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I'm a Rambling (Wo)Man

Friday, February 15, 2013

This is one of my kitties, Charlie He personifies how I'm feeling today.

I am fasting. Not because I think it will make dropping a few pounds any easier, but because I need to BE in the moment...

I want my mind to release my regrets, to let go of my worries, to remind myself of the good that has come from the bad. It's very hard to look upon something that turned negative and find the positive.
For instance, my marriage = negative. What can I find positive? Well, there's this. While looking through my photos, I found this one:
This photo ALWAYS makes me smile. Why? Because that's my brother, who's not actually my biological brother. Quick explanation---> He was born hydrocephalic, was removed from his birth home, and placed in ours. In his birth home, he was neglected to the point of almost death and we were told not to expect him to live out two weeks. That was almost 27 years ago. He is MY brother and he was in the wedding as ring bearer. So, the marriage didn't last. But, I have this picture (and many others), that make me smile. Remembering the crazy, now I can laugh, events of that day: I blackened a fake nail lighting candles in the windows and had to have my dad run out and get the correct nail polish. I was completely dressed and, you guessed it, had to pee so I had to strip completely down! I thought I looked great until I saw the photos and then realized my boobs were probably the main attention!

That is merely one event. I have many others, hysterectomy, brain surgery, spinal fusion, relationships but another time. . .maybe. If I focus on them all, I'll succumb to an overwhelming sense of failure. And, I've been through that.

The goal I am striving toward, seeking to 100% believe is just this:

The only one I can say I have fully, 100% accomplished is the first one. The others are H A R D!

This is how jumbled my mind is today. It's bouncing from one subject to another. That's okay though. Sometimes it's okay to let your mind bounce.

And just to assure you that I'm not wallowing in self-pity or in a deep depression:

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I imagine many women and men can relate to your story, I know I can! I love your sense of humor!
    2221 days ago
    Great job seeing the positive in every situation
    2224 days ago
  • BEEJAY49
    Thank you for sharing that! You made a beautiful bride! :) I love that your brother is in the picture with you. He is a handsome young man. :)
    You have NOT failed! We are all human and we make mistakes and learn from them. How would we know success if we didn't make mistakes? It's not your fault the marriage didn't work out. Everything that happens to us brings us to THIS point in our lives. We have a purpose and you will reach that purpose because you are strong, beautiful, caring, beautiful and worthy! HUGS!
    2225 days ago
    Thank you I read this at just the right moment to also reflect on the good things in life and not always worry about the negative!!!!! emoticon
    2225 days ago
    I tend to dwell on the negative in my life and need to affirm all the blessings to counteract this tendancy. You and your brother look great in that picture!
    2225 days ago
    First of all, Charlie is beautiful too! Yes - I said "too" as in "as well as" ... YOU of course!
    You really are a beautiful person, inside & out. You are open, reflective, sincere, and have the ability to laugh at yourself no matter how much you are struggling.

    You have got what it takes and you'll get there. emoticon

    2226 days ago
    I like the idea of fasting, to help you live more in the moment. Sometimes we get so caught up in food and what's ok to eat and what's not, and the choices we make...a break is a good thing. Enjoy it.
    2226 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    2226 days ago
    I most defiantly like your attitude, there is always good, and bad! Thank you for sharing!!
    2226 days ago
    i think it's great to look back on the past, and learn from it...we just can't use it to beat ourselves up. hang in there, sister!
    2226 days ago
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