Cupcakes Almost Did Me In
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
The potential to binge lately has been very persistent. But I have dealt with it for 6 days successfully!
Yesterday I needed to go to Walmart for groceries. I went a little hungry...bad move as we all know. But on my way into the store I did pray that I would get myself out of the store without any binge foods.
What happened right away? I walked to the back of the store to follow my regular path, and first thing I did was walk up to the discount bakery rack and eye up the 20 pack of mini cupcakes. Cupcakes and bakery cake of any form is my weakness, a purely binge food for me. I saw they were $3.60 and 360 calories for 3 of them. I put one pack in my cart, imagining the sweetness and creaminess of the frosting and the soft vanilla cake that I love so much. Fantasizing about eating most of them in the car before heading home, as I usually do when I buy cake.
As I went around the corner I thought I should probably put them right back. But no I wasn't motivated to do so. Right after that I came upon $1 valentine boxes of assorted chocolates. Put one in my cart for another binge. Perhaps keeping them in the cart if I did decide to put the cupcakes back. I went a little further and picked up some regular stuff.
As I thought about the desire I had to continue my binge free streak and not cut it short at day 5, when I knew that one time I'd had a 18 day streak which I planned to beat, I headed back to put the cupcakes back. I forced myself to shake away all thoughts of the pleasure of the binge. I put them back, looking around to see if anyone was looking (whatever that was all about!) And though it was out of place I laid the candy down there too. Not risking changing my mind and keeping them if I traveled all the way back to their rightful place in the store.
I felt good, and just a little bit victorious, but I didn't want to congratulate myself just yet, I was only half-way through the store. Besides, I had also promised myself that if I put back the whole box, I could instead pick up one cupcake if they had them in the bakery.
I got to the bakery and almost passed it by but was drawn to the donuts. I figured I could get one for 300 calories. But I was originally drawn to cupcakes, so I figured I would only be satisfied with a cupcake. Found one vanilla kid size cupcake. Not regular size but not really a mini. Just right for a snack. Probably about 300 calories. I figured it would fit into my requirements for the day.
I looked longingly at the caramel milky ways, my favorite, in the check-out line, maybe I could get it and eat half tomorrow and half the next day as planned treats. But, no, that may lead to a binge, and I had my snack for today.
I ate it and you know I didn't really enjoy it though I ate it slowly (in the car) and tried to savor it. I found myself fantasizing about the huge slices of cake with lots of frosting that they sell for under a dollar at my other grocery store.
I had to go to that other store because they didn't have almond milk today at Walmart. So there I went. They had NO cake slices out at all, so that helped me get out safely. But they didn't have the natural cheetos my son wanted for his daughter, so I went on to another store. At that store they also didn't carry those chips so on my way out the door I made a detour to the free cookie stand they always have there at the Harris Teeter. I ate it on my way to the car and that finally satisfied me.
I got home and wrote down my unplanned calories, and lo and behold, I was right on target for the time of day it was and wouldn't have to scrimp and save to make it within range.
I was satisfied. And lucky that I didn't go over for the day. I don't count that as a binge. For me a binge is usually a feeding frenzy and takes me over my calorie range by more that a couple hundred calories. Usually they are 1000-2400 calories extra for that day. I'd count it as a binge if I had 400-500 calories extra unplanned.
That's my story for today. Each day has it's own struggles, I am not struggling with binge urges today, nor am I craving sweets.