STEPHLOKI
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I need a break!

Monday, February 11, 2013

Right now things are just tough once again.

1. At work pressure is so high
2. the engineers supposed to work with me on projects need to be reminded constantly
3. My supervisor is so busy, he doesn't get around to helping me sort out issues
4. Projects are sprung on me left right and center as if they were emergencies and if I want to delay the actual start to allow for planning, they are presented to me as "hypersensitive projects" that need my "personal input", "only" have 5 major projects like that
5. The Directors believe in shouting and screaming and general psychoterror
6. I have no time to check with the Embassy on some urgent papers I need to sort out my citizenship issues and can;t get through to them on the phone
7. I need a better job with bosses who treat you humane, but have not time to check for one
8. Weight is not budging, even I a trying so hard.
9. RA is flaring up once again and I have to reduce the amount of exercise I am doing
10. Perimenopausal symptoms are becoming worse again

Want me to go on????

Honestly i need a break. Oh, and then I have been send for some training. Will be 8 weeks every Saturday, no idea when I will study for this. And apparently I am supposed to still be up to date on all projects when I come back to work on Monday.....(that's what I was being shouted at for this morning).

When will I get a break?
Right now I hate my body, hate myself (break out in tears every minute, which I hate), hate my job and don;t see anything changing any time soon.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • STEPHLOKI
    Striver,
    that would work in the western world, here I tried, that's the reason why I get shouted at.
    The situation on MOnday morning 9am, was that I didn't have the full update on a project yet. I had told the team to keep me posted if somethign goes wrong. but hadn;t managed to get the update yet, but the Director (who isn;t even involved in the day to day running of things, but likes meddling...) was upset I didn't have the update. I told him I will get the update and let him know but to him that was not good enough.....

    Let me finish my certificate then I start looking for a new job intensively.
    2895 days ago
  • STEPHLOKI
    Hi everyone,
    thanks so much for your kinds words. It is so wonderful to know there are people out there who care.

    Kricket,
    I think one of the things hitting me is that I work for a "typical" Kenyan company of the old school, with all those culture problems and people not owning what they do. While I have worked for several wonderful - very Western working Kenyan run Kenyan owned Companies in the past.

    Today was a bit better, at least not Director shouting at me and kicking me out of the office.......

    At least the GM HR & Operations I report to stands behind me. And we have developed some new strategies for the future. A new seniro Engineer is coming in in March to take charge of those engineers. Then the pressure will be a bit off me.

    Let's hope for the best
    2896 days ago
  • STRIVER57
    Steph --
    emoticon

    what would happen if you just said no, occasionally? (like, to locking the office ... or by walking away from being yelled at ("if you can't talk to me civilly, i can't listen right now").
    good luck.

    2896 days ago
  • SCHNOOTIE
    Oh Steph, that's just too much for one person. I know how hard you work and the moral code you come to work with. Trying to get everything done is just plain impossible under these circumstances. When will you rest and take care of yourself? And how can you, if you don't have a minute to spare to step back and regroup and make a good plan. I don't really know anything smart to say to help build you up, but just know that my heart is hurting for you and what you are going through. Let me know if there is anything I can do to cheer you up or make life easier for you!!!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2897 days ago
  • MJ7DM33
    emoticon
    2897 days ago
  • IFDEEVARUNS2
    Let's be patient with our bodies, OK? I really think that things will sort themselves out if we just continue doing what's right and stop stressing about it. The stress is really, really harmful.
    2897 days ago
  • DDOORN
    No wonder all your physical flare ups are happening with all those boatloads of stress in your life!

    Whew! Sounds like you need to shoehorn in some time for you to step away for some self-pampering!

    Don
    2897 days ago
  • LIVE2RUN4LIFE
    I'm so sorry you are going through all this. Stress and sleep disruptions can really hinder your body's natural ability to keep weight in balance. On top of everything else!
    emoticon
    2897 days ago
  • KENDRACARROLL
    As far as your work is concerned, and I've been seeing your status updates for a while now, I'm thinking that a huge part are cultural differences and values. After all you're half a world away from your original world. This is not a European run company, I gather. I've had enough culture shock just here in the US (and I work for a German company), I can only imagine what you must be going through.

    The feeling of needing a break - I know it well. When everywhere you look there just seems no way out! As other posters said, you need to take care of yourself. That's all you can do anyway. Everything else is pretty much out of your control.

    The only way I know how to cope is by exercising and feeding my body well. Actually I'm a lot better at the exercise part than I am at the nutrition part.

    Not quite to menopause yet, and truthfully, I can wait...

    On the plus side, you seem to have a significant other, which is a great thing as far as companion ship goes. I don't even have that :(

    Take a deep breath, take a step back, don't let these people bully you.
    Hope you can find some peace and eventually a way out of this tricky situation.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2897 days ago
  • NATPLUMMER
    emoticon
    2897 days ago
  • STEPHLOKI
    Thanks everyone, I treasure your support. Right now it is just too much.

    Oh, and to crown a bad day, I was told at 3:30pm, that they guy who usually locks the office is not in and I have to lock ths office. Not "can you lock the office", but "you are locking the office".

    My question to the guy who told me:
    You knew since morning that the other chap is not on, why couldn't you tell me early. Well at least it looks like this will not be too much overtime, since no one of teh sale team has a tender they are working on, so maybe I will be out of here by 6pm, which is in 15 minutes.

    Still delays my date...... Food is ready at home, so I wont have to cook.

    Problem wiht my body is that, no matter what I do, I am piling on fat, all around the stomach, people have started suspecting again that I am pregnant. That adds insult to the injury, since it still hurst that I never was able to get pregnant......And I hate the way I look, especially since I worked so hard on exercise during the christmas break and did not eat treats or attend any parties (ok for other reasons), from my logging in food I see no problem area. aarrrggggh it is not fair......

    Anyway, let me hope I can get home soon and try & relax.
    2897 days ago
  • IFDEEVARUNS2
    Your body is a superb one that is handling all of this the best way it can. Vent here, but don't hate your body.
    I'm with you on the menopausal issues; it sucks, but remember that it will not last forever. Appreciate your body for everything it does so well for you.
    Hang in there! emoticon emoticon
    2897 days ago
  • LAURIE5658
    Oh Steph, I am so sorry you are going through this stuff. I really have no words of advice but I want you to know that I care and have many {{{hugs}}} to offer. Come here any time and simply brain dump.

    emoticon
    2897 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6329775
    Thankful for Spark and a place to put all of these feelings....

    I agree - don't hate your body Steph! It sounds like it is (you are) one of the few beings you can rely on right now.

    Your work environment and expectations do sound awful and it is definitely affecting your health. I wish I had some perfect advice for you so that you could change all these issues easily.

    I know this.... You are important and as "selfish as it sounds" you are the MOST important person in your life. You are smart and, my guess, can handle the workload if it weren't for the "screaming" intimidation used by the directors and ineffectiveness of the engineers.

    emoticon to you!


    2897 days ago
  • STEPHLOKI
    MSMANYLEE, thanks for your sweet words
    2897 days ago
  • MSMANDYLEE
    Don't hate your body, it's the only one you have.....work hard because you love your body. :)
    Take a break because you love your body
    I find that yoga is good for both the mind and body
    HANG IN THERE!!!! emoticon
    2897 days ago

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