Finally hit the 25lbs mark!! Shouldn't I be happy?!?

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

I have finally officially lost 25 lbs. I say finally because I have been teetering for the past 3 weeks with a pound. When I weighed in on Saturday and she told me I reached that mark, I was so happy. However, I have been feeling so defeated and STUCK. I have been really struggling with portion control...just control period.

As you have read in my previous blogs, I am a list maker. It helps me put things into a different perspective. it goes.

What does 25lbs mean to me or how has it made a difference:

~Lose clothing
~dropping into the 60's...started in the 90's
~People are really starting to notice and ask
~feeling less body aches
~my hubby is so proud of me...and tells me often
~dropping 2 clothing sizes.
~???? that is all I can think of

What I am struggling with:

~I have many emotions...some good and others not so good. Like noticing how much extra flab/skin I already have...and this is just the beginning.

~Feeling so dumpy in my clothes but not wanting nor have the $ to buy new ones. Why buy some when I hope to drop more sizes soon.

~Still have SO many days when I just LOSE it. Meaning my will power goes out the window and I binge. I did that this weekend and for the 1st time since I started WW in Oct, I see -15 points in my Weight Watchers tracker every day. It sucks to see it but also a reminder that I DON'T want to see that again.

~I am making every effort to use the WW plan as it is designed, but it means it has been very slow. It is hard to be patient. I have to keep telling myself that slow is better...slow is better....slow is better....slow is better.

~Going back to binge eating. Every tournament my daughter has had so far has lead to me over eating and losing control. I am the kind of person that if I blow it in the morning, I don't give a crap the rest of the day either. I need to start taking control of that. Being that my daughter has tournaments 3 of the 4 weekends each month until August...IT WILL BE DETRIMENTAL TO MY SUCCESS!

~I keep beating myself up inside when I have a bad day. I am enjoying the food while I am eating it, but then immediately I start making myself feel like a failure. Instead of being happy and proud of what I have accomplished so far, I steal my own joy and wallow in self pity...pretty pathetic, I know.


TIME TO GET REAL....FACE REALITY.....AND DECIDE WHAT I WANT OUT OF THIS. Maybe this is the time that I start working on the inner me. Time to hash it out and figure out who I am, why I let myself get this size and what I need to fix (inside) so I don't get this way again.

My daughter once told me (a couple years ago when she was 10),

"You know what I want? I want my mom to start believing in herself".

Pretty powerful words from a child. I wrote them down on a post it note on my desk so I can see it everyday. I think it is time I START DOING.

OK, I feel better now. BRING IT!!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • AWOLF24
    25 pounds is an awesome accomplishment! And, you have a pretty smart daughter...listen to her! ((hugs!!))
    1925 days ago
    Great job! Give yourself credit where it is due girl! That is a great accomplishment. Celebrate and started moving towards the next goal. You can do it!!
    1925 days ago
    Wow, Great Blog, you can do it!
    1925 days ago
  • TAMMY5707
    I am so with you on this one. Binge eating is my downfall and I fight it every day. I'm working on a couple strategies: I'm trying to keep my hands busy during my temptation times of day. I'm snacking on sunflower seeds because they keep my mouth and hands busy but take forever to eat a serving. I'm trying to wait out the cravings and not give into them right away.

    My other suggestion is to do something special and reward yourself to celebrate your 25 pound mark. Get a massage or buy yourself a new outfit (even if you hope to lose more you need something for right now). Do something that you will enjoy that is non-food related at each milestone or small goal you set for yourself. Maybe you'll go a whole week without binging or maybe you lose another 10 pounds. Set small goals and then celebrate them.

    Good luck, I feel your pain.
    1925 days ago
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