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Wonder why I do that?

Sunday, February 17, 2013

I've noticed that sometimes when I fix my plate, I still put enough food on the plate for that 50+ lbs person I use to be! Wonder why I do that?

Then, I sit there and try to stuff my face, practically forcing the food down when I know darn well I am full. It doesn't take much for me to get full now that I have been working out and eating smaller portions. But every now and then, I catch myself with that heaping plate full and I either can't eat it or I try to force it down. Wonder why I do that?

I actually had to wrap my plate and put it in the frig for lunch the next day! Had way too much food on the plate!! Wonder why I do that? Being greedy, you say? I don't think so. Probably out of habit.

Have I accepted the new 50 lbs less me? I hear that sometimes for your mind has to catch up with your body's weight loss.

It is so easy to slip back into old habits. God forbid if any stressful or heartbreaking situation arises. I really have difficulty fighting the binges. This can be such a struggle!

But I'm glad I can turn to SP and read some of the blogs and articles in the middle of the night, like tonight! I'll try listening to Spark Radio when I lay down. Maybe that will help keep me focused and positive. Trying to stay positive this year!!

Well, enough rambling for tonight! Hope this made since to somebody!

Good night, Sparkfriend!! emoticon emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am glad that sharing our experiences are beneficial to both of our successful journeys. One thing I have done to aid in putting the past into perspective is to look through boxes and boxes of old photos my mom saved, picking the best ones to be scanned and incorporated into a Videography of my life and my family (as many as I can reach). This has been a powerful tool for me to remember that I wasn't always morbidly obese, but the more pictures I look at and the more long suppressed memories that are uncovered - the closer I am coming to an understanding of where I turned into a self-comforting bulimic and functionally pickled for 2/3 of my life.

    My life has been so full, so rich with careers, people, material things, and I up until these last few months wouldn't even consider trying to remember the years I shut out so completely with food and drink. Looking at the photos and remembering the people I have been blessed to know - and the things I have accomplished so far has really helped me emerge from isolation to acceptance and a need to be interacting with people daily. Sure, some of the photos I look at bring tears to my eyes, and it's hard to fight back the emotions - but they have to be allowed to grieve for those I have lost, and remember things like how I cried my first tears of joy at my Confirmation, High School and College Graduations - all proud moments.

    You continue on your journey and remember you are not alone - I am here for you along with your other SparkFriends. Never be afraid to reach out to us - or someone in your life if you need to blog or just email about something. In many ways, SparkPeople and the internet have made it possible for us to access support and positive affirmation at the speed of light. Just enjoy each moment in every day you are blessed to wake up in - and do your best. God has never given up on either of us - so let go, let god, and let's live!

    Keep in touch my friend. You will be in my prayers. All the best - "Sprink"
    1917 days ago
    yes it is old habits but you will get the hang of it. Dr oz even did a show about " shrinking" the Size of your plate to help shrink the portion sizes and it tricks the mind.... I even saw where they said to use any color plate but white. that if your food is a contrasting color from the plate then your eye sees the food more and tricks the brain into thinking you've eaten more........ CRAZY ... huh??? They suggested dark blue plates.... I have NONE of those of course,..... mine are white !! LOL....
    good blog

    1918 days ago
    First let me say that I am proud of your success and your honesty in this blog. I too frequently put way more on my plate than my micro stomach can handle - and it gets fed to the animals outside or if it's really something good, wrapped and saved for another meal.

    Both of us overfilling our plates could also be a metaphor for our lives - I know it is for mine. My plate is full with reality based crises which make me wanna drown myself in food or eat/drink things that I simply cannot. Thankfully the surgery I had left me with 15% of my old stomach so no matter what I want on my plate, only so much can fit inside without coming right back up.

    Your realizing that it is more than just weight you are losing, you also lose the layers of covering put over issues or things in your past. It can overwhelm any of us if we let it. Our best defense is positivity and sharing our stories with SparkFriends. I know for me I treat the past as a rear view mirror, only glance at it occasionally depending on my mental traffic, I keep my mind focused on what I can do today to make a difference.

    I've had some recent troubles with water balance and rapid weight gains and losses of 15-25 lbs in a week - so I blogged about it, and by gosh if a new SparkFriend didn't tell me this "Be as decent to yourself as you are to others..." WOW! I needed to hear that - and thought I would share that with you.

    Remember, you matter to more people than you will ever realize... God bless, your friend - "Sprink"
    1918 days ago
    I think it takes a long time for those old habits to die; but they will! I used to listen to a positive thinking health cassette at bedtime and I think it helped a lot. Gives your subconscious time to work on it! I'm thinking Spark Radio would work the same way! Proud of you for wrapping your plate instead of finishing it! WTG!
    1921 days ago
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