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I Am Not A Failure

Monday, February 11, 2013

I weighed myself this morning.

I gave myself a little talk beforehand, all about disappointment and knowing what to do after the "reveal" but I guess I wasn't prepared for it to be THAT high.

I mean, I should have known. None of my clothes fit. I feel really awkward. Even my watch is feeling tight on my wrist.

I have pretty much gained everything back.

Years of work, totally undone.

Granted - I was told by my doctor when I started my new meds that they caused weight gain. I was told to stop working out while the other doctor got my spine in order. I am now weaning myself off those meds and I am cleared to begin some cardio and minor weights.

But now I am at Square One.

I refuse to see this as a failure. A slip up, maybe? A wake up call to treat my body right? A reminder of how terrible I feel when I look at myself and I'm awkward and unhappy?

Today I hooked my new work pedometer to myself and I decided I'm not settling for this. I am GOING to move forward. This does not have to be my life. I can feel sorry for myself this morning but then I have to be the person who fixes it and makes it better.

I will only really be a failure if I give up now.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It will be ok! You faced the scale and that is over with. You had a lot of challenges this last year, and you did what you knew to do. Now that you're doing better, I know you can get your fitness going more and be in the right mindset. We're all here for you! Hang in there. emoticon
    1918 days ago
    instead of getting down yourself. you're doing something about it. that is amazing
    1925 days ago
    You're definitely not a failure, you're a heroine facing down her foes! You're already stepping up to the plate. You know what you need to do, you have the tools and experience to do it, and you know who has been sneakily working for the other side (your meds and your inability to exercise).

    Move forward with a purpose (Sherrilynn Kenyon)
    1925 days ago
    You are on your way. I did the same thing. I lost over 40 lbs and gained back 30.....:( Sigh...the only way to deal with this is put your head down and plow through! We can do this, I promise!
    1926 days ago
    Sometimes life happens. But you know what to do, you are determined, and you can lose the weight again!
    1926 days ago
    You are not at square one!! Even if you have put a few pounds back on, think of all that you have gained over the time in terms of knowledge and support! You know HOW to lose weight now, that learning in and of itself is a time consuming process that you don't have to repeat (always a good idea to take some refreshers now and again) You also know that you CAN do it, because you already have once. There were lots of factors outside your control (medicine just being one, but a huge one), but you're right for recognizing them and planning your progress forward. You got this!!
    1926 days ago
    I had a talk with myself this am too,,,,that scale controls me way too much! Beating yourself up about this won't do anything, I like your attitude!.....Jump back in and just do it! emoticon
    1926 days ago
  • MARTY728
    I just blogged my recommitment! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1926 days ago
    You have the absolute right attitude. Your body is on the mend now, you have a new great job, you can now tweak your eating and exercise. Don't be discouraged if changes don't happen as quickly as you'd like. Depending upon the meds that you were on, they can really mess with your metabolism, so be gentle with yourself! Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend in the same situation!!
    1926 days ago
    It's notyour fault, meds triggered the weight-gain, too. So ofc you are not a failure! Instead you are a success, because you figured out what was wrong with your health and you worked to improve it.

    Your health comes first. Being healthy and fit is important but all the headaches were a nightmare if I remember correctly, so gaining a few pounds is a good bargain.

    Now that you know what was wrong, you can ask your doctors of what to do in order to start exercising again. Slowly but steadily everything will work out!

    emoticon emoticon
    1926 days ago
    Oh Stefani! I hear ya. This is where 2013 started for me as well basically. But the fact that you are here, blogging about it, still logging in, still giving a crap, means you most certainly have NOT given up and you are NOT a failure!

    I'm here rooting for your road back to success.
    1926 days ago
    You are SO right. You are NOT a failure as long as you keep going. I'm sure that new pedometer will help you stay motivated.
    1926 days ago
  • SLEE103
    I completely agree, take a moment, wallow, do whatever you have to, feel sorry and then take a step forward. You said it yourself, you will only be a failure if you give up now, and even then don't be so hard on yourself (believe me, I KNOW I do the same thing) but its not about failing or succeeding, it is a continuous process, and as long as you have more steps forward than steps back, then you will get to where you want to be! emoticon emoticon
    1926 days ago
    That is the attitude I love to hear!!! emoticon
    1926 days ago
    You are most certainly NOT a failure - especially not with your positive attitude! emoticon
    1926 days ago
  • ASTRA58
    It's rough, but only temporary. You can do this!
    1926 days ago
    Look at this as a second chance to do it right. Good luck, dear!
    1926 days ago
    you can do this! no giving up on it.
    1926 days ago
  • SNS1968
    Sorry, I know the feeling. Think of it as a journey, not a destination. I'm sure you're feeling down, but get back out there, and in 2 weeks you'll see some positive changes.

    emoticon emoticon
    1926 days ago
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