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I Need to Learn To...

Wednesday, February 13, 2013


Valentine's Day is tomorrow and instead of making me happy, it is reminding me of how much I don't love myself & I don't understand how anyone else could either.

I am so afraid of dying, but I have not been living for the past 10 years or so either. I'm just here. I don't feel that I am serving a purpose.

-I don't currently enjoy my job.

-My home is a MESS.

-My husband & I don't have the best relationship.

-I am overweight & I ate junk.

-MOTHERHOOD is the HARDEST job EVER! My son stresses me out! And I am tired.

All I do is get up, go to work, come home and sit on the couch because apparently TV and social media are important to me.

I always have thoughts of doing things differently, but I never put any action behind my words. I just like to Talk the Talk.

I need to change. I don't want to feel this way anymore, but there are so many things to change, I don't know where to start. I am so OVERWHELMED.

I need someone to LIFT ME UP and guide me out of my darkness.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I can really relate to this. I've been thinking a great deal about my purpose-or lack there of-lately.

    My husband informed me a few days ago to not even think about Valentine's Day because we're not doing it. We don't have a great relationship either.

    I decided to start making changes for me. I've got a long, long way to go. I started walking 5 days a week and no matter what is going on, no is not an option. It's helping my mood, though I have to talk myself into doing it everyday and talk myself into finishing most days.

    Find one thing to work on. That's what I'm doing.

    Oh, and I eat on a time schedule and I adjust my daytime eating so I can indulge a bit at night(not a ton). ( I have to eat at least something at night or I wake up with low glucose at 2am) I often use something chocolate or sweet but again, I make it work in my totals for the day. This has helped with my urge to binge as when I want to, I can tell myself-YES, but later.
    1922 days ago
    I agree that it just takes changing one thing. Then when that feels normal, add another change. just little changes, like grab a glass of water instead of soda - or grab a piece of fruit or nuts instead of a sugary snack. Once I started doing this, it actually changed my attitude...as my outlook changed, my perception changed and I no longer hated work. That is a big one for me. I used to dread going to work and I complained all the time....now I don't exactly love it, but I don't dread it either. As my attitude changed I started making my motto "work is my favorite" (from the movie ELF) and it seems like it is not so bad at work. I think you must want to take that step since you are here on Sparkpeople, you want some positivity in your life, you can do it. You are going to start loving yourself - soon I hope. emoticon
    Missourians Team
    1923 days ago
    I understand exactly what you are saying and can relate on several items. I feel like I am in a rut and struggling to pull myself out. I have drive to change things, but then I don't get nearly as far as I want to and get very, very discouraged. Some days it is a wonder that I keep going at all. But we will get there together!! emoticon
    1923 days ago
    Baby steps girl! One thing at a time, then add another when you get used to it. When you have a negative thought, stop yourself, search for the positive!!
    1923 days ago
    I can relate to a lot of what you said. I'm still a work in progress but I started with just one change & then went from there. I started with just getting up and going for a 10 min. walk everyday & I have made that a habit & I miss it if I don't get out. For me starting with exercise was easier than my eating issues & my emotional issues. Just remember any step is a positive step & you need to work @ your own comfort level. HANG IN THERE!!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!
    1923 days ago
  • INDNANNA1979
    I was in a similar place where I hated my job, ate whatever (mostly crap), and I didn't care about the condition of my home around me. The only thing that got me out was the support of the people around me. I had to tell people how I hated where I was and where I wanted my life to be. This kept me somewhat accountable because I didn't want to go back to those same people a month or two later and have changed nothing.
    Make small changes at a time. When you come home from work, ask your husband if he wants to go on a short walk around the neighborhood with you. This will give you guys a chance to talk and connect and will get you off the couch. Do this a few times a week and go from there.
    Mainly, figure out what would make you happy with your life. Have a goal to work for. I can be here for you as much as a virtual person can be
    1923 days ago
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