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Hey Karma, where's the love? Subtitle - Sometimes the Universe has other ideas.

Friday, February 15, 2013

I think Karma has decided that I’ve had enough good things happen in my life recently, and it is time to shake things up again…I just wish she’d stuck with the adage that things “come in three’s”…not 3 squared! Or maybe she decided that in my case it needed to be 3 months of an Interesting Life…In any case….I’m living it, and I hope to goodness I am doing a good job of learning what ever it is she thinks I need a little more obedience training for.

It all started the last week of November, when I met up with one of my Besties for dinner in Gresham. We had a lovely meal and decided to wonder around down town and check out the shop windows, then to trek over to Pet Smart and see the puppies. Instead, while crossing at the crosswalk we met up with a woman and her Cadillac…the type of brilliant woman who looks right to make a left turn. Made perfect sense to her!!! I was the lucky one in that I her license plate and my knee kissed, t'was a hell of a smooch, while my hand planted in the middle of her hood kept me upright. My friend on the other hand…she learned how to fly that night. No broken bones, but a major amount of bruising.

So…#2 the very next day I’m off to Las Vegas for the Rock n Roll Half Marathon. ***Gentlemen, you may skip this paragraph***…yes, it’s one of THOSE stories.
Now you ladies of a certain age understand how excited you become when you reach the 11 month mark…11 months without a visit from Auntie Flo means you have one more month to go before you can officially celebrate. January…January 12 to be exact…I was even planning a “ Croning Party” for myself….2 days after I arrive in Vegas, my least favorite Auntie arrived…and was she ever in a VILE mood! I guess since she hadn't seen me in 11 months, she felt the need to do everything in her power to remind me just what a harridan she can be. So…my 12 months has been reset. Sigh. I’m sure it was related to the accident and the massive amounts of Adrenalin and who knows what else that went pumping through me. For a while I was afraid the race would be impossible, but I walked all but the first mile or two, and had a fabulous time visiting with Jackie and enjoying the experience.

#3…I get back from RnR Vegas, and silly me, unthinkingly I toss my back pack over one shoulder and ralk my way through the airport. This one I totally put on myself…my fault. By the next day I’m feeling stiff, and within 3 days, I’m begging my chiropractor for relief…and then comes the cough. Bronchitis, combined with an already angry back…not a good combination. Ribs moving every which way but those where they belong. Everything went south in a major way for 2 weeks, then…blessed relief! I’m out of pain, I’m running, and life once again looks all happy shiny in Robin’s world.

Until...dum bum bum dum....

#4 Let’s all go for a night run! It’s the Vancouver Marathon training group fun run, it’s at a new location, all my friends will be there…there WILL BE BEER!!! (after the run of course!). Operative words in that run on sentence above; “new location”. New route…at night…in the dark. I love running in the dark! On side streets. Where there isn't much traffic. Where I know the lay of the land and where all the dips and cracks and pot holes are. And…I hadn't been on a real night run since adventure #1. (Vegas doesn't count since the streets were all closed to cars.)
We end up running on a heavily traveled road with NO SIDEWALK, just a bike path. I keep edging off to the left, trying to stay clear of the cars. I’m trying to keep my mind on putting one foot in front of the other, and STAYING AWAY FROM THE CARS!!! Let’s just say I’m freaking out a little bit, and even though I've got excellent lighting on, I still manage to find the one dip in the road and go body surfing on asphalt. I land palms first, then right knee, then I feel my cheek sliding across the pavement. Oh &%#$ just how bad is this going to be??? “Cheryl, how bad is my face!!!” She shines her flashlight on my face and there are no marks. Yippie!!! Next I roll onto my butt and see how bad the leg feels sitting down. I can tell it’s scrapped up, lovely bit of road rash it will be, but it doesn't feel too bad. Let’s get me up on my feet and see how awful this is really going to be. Put some weight on it…bend it…roll it a bit…put my full weight on it….”MY LEG IS OKAY! I CAN STILL RUN!!!” I roll my wrist, I touch my thumb to each finger, I realize my wrists are both okay, though the hands, well red looks good on me, right? I am still thinking I'm okay for the most part. I’ll have a bunch of road to clean out of my hands when we get back to the base, but otherwise, I’m okay….yeah, sure I am.
Off we run, then we walk a bit…the right arm feels a little off…we run some more…we walk…the elbow aches a bit…we run some more…the elbow doesn't really want to straighten all the way, and something feels a little funny in there…we run one last time, and when we stop to walk, “ouch, we are walking back”, there is definitely something not right going on in there, feels like something rubbing against something...and not two somethings that should be rubbing against each other at that.
To make a very long story a little shorter, Urgent care, split, xrays, pain pills, ORTHOPEDIC, new splint, (removable, a bright spot), more xrays…no need for surgery (yay!)….2 weeks later....Mmmmm…we may be looking at surgery…(BOO!) Next visit is in 2 weeks. And I’d better be able to straighten it more by then! Or in doctor jargon, the flexion and extension need work. Fractured radius head in this stunning C shape, and blown out sumpin sumpin (actually I blew out at least one tendon or capsule around the humerus) in the elbow. No, I will not stoop so low as to make a joke about the humor of this situation...maybe later.

Two days later my life turns completely on end, six ways to sideways….I get a call at work from my Dad’s caregiver....she thinks he has another infection and wants to know if I want him sent to the ER. I'm his POA, and have the final say on everything when it comes to his care and his welfare. If she thinks he needs to go, we go! We have been through this many times. He has pain, becomes either agitated, or completely passive. The Dr's prepare us for the worst, and with antibiotics, a change of scenery, and top of the line care, he's back to the foster home in no time.
I get to the hospital, let him know I'm there. Thankfully he doesn't notice the cast on my arm...I was terrified he'd see it and get worked up. He's tired, doesn't know where he is, and not terribly communicative. I stand beside him and hold his hand until my mom arrives. Unfortunately I head back to work for a few hours. My yearly self assessment was due by the end of the day, and I was only half way through. I truly wish now I'd not gone back to finish it, a pay cut would have been worth it to have had a little more time with him while he was still somewhat lucid.
I return to the hospital to be told by the Dr that we need to plan for hospice care....that it's just a matter of days. The hospital will admit him, keep him comfortable, but in a day or two he would need to either go to a hospice center, or back to Luminita's foster home. The next thing I had to do, was the 2nd hardest thing I've ever done in my life. #1 was dialing 911 when my husband died. This time is placing the call to my brother to tell him our father is going to die...not in that intangible future we had always known was coming...but soon...tomorrow, the next day, this time we weren't going to get to take him home and have him feel better and clearer and have a few good weeks of clarity and good talks, and memories, and laughs, or even to just sit with him and watch golf matches on TV....the only thing I could think was, "my Daddy is dying." (Oh crap, here come the tears again.)
I'd already made calls to my sons before we got this news. Told them there was no need to come to the hospital immediately, but as always they did. Thank goodness my boys have that wonderful sense of family...we may not spend a lot of time together, but when there is the slightest sense of something going awry, they are there just as fast as can be. (sorry this is so long, but it's time to get it out)
My mother and I took off to get some food knowing the boys....excuse me...my men...would be there with their Bapa, I felt that somehow he would know they were with him. While we were gone, the nurse called and said we should come back soon, very soon. I'm thinking, deluding myself, that the antibiotics would do the trick and in a few days, he'd show the Dr's they were wrong. It was a bloody gallstone after all...gall stones don't kill people!
Mother and I return from getting some dinner. All three of my sons are there, Dad looks peaceful, but I can tell he's very ill. Past trips to the hospital by now he would be hallucinating about the war, the concentration camps, or even trying to get Jesse to fix the leaks in the water pipes in the ceiling. this time was very different. I got it. I understood my Daddy wasn't going back to his home. I held his hand, I stroked his hair, and I told him it was okay...if he was ready to leave, it was okay. I told him over and over that I loved him, and if it was time that his mom would be waiting for him. To be totally honest, I don't know if I believe that, but I know he does. I never knew much about my real grandma, but I knew he loved her deeply. My sons got the opportunity to say goodbye, and even my mother, who had been separated from him for many years, whispered her final words to him. We really don't know when he took his last breath. Jesse, my oldest was the one who kept watch. When we thought he was gone, I went for the nurse....she thought a few times she heard a flutter of a heart beat...and silly me, again I'm thinking, "He's going to fool us all, he's stronger than the Dr's think". I knew better, I didn't want to admit it. When she finally said he was gone...Oh...all I could think was "my Daddy's dead". I haven't thought of him as Daddy in decades...I've been more parent to him than child for 10 years, but at that moment, I was the child once again, and all I wanted was to tell my Daddy one last time that he was important to me, and I loved him, and I didn't want him to leave.

=Then came the family, the funeral, the nephews that I wish - hope - will learn what they mean to each other...before they regret it...Then just days after my father's funeral, the death of my mother's cat. I honestly think I cried harder at the vet holding my mother, than I did at the funeral....it was just one straw too many.

And then #6 Anti climactic, but pure hell for the past 2 weeks.
What’s that???…it’s an ache in my lower left back again…it will go away…Hmmm…It’s the next day…ache’s still there…it will go a way…Hmmmmmm day 3…Oh my FREAKING GAWDS…Kidney stone pain!!!! Off to the Dr, convinced I’m giving birth to a twenty pound stone through my ureter. BP is through the ceiling, hoping someone will please just take the knife out of my back. CT Scan, more pain meds (thank goodness I still had some left from the arm since the ditsy Dr [not my regular PCP] forgot to call in the prescription), and home with the diagnosis no blood in my urine and no stone on the scan. Dr says don't see the chiro until we have a diagnosis, then she leaves me hanging. What the FLIP? Not even a call to see if I'm any better. I spend the entire weekend in bed, waiting for the pain to pass....Monday morning my BP is just as high as it was Thursday, I'm fantasizing about taking 4 pills instead of the prescribed 2 but know the consequences of that rash idea. Back to the hospital for xrays to make sure it's not my spine. Perfect xrays, perfect blood workup. better even than 2 months ago for my physical. FINALLY I get to see my PCP. we talk, he gives me a hug when he hears about my Dad's death....we talk about stress, the fact that I'm lopsided due to the stupid cast, the fact that I haven't been able to do any of my normal exercises, and he brings in a spine to show me what he thinks is going on. Nerve bundles, muscles that hold the stabilizing bones in place, sacroiliitis or some such. No more pain pills, something to relax me a bit, and deal with the muscle spasms, a steroid to reduce the inflammation...look at my diet and remove any inflammatory foods, and GET MY BUTT BACK TO THE CHIROPRACTOR!!!

Okay....once again, sorry for the novel. I needed to get it all off my chest and maybe I can move on a bit. spilling a few more tears tonight while writing this probably did me a world of good.

Hopefully #6 is it, for the time being at least...My attitude is trying to turn back to the sunny side , and maybe I've learned what ever lesson the Universe thought it was time for. Touch Wood.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Robin, they say bad things come in 3's, but I never heard of getting a double-dose! So sorry to hear about your losing your father, but at least you were there and surely he was able to hear you comforting him at the end. It's understandable that you'd go to pieces at the vet's - somehow they are such calm and understanding people; they just seem to know how to let us vent.

    The arm will get better, even if it does need surgery. The bad back may be with you for a long time, so it's good you already have a chiro you know and trust. Your recent weekend in Seattle must have been a calming help, and tackling the landscape first will give you a good feeling about the other renovations yet to come.
    1865 days ago
    That's a lot to handle and makes a lot of sense the stress manifested into physical problems! Hopefully you will find some relief soon and that this is the end of your trials for a bit.

    emoticon emoticon
    1881 days ago
    That darn Karma! Hoping it all turns around ~ soon! emoticon
    1884 days ago
  • LUCYLU22
    emoticon emoticon I still say you are quite the inspiration, despite all that you have been through with your father's passing on top of each and every injury you have still maintained your sense of humor, and you have continued to work towards your health goals! I pray that things start looking up for you!
    1885 days ago
    Oh robin.. I get what you are saying. It's the how much more do I have to go through. I think I had that friday and I broke down. I hope writing it all out helped.
    1887 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    You are a wonderful, strong, brave, beautiful woman. I'm sorry about the hand you have been dealt, but you have been handling it with such grace.
    1887 days ago
    Robin, I didn't mind reading the whole thing at all... It was very nicely written. It made me feel like you were sitting her talking to me...I'm hoping it made you feel better and that things will go back to a better kind of 'normal' for you!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    PS: I did knock on wood! emoticon
    1888 days ago
    I'm so sorry. emoticon
    1888 days ago
  • *MADHU*
    emoticon emoticon
    1889 days ago
  • LCDM83
    emoticon emoticon Here is a prayer that as we turn into spring, your life will get some peace. Take care! You have been strong to endure all of those events.
    1889 days ago
    Robin, I don't have anything to add because (y)our friends have said it all.
    That's a crap load to deal with but I sense that you're keeping your humour intact. Can you handle one more hug? emoticon
    1889 days ago
    Oh, Robin, I'm so sorry for everything. I am in tears now reading about your Daddy; it brings back memories of losing my mother and then four years later my father. I guessed the broken arm before you spelled it out. I broke the radius head of my right (writing) arm one spring day just the same way you did and with very similar sensations.

    Life isn't fair, but we become stronger for our experiences. Just as steel is put in the fire one last time to make it stronger, it seems that Karma has but you in the fire one last time to make you stronger.

    I hope that 2013 becomes the best year of your life. You deserve it.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon


    1889 days ago
    I am so sorry for your loss and all the body pain you have had to endure. They say this to shall pass but sometimes it seems to take forever.. I hope the next 12 months passes without any unexpected visits. Good luck and God Bless you and your family.
    1889 days ago
    emoticon There's just no words to say how sorry I am for what you've been going through.
    1890 days ago
    emoticon I am so glad that you were able to get in to your PCP. It sounds like he is pretty wise. I am so sorry to hear all you have been going thru!! It is hard to read, I can't imagine actually Living It!!
    emoticon I will be Praying with you that The Worst is Over, The Lesson Is Learned, and Brighter Days are on The Horizon!!
    1890 days ago
    Ah Robin emoticon I'm so, so sorry.
    I wish you peace, and relief and healing. And sunshine and forest trails when you're ready again.
    1890 days ago
    Oh sweetie!! What a whirlwind of STUFF!
    My sincerest condolences to you and your family.
    I hope you are back to "normal" soon. Stress can really be insidious!
    1890 days ago
    My heart goes out to you. emoticon Having your sons nearby must be very comforting. Dealing with your physical issues on top of it all really stinks too!

    You are strong and will win emoticon out over these challenges that life has thrown at you.

    Your Spark friends are here for you. emoticon
    1890 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/15/2013 9:23:21 AM
  • JLITT62
    Robin, I don't think that was karma - unfortunately I think that was just life. And sometimes life breaks you down -- hopefully to build you back up.

    My life was mostly hell this last yr, but it IS getting better . . . with my dad turning 87 & my mom 85 I'm not sure for how long, but I can appreciate while I've got it.

    They say the average age for menopause is 51 . . . since I just turned that & TOM shows no signs of disappearing i'm afraid I'll be like my mom & not go thru it til I'm 56! And lately it only likes to make an appearance at races which is really annoying!

    Here's to a much better 2013 & big hugs!
    1890 days ago
    *HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS* Robin, wow, life has really put you through the wringer lately. You are a strong woman to handle all of these things. You will make it! And things will get better! :) emoticon
    1890 days ago
  • FITAT50
    Robin, you should have put a tissue alert in there! I am so sorry for all you've been through recently. Life has to start looking up for you! Sending good vibes your way.
    1890 days ago
    Better days are coming!
    Read my blog on Evolving Health!
    1890 days ago
    I'm so sorry to hear of all your troubles. Life is like that sometimes - everything seems to come at once, but I hope that life will get better for you from now on, and I hope your back is recovering.

    1890 days ago
    I enjoyed yor novel ... Blood, sweat, tears and absent love! There is nothing more I could ask for. I think we should at least get a TV series out of it. I will be your agent! What do say? Thanks for sharing, you are an over-commer and I luv your sense of humor.
    1890 days ago
  • BERRY4
    So sorry for the pain, sadness, and grief. Such a journey we walk....
    1890 days ago
  • TAYSMOM77642
    Wow. Life has really thrown you a curveball in a major way. First off-my sincerest condolences on the loss of your dad. That has to be one of the hardest things any child will ever have to endure with an aging parent. Thank goodness for your mom and your children.
    2nd- keep going to the chiropractor. Those people have magic hands, of this I am almost certain.
    3rd- emoticon big time and I hope all of your injuries heal quickly and properly.
    1890 days ago
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