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I am losing more and more self-control at home...

Thursday, February 14, 2013

I need to find a job again and get out of the house for most of the day! Currently, I haven't found work yet in our new city, and I spend all day long at home....with my fridge and cabinets full of food right by me.

It's gotten to the point where every time I open the fridge to do anything - put away some food I've prepared for dinner, work on my bread dough, clean, get out a drink, see what we have that I can use for future meals, determine what we're running low on, whatever - I'll get out some grapes. Or some mushrooms.

That's not toooo bad, but I don't like that I don't quite feel in control of my eating. But at least it's healthy.

Lately, however, that habit has been encroaching on other types of food - like chex mix, or cereals. Things that I tell myself are nutritious to a degree (whole grains, all that) but that I haven't tracked. Things I tell myself it's okay to eat because I'm still trying to gain a little more body fat and hoping to be able to get pregnant. What I'm telling myself is kind of true, but it's also just excuses because I want to eat these things. It's usually not that I'm hungry; it's just that I'm there, the food is there, and I simply like putting food into my mouth/chewing it/swallowing it. I'm not bingeing or anything, but I don't have the iron control that I used to have around food. All this time having food constantly available to me (as opposed to being away from home with only the lunch and snacks I've packed for myself) is wearing down my willpower a bit. For now, it's not really a problem since it's not a lot of food, it's almost never totally unhealthy, and I do need to put on weight, but I don't want it to lead to me being 244 pounds again.

I'm Catholic. I think for Lent, I am going to "give up" two things:

1. Obliquely dismissing my mom's efforts to be nice (cluttering my inbox with recipes I would never make, scheduling with my mother-in-law -- without consulting us -- my husband's and my time visiting our hometown so that we can see both sets of families, getting over-involved in problem-solving when I have some minor issue that's bothering me and making it into a bigger deal than it is by putting in way too much effort to "fix" it, etc.) and instead just saying "thanks."

2. Getting food whenever I want just because it occurs to me that I have it and could eat it. No more grapes every time I pass the fridge, no more extra handfuls of cereal straight from the box after I've already finished my planned breakfast.

I don't want to be a food nazi, but I *do* want to maintain control when it comes to snacking and instead fuel myself only when it's mealtime or I'm truly hungry. I don't want to fall back into my old unhealthy relationship with food - as a leisure activity.

Anyways, to finish on a positive, we had a lovely Valentine's Day evening together. Watched some of our favorite shows, listened to some upbeat love songs, I made us a nice dinner of eggs with spinach and mushrooms cooked in these little heart-shaped molds I got recently, eggplant (cut into heart shapes using the same egg-cooking- thingamabobs), toast (cut into heart I was having fun with my new toys), green beans, oranges, homemade vegetarian sausages made with TVP, and zucchini oatmeal brownies (recipe on sparkrecipes, and it's really good! Egg- and oil-free too!) baked in - what else? - a heart-shaped pan.

Hope everybody enjoyed their Valentine's Day, or your regular Thursday if you don't do the holiday thing. :) (Honestly, we barely do it; my husband knows better than to buy me a box of chocolates nowadays, and I've always thought flowers were a waste of money - if I'm gonna get flowers, I'd rather they be hand-picked from the woods or something - takes more effort and is therefore more meaningful!)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Your Valentine's dinner sounds yummy...and who would be able to resist the heart-shaped cutter thingy? If I had one, I'd cut all my food into hearts too.
    1923 days ago
    I know what you mean, I definately notice that I have a time on weekends when I'm home. I think that it is also because I give myself a huge to-do list and it is a way of avoiding the list. However, once I get started DOING something, I am OK. Tomorrow I think that I am going to dive into a project BEFORE I start eating, and see if that works. I also bought several big bottles of seltzer, and am going to see if I can fill up on those. Your Valentines food sounds great!
    1924 days ago
    I imagine it must be very difficult to find a balance when trying to gain a little weight, but not go back to old habits.
    Stay mindful and emoticon

    Your Valentine's Day meal sounds lovely. emoticon Sorry for the pun.
    1925 days ago
    I know ALL ABOUT being at home and snacking. When I moved to MD I didn't have a job for EIGHT MONTHS. And I gained 40 pounds. That's forty. 4-0. Pounds. And it did not take the whole 8 months either. And so began my second weight loss journey.

    I wasn't eating grapes and mushrooms though. Trust me.
    1925 days ago
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