What the Water Gave Me

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

I figured it was time to write and express how I have been feeling lately. I need this, it¡¦s almost a relief to sit here and write about where I have been, what I am thinking and what¡¦s going on. During this journey one of things that I have tried to change about myself is dwelling on the negatives of everyday life. I find myself keeping myself motivated and staying positive because if I don¡¦t love myself first how can anyone else be loved/love me? I have come out of a long relationship not that long ago with a guy that didn¡¦t want or deserve my attention. I think a lot of my problems were not necessarily his fault but because he never wanted really anything from me but fights I found myself miserable, lonely and really really unmotivated. Since I left him I have felt nothing but happiness, joy and constant smiles. This has been a process and a long time now (of course I see him at the gym all the time and he actually looks like happier/healthier yay me). My friends really suggested this online dating thing to me because I have a hard time just approaching guys and being like ¡§hey, I¡¦m Jennie, let¡¦s hang out¡¨ type of deal. I started this dating thing and I can honestly say that after a month of using the services I am totally overwhelmed and frustrated with what I have had. I have had lots of messages from guys, I won¡¦t lie but the dates are terrible. I have met probably four guys and have been chatting with a couple more as well. I got to know this one guy and really started to like him. We went on officially five dates and I thought that things were going good (obviously if he¡¦s trying to hold my hand and all of that garbage). He messaged me last night about how he ¡§finds me attractive¡¨ but because I am bigger than anyone he has been with he can¡¦t be with me. Like seriously? Ouch! This was exactly the reason that I didn¡¦t want to do this online dating crap because all it does is set you up for rejection. Rejection is not a comforting thing and it really really eats away at you. So I know that I shouldn¡¦t give up after this guy but I feel like me focusing more on changing myself for a healthier life is more important. I love the attention from guys I really do but that fear of rejection is not something I am willing to work with right now.

Above and beyond all of that men crap (yes I must add I am a female that is very anti Valentine¡¦s Day because I think you should show each other you love each other every day and can¡¦t be bought by the silliness of it all, but I¡¦m sure it¡¦s still nice to be appreciated). I have worked out harder than I have in a long time last night and today because what that guy said to me really fueled my fire. I don¡¦t know I just don¡¦t understand why people are stupid-I have talked a lot about this in my last blog and understand that beauty is both on the surface and inside but let¡¦s be honest it¡¦s human nature to judge people based on looks first. It sucks it really does. On a happier note from me, I have my weigh in tomorrow and it could possibly be my first day in the 200¡¦s I am super excited to see if it happens. Keep sparkin! ƒº
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    If he can't be with you because of your size, then he doesn't deserve you! I understand what you're saying about letting it fuel your fire to get healthier. Let it. Use it. Don't let it tear you up, just let it make you stronger. Seriously though, one of these days you're going to find an amazing guy who loves you because you're awesome. You never know when that will be, but you're right. Focus on yourself right now and the rest will fall in place. emoticon
    2257 days ago
  • LILYPAD12311
    First of all Jennie,,,,, YOU are beautiful .... no matter what your weight,,,,, you have so many great qualities and I am so sorry that the guy who you went out with, could not see it. Unfortuantely, most men are visual beasts but that does not mean that they all want to date a stick figure either........ smart men go for both,,,,, but I agree with Katdid412,,,, It is great that you are focusing on yourself.... taking care of you right now.... Making yourself a priority in your own life! I have a mantra that I say to myself every morning and I am going to share it with you.... "I accept and love myself unconditionally, just as I am". This does not mean that I am not going to work to improve myself and my health,,, just that I accept and love who I am right now. Rooting for you Jennie! emoticon
    2257 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/15/2013 12:24:15 AM
    Don't you worry there is someone out there who is perfect for you!
    2258 days ago
  • KIMBERLY19732
    You are beautiful! The guy who did that SUCKS!
    2259 days ago
  • KATYDID412
    I think it's great that you are focusing on yourself right now. Men, schmen. You need to come first, and the rest will follow. You can't be a good partner to someone else if you don't love yourself first. I really believe that. And I think that loving ourselves is maybe best expressed by continuing on this journey we're on, and really REALLY working at it.

    This is the advice I am trying to get myself to listen to as well.

    Sending hugs your way!
    2259 days ago
  • COOKIE_AT_51
    emoticon to you ...
    2259 days ago
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