Time to act like a pig. No, I won't be eating large quantities of unhealthy food but I will be playing in the mud. I signed up for my first big event and it's going to be a blast. I'm doing The Dirty Dash, which is about three and a half miles of a big mess. We have to climb walls, trudge up slippery, muddy hills, crawl through mud-filled tunnels, climb up rope ladders, swim through mud pits and finally launch down a big slide at the finish.
The race takes place in August and my sister and son are going to join me. I'm so nervous but it gives me the motivation to keep pushing myself and trying new things.
And here's something else great. I booked a trip to NYC for my birthday in April! Yes, yes, yes. I'll be there five days and I'm staying with a friend so I should have some extra spending money. I love that city and dream of it often. I love the energy and the culture and well, just everything. Makes me happy.
As many of you who have read my past blogs know, I've struggled with some rage issues (directed specifically at my ex) since ending my relationship. Well of all days to stop being angry, it happened on Valentine's Day. It was the most bizarre thing ever. I was looking for a movie and I actually had a NICE thought about my ex. Not a loving thought. Not a fond memory. Not a tender thought. Just a thought where I didn't fantasize about killing him.
I couldn't decide what to buy b/c I don't pay attention to that many movies. I usually get bored unless it's something I've wanted to see for a long time. Then I had a thought: He would have some great suggestions because he's watched almost every American movie made in the last three decades. The thought wasn't accompanied by anger but instead made me chuckle. I was pleasantly surprised. I can't tell you how liberating that feeling was.
It's finally time for the rage monster to exit the building. Not sure why. Maybe because I'm finally coming out of the financial ruin. Maybe because I'm happy. Maybe because I just don't care that much anymore. Whatever the reason, I have no regrets. That rage monster was one of my best friends and gave me the strength I needed to survive that break-up. I would welcome him back anytime if I needed him.
Anyway, so there I was standing in the store, single on the biggest couple's day of the year and I could not stop grinning. I felt pure joy in that moment when I realized I was about 100 times happier than last year on Valentine's Day, which was filled with dread and ended with an argument.
I wanted to end my relationship so badly but was terrified of what that meant for me financially. I thought I was going to be stuck in that relationship forever. That transition sucked but I'm exactly where I longed to be last year at exactly this time. Every time I realize that, I feel like crying from joy. I DID IT!!!!!!!! My dream came true. I'm the person I thought I would never become.