Well yesterday SUCKED

Friday, February 15, 2013

I feel like I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster in the past few days.

Monday I had the job-ish interview for a post-doc. It went well, but as expected… yada yada yada I like you but I have no money.

Tuesday I drove back and caught up with my work.

Wednesday I saw my plastic surgeon again. Luckily my wound is getting smaller. It shrank 2cm last week, so instead of being 11cm wide, its only 9cm wide and I can actually see the skin starting to scar in from the outside. Bandage changes still suck. Pain meds are still needed – but its making progress.

Now Thursday… I feel like I should mention is TOM and that + Valentines day = crazy hormones. Plus this was officially the first Valentines Day of my life I have had a BF. A serious BF, one who I know loves me – so I was expecting SOMETHING from him.

I texted him at 7:30 when I got up… something cute and V-day ish. No response…. For an hour and a half, and he only texted me ‘cause he was stuck in traffic. And it wasn’t even V-day related! So needless to say, I was starting to get pissed off. So I assumed, give him time, he’ll do something sweet. Or you know, at least SAY Happy V-day.


So I’m mad at him. Officially mad at him. He didn’t get why I was mad, so I told him. Then I finally had to tell him, ‘hey jerk, want to say happy v-day or something.’ He did, through a picture message he copied of Reddit… I was still mad. My emotions were all over the place. I was basically thinking, I know this guy doesn’t plan anything, like ANYTHING, but I thought he would at least put SOME thought into this. As the day dragged on at work, and people kept texting me or asking me what TJ had done for me, and my response was “NOTHING.” Cue grumpy cat. Seriously. I had like six people ask me. Do you know how annoying it was to be constantly reminded your BF has done nothing for you on Valentine’s Day? Very…

And then I was also mad at myself for getting so into this holiday. Usually I just kind of ignore it. Dress cute, have fun makeup… this year I felt I was entitled to at least a card or something. It didn’t have to be anything expensive. Hell I would have been happy with a Happy V-Day text. (by the way – never got either of those) Where did the independent woman who had survived 27 previous V-days gone? Why was I so upset? I was mad at myself for being upset. I was mad at TJ for sucking at life. It was annoying.

So I went to Ulta to buy makeup to cheer myself up. After browsing for a bit… none of my coupons worked. I was going to buy fancy foundation – the coupon I had won’t work on ANY of the fancy make-up… ever. And I didn’t really need the other thing I grabbed to use my 20% of coupon, so I kind of left the store in a huff. And then proceeded to lose it in my car. I was so annoyed.

So I went home. Curled up around my Pomeranian and just tried to calm down. I literally made myself sick. Super bad headache, nausea, so no emotional eating yesterday…

I eventually watched the Walking Dead from last Sunday and that of all things cheered me up—which tells you what kind of mind state I was in. My one friend Mariah kept trying to drag me out. I got a little bit of a rally in me. Went to change my clothes. And hurt my arm. And felt annoyed at having to wear this massive bandage and ace bandage. And then felt upset again, and then laid on my bed for an hour.

I turned my phone off again. I was just annoyed at the world. Refused to leave. Sat around half-dressed in a robe because F-it. Then TJ called. He was super chipper and perky and reeeeeeeeeeally annoying. I didn’t want to talk to him. I almost didn’t. He blah-blahed about how work was really long and how he was just going home, and how he was busy all day… and I was like… uh huh. Yep. Sure. Nope. Single-word answering him. After that call I just curled up in a ball again.

Then the jacka$$ knocked on my door and gave me flowers. He drove 2 hours to bring me flowers. I was still really mad at him, and I just ended up crying all over him. And yelling at him. It was ridiculous.

I hope he learned his lesson. I don’t like surprises. If I’m having a sh!tty day – then cheer me up and tell me you have a surprise for me. Don’t play this “I’m ignoring you” game and then try to surprise me. I hated it. I hated yesterday. Even though I got to see him, it was too much emotionally for me with TOM and everyone else getting love and attention.

So yes, I saw TJ and I got flowers, but I was miserable yesterday. And it sucked. He got up super early today to drive back for work – and he won’t be spending the weekend now. So it was cute…. Ish…. Eventually… but I still don’t know how I feel about the whole situation…

I really hated yesterday. But I made myself so sick I didn’t emotionally eat… so there’s THAT… I guess…

Happy Cheap Candy Day everyone…
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh yeah... know the feeling... I also can get all fired up and sometimes I'm not sure why I even do that. And in the end it turns out that it really was for nothing, and I'm left ashamed because I doubted something, or got mad at something my boyfriend does. Hate those hormones... But I'm still fighting the urge to binge in those situations! Thank God they don't happen often, and are not so bad, so I manage to get through them with no extra damage.
    Hate myself for sounding so weak now. emoticon emoticon Hope you're getting better at this than I am... emoticon
    1951 days ago
    emoticon That is a very bad combo of things!! I think you were bound to crack, I sure would have!!
    1953 days ago
  • MARIANNE9855
    Men just don't get it- I have always been the one to make the effort- the only person who ever sent me flowers unexpected was an older man with a lot of health problems and I think he wanted a young woman to take care of him.
    When I first started working I always made sure to send my mother flowers and special gifts that I knew she always wanted to make up for my dad never doing it.
    I guess I never held out for the right one but I guess at 57 its not too likely. If you are young- set the standard for yourself early so you get what you deserve and want.
    1954 days ago
  • RR1_RR1
    If it makes you feel better- my bf only got me one flower and it because I told him in advance I was getting him something for vday....and on xmas he got me a baking set...umm for me or for me to bake -HIM Guys can be so dense sometimes.
    1954 days ago
  • CMCP23

    Whoooosa, you survived to fight hormones another day! Yay, lol.
    I know the feeling, spirals of frustration suckered. But hey silver lining, no emotional eating and at least he tried to right his wrong.

    1954 days ago
    He's just learning my nuances... He actually had planned with a friend to get me out to a bar -- and then he was going to surprise me there with flowers, while I was all dressed up and take me to dinner. I ruined THAT plan really well. He tried... didn't work... I'm feeling better today. Hormones + V-day = bad combo!
    1954 days ago
  • NIMIRRA137
    Sorry everything seemed to go wrong yesterday!

    Men can be so dumb! Ignoring a woman on an important day even if you have a surprise later on is not the way to go! I had friends (male and female) do that to me once on my birthday. Ignored me, made plans for lunch, and stood me up only to have a surprise birthday party the day after my birthday. Not cool.

    At least he did give you flowers at the end of the day. Hopefully he learned his lesson and next time he at least acknowledges the special day before surprising you.
    1954 days ago
    I feel you girl I've been married for 5yrs and yesterday was the first time I got token out to dinner for g'day previous yrs fast food didn't want me to cook on vday but here's mcdonalds emoticon guys are numb nuts they need training lol
    1954 days ago
    As others have said men can be so clueless and I do believe you have to be very specific about what you want and expect. I do hope you feel better and please look to the brighter side you did get to see him, albeit once in a bad mood its hard for to get out of it too. Have a better weekend!

    Sending Positive thoughts about a job to come your way!
    1954 days ago
    1954 days ago
    I'm sorry your feelings were hurt that he pretended not to remember. But I also think it was very sweet and special of him to drive two hours to see you and give you flowers in person instead of having some stranger deliver them to your work, etc. Valentine's day is about love after all and not the showing off presents to other people. Hopefully next year he'll make the whole day special since you don't like surprises. I don't think that what he did makes him a jerk though like the other poster said and I hope you cut him some slack.
    1954 days ago
    Men are completely clueless. I've had a man on valentines day before but they still made it suck. Look at the bright side, you didn't eat a ton of candy like I did... emoticon
    1954 days ago
    My boyfriend did something similar the first year we were together. Same 'I wanted to surprised you but I won't be up on the weekend' thing. He learned and now if he wants to surprise me it's via I agree with ADARKARA, sometimes they just don't get it.

    Hooray on your healing progress! That's 18% more healed in a week. Hope you have a good weekend.

    1954 days ago
  • SARAHJ19
    hopefully he learned his lesson!!!! emoticon My hubby forgot Valentine's time...and only one time. He definitely learned his lesson!
    Sorry your day was crappy, hopefully today is better for you! emoticon emoticon
    1954 days ago
    I'm really sorry sweetie. In my experience, men are totally oblivious. My husband included. I think the best thing to do is be really explicit about how your feelings were hurt, no subtlety. Sometimes they really don't understand that our feelings were hurt. emoticon
    1954 days ago
    Yup, some days just plain suck. Sorry it had to be your Valentine's day.
    (Please don't black-list me but... you might be dating a jerk...)
    1954 days ago
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