What a great feeling when you can think of him and not feel pain or anger... it is liberating. you go.
    2237 days ago
    I am so happy for you! it is good that you know that your friend the rage monster will be there if needed! You have come along way from when we first came spark friends! Your blogs were filled with rage and anger. I understand why, but now you have confidence, hope, belief in yourself and it is a wonderful thing to have been here to watch you change and grow!

    New York sounds fun! good for you going on a trip! I have only passed through New York! I hope to be able to go again when I can take in the sights. Take lots of pics to share, I will live vicariously!

    Okay and reading the part about the dirty dash sounds fun, but made me want to go take a shower! LMAO! Wow good for you. I could do most of that, but never could learn to climb the rope, i almost failed gym because of it and I was a tom boy! I just could not do it! Do not know if I can now, I have steered clear of them. Maybe that is a goal I need to set for myself! Good luck and have fun!!
    2243 days ago
    I'm soo happy for you!
    2250 days ago
    Amazing breakthrough! I hope you have a great time in NYC!
    2250 days ago
    emoticon on so many levels Elaine! Sounds like things are looking up for you! That is too cool you have signed up for that muddy event!!! I always thought those would be fun! emoticon
    Thanks for stopping by...I seem to be more busy these days and have gotten so behind in my sparking!! I hate when that happens...but that's life! Glad to see you are still going! Never give up! emoticon emoticon
    2250 days ago
    What a difference a year makes!
    2250 days ago
    Believe it or not it looks like fun.Rage can fuel a lot of good things. Some people think nothing good can come from it, I think the contrary. It has done wonders for me. I got mad about my weight and health issues and what I did to myself and lost 63 pounds and enjoy working out. It made me do things I thought I would never do.
    There also comes a time to let it go and focus on yourself. Remember that you are important and the things that you have to do for yourself are important too.
    Look back from this point and see your progress and future happiness to come.
    2251 days ago
    emoticon for being done with rage over your ex. I'm so happy for you that you are where you wanted to be a year ago! I have no doubt that the rest of the year has many good things in store for you! emoticon
    2251 days ago
  • JUSTME29
    Good for you. I'm glad you are exactly where you wanted to be a year ago. I bet the coming year has even greater things in store for you.
    2251 days ago
    Congrats on moving forward. It is very inspiring
    2251 days ago
    Good for you - putting the negative behind, and on Valentines Day emoticon
    2251 days ago
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