Sunday, February 10, 2013

I see that I have not blogged in over 900 days. I just could not. After a wonderful vacation in New Orleans and then off to Fl for a few weeks, my DH said he just did not want to be married anymore. There were no signs of trouble, we laughed and talked and explored etc. I thought we were actually two of the 'lucky ones" who had a great marriage. There was no one else in the picture. He actually abandoned me at a friend's house in Fl and just left (we were currently living in Niagara Falls, NY). I totally fell apart, the pain was horrific, I could not eat and lost an awful lot of weight (not the good way). I wanted to die and even did not want to share with my Spark Friends.
Anyway, we ended up divorced. Sure made me feel stupid and a failure.
Turns out, that I moved upstairs of my mom and step dad (86 and 88), tore apart a bathroom (I sound like Judy), threw up a lot, took over caring for the oldsters and used my nursing skills to assist until my wonderful, loving step-dad passed at 90. Then I had to clean out 40 yrs of stuff .... LOTS of stuff, settle the estate of which I knew nothing about etc, etc. I know some of you have had to do the same thing.
I ended up selling their house in less than 24 hours and I bought a ranch for my mother and I. I never thought I would be now 69 and living and caring for my totally dependent mom. Good thing I worked out with Spark etc so I am still in good shape. Also scraping the popcorn ceilings, painting the entire house, rototilling a garden, laying tile etc has been therapeutic. I now have Hospice coming in 3x / wk to shower her. She is showing some signs of dementia in the evening (Sundowning) but otherwise she is wheelchair bound so cannot get into any mischief. I have no time for myself (luckily she is napping right now so I am trying to hurry with this) and my schedule is entirely run by her wants and needs.
I am trusting God to give me grace and patience and keep me from falling by getting resentful or angry. I just want to have some "me time" since I feel the clock ticking.
I am hoping to be able to get back with the friends I have made at SP and start logging etc. I have no idea how much wt I have gained, I am just going by how my clothes fit. I wear a 10 so I know I must keep track now because I was wearing a 6 (rarely) and mostly an 8 and was down about 30ish pounds. Going through the divorce was when the 6's were falling offf. It was difficult to cook for the oldsters who had set ways of eating and me cooking for them in their kitchen. I have been much more on track the last month or so since things have settled down. It just feels so darn good to be eating right.
I have thought of all of you so very often since I left and hope all is well with all of you.
Maybe I will even get some time to check your blogs. I missed you.
Oh, oh... just heard mom call. Whew! Just in time. Hugs to all.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    OMG! Daisy, this is awful. My emoticon goes out to you. I have been in your shoes. My mom passed away in Dec. '11 at the age of 100 & 6 mos. She lived the last 6 mos. in assisted living and was none to happy about it. So I can relate to that part of your story. Please come by 50+FFFF when you have time. WE have missed you!!
    1956 days ago
    1958 days ago
    Welcome back. I have missed you - actually just the other day I was thinking of asking Judy if she had heard from you. It's good to see you!

    emoticon emoticon
    1958 days ago
    I guess many have gone through the reverse roles of being caretakers for our parents. I did it for many years and when they were gone even though it was really difficult I felt such a void in my life. Maybe you can get some outside help from hospice to give you some time for yourself. Talk to them to see if you qualify for respite relief. Good luck!!!
    1958 days ago
    What a rotten couple of years...While I've never been married, I have gone through the death of my parents and cleared out a house with 50 years worth of stuff. I've also scraped popcorn ceilings!!! You've done well to notice our need to get back to SP...After a 115 lb. weight loss, it's now taken a 40+ pound weight gain to get me back. Hugs to you!
    1958 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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