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What do you do with the pain of pain when it comes knocking on your door?

Saturday, February 09, 2013

THIS BLOG HAS BEEN EDITED INTO MY OWN WORDS DUE TO A REPORT TO THE COACHES, AND I APPRECIATE THE CHANCE TO DO SO...it is not done with malice it's done in the spirit of personal painful lessons that I've learned and hope to spare you or your precious children from.

I've never been one to live in the past. I try to take my lessons as they come, learn from them and then move on.

We really can't do anything to change our past, we certainly can take a good hard look at it and try our best to examine why it was brought to our attention in the first place and what we did to contribute to the situation. After the initial burn has passed we'd hope that we can be a problem confronter, an information gatherer, and a clear thinker and a solution finder who also lives in the real world.

Our world is not perfect, so we deal with the hand we've been dealt. It's also worth noting that not one of us...NO ONE is buffered from some pain in life...so if we can...we share our lessons and move on.

Today a big part of our families' painful past was uncovered on a Facebook post by one of Josh's (our son who we lost to a drug overdose) close friends.

This is about the kid that was staying at our house with Josh while we were away on a cruise with many friends celebrating our 28th wedding anniversary. What should have been a joyful and exhilarating event turned into the darkest day of our lives. This is the day that we were notified on a ship out at sea thousands of miles away that our son was dead. It was 7 years ago this coming May, but today it felt as if I had just heard about the tragedy for the very first time.

It's taken me a long time to digest the painful reality that we've lost our son. BUT the kid that we suspect induced Josh's overdose is still out there in the world creating havoc with other parents kids.

I'm editing a post that was brought to our attention for all my wonderful friends that have daughters, but also for the parents who can just as easily lose a son once a psychopath casts his evil shadow to single out and then proceed to snuff out the unsuspecting...those who exist and trust others... even evil ones.. with their trusting white light!

Remember the darkness is ALWAYS drawn to the pure white light.

Here's some of a father's Facebook post edited in my own words:

He tells that he is posting this message as a father who loves his daughter more than life itself and as just another human being has experienced the shock, dismay and horror (and the list continues) that accompanies the knowledge that his daughter has been the victim of ongoing physical and emotional abuse.

He tells us that it is a horrible story that must be dragged into the light, the perpetrator must be exposed. Anyone who can beat a woman half his size so badly that her blackened eyes are swollen shut and her ear drum is so badly damaged that the chances of a full recovery are remote is at the very least a menace to society and especially to women.

He says that this guy has no feelings of remorse whatsoever...in fact he thinks its funny.

I'd like to add that like any sociopath he is incapable of empathy or any feelings of guilt associated with his crimes. He is also a thief and a liar.

Charles states that his victims can be anyone who has the misfortune of simply knowing him. By the time he has weaseled his way into your life you are already on his victim list.

He tells that his family's lives have been permanently scarred, not to mention what this young man has done to is own family who finally had enough and turned him in to the police. He had been stealing them blind for years.

We found this to be true of what he did to destroy our world also with his association to our son Josh. Josh's former employer told us that he would come skulking into Josh's place of work and Josh would ask him to leave...but he waited outside for Josh to get off work like a vulture who circles it's prey.

Charles tells us that after serving jail time you would think; you would hope that he would at least attempt to alter his course a bit, but he hasn't.

He says that he continues to lie, steal and otherwise manipulate those who are closest to him. The name of this hollow shell of a man is Damien R. he lived in our town here in sunny SW FL, I've told many of my friends that I live in Bonita Springs.

He now resides a little north of here in a sleepy little town that is known for it's friendly open people...but this evil could fit in anywhere. I understand when this father tells us that he seethes with anger, hostility and a litany of other nonproductive emotions.

I relate when he crys with despair for what this demon has done to his baby girl, Jesse S.

He tells us that he would post images of her mangled face but she prefers that he not. Like many victims of abuse, she would like to sweep it under the rug, to pretend that none of it happened, that it was just a protracted, intense and surreal nightmare.

But unfortunately, of course, that's not the case and he can no longer sit idly by while this SOB continues to wreak havoc and bring indelible harm to his daughter.

This a warning to all...he says... beware of this person. To all women: Beware of this person named Damien R; his projected persona is just a disguise. He is truly a danger to anyone who has the misfortune of crossing his path.

I say yes...WE do know this to be true...our son is gone, this person took him from us!

A few comments were brought to my attention...this is NOT just one man's rant..these are the kids that went to school with this terrible person...THEY know!

We wish our Josh would have heeded their warnings about him..but Josh was always drawn to the under dog..in this case the underdog manipulated his goodness, his trust, this is the person who lured him to the dark side and he paid for his trust and his goodness with his own death.

Genaro H. (One of Josh's close friends)
I really am not one for sharing things such as this on facebook or spew spam. But since I actually know this piece of garbage who has never once thought to redeem himself, people should know the filth that he is.

Katie G:
I was "friends" with this person. I'm at a lost for words, my heart n prayers go out to her n her family.

Dan K:
People need to know about this piece of garbage. You have taken too much and from now on, deserve to reap what you sow.

Donandbobbi S. Yes, speaking of misfortune...we've met it. It wear's Damien's face.. which how appropriately means 'son of the devil'. (my personal observation)

Donandbobbi S. And speaking of no remorse...how does one who caused a death go so willingly to a memorial crying false crocodile tears? As a mother...I try to move on...but...it's hard to ignore evil..thanks Dan for sharing this. (my personal observation)

Tyler B's observation: That's despicable .. that guy should get his face caved in.

Donandbobbi S. My hubby's personal observation: I only wish that Josh could have seen this years ago...he would have been appalled...he had no patience for any man that laid a hand on a woman...He might still be here with us now...as a father I find this despicable and wish that I could turn back time.

I don't usually trash other people in public and I don't usually ever get sucked into commenting on someone else's rant unless the person involved is one that I know up close and personal. This person does NOT belong in society!

In this case...this kid looks like the typical Mr. Nice Guy...remember Ted Bundy? That's why as parents we can NEVER judge a book by it's cover. Believe me...some of the MOST attractive people are the very one's with heart's black as tar! Go with your gut..get to know a person before you form an opinion...AND until you DO...don't allow yourself to be bowled over by physicality.

One of Josh's most vivid tellings to me came in a dream. He said..."Gee mom, I REALLY like it up here. The people can't fool you by how they look on the outside. You see them from the INSIDE out. You aren't judged by how you look or what you have. You are judged on the good deeds that you share with others. Your goodness is your currency here mom. I like it MUCH better!"

Telling words to share with my friends who are parents...OR my young adult friends here on Spark who are navigating these land mines...telling words indeed.

In the beginning I really believed what Josh told me about Damien that he was a good guy that was just grossly misunderstood. That he was close to his mom and that he worked ALL the time. He hood winked our son and Josh was no 'Gullible Gilda.' But...I always wondered why Josh NEVER brought this kid over to our house...Josh knew...that I would sniff this guy out in a New York minute...he prevented that from happening until the very last moment when I met him while we HAD to leave to catch our boat. I should have followed my instinct and cancelled no matter WHAT our friends thought!

From the time that Josh met this kid it was only 6 short months until he was dead. I never met him before the morning that we left to catch our ship for the cruise. BUT when I did...every hair on my arms stood up. I can sense evil without understanding it.

Damien told me after I demanded to hear what had happened...that he took an entire bottle of Coriceden (over the counter cold medication) so I thought there was NO way he could have called 911 to help our son in his darkest hour. He was staying at the house with Josh and he HAD to have known the fatal circumstances he saw our son in. Josh's film that he left behind proved that he was in WAYYY bad trouble and Damien was in the background goofing off for the camera mugging...as if it were a fun day in the park.

When Josh's dad found that film and it's a miracle that Damien didn't take it from the house...he wanted to go after Damien with a vengeance. But...I chose to forgive... thinking that this gruesome lesson would be a major heart break to him and his family for the rest of his life.

He came to Josh's memorial against my better judgement (Josh's friends wanted blood) and sat with his parents crying like a baby. I thought he was remorseful.

From the recent situation shared by another broken hearted father...it appears that he was just a darn good actor. He hasn't learned a thing from the heartbreak that he has caused. Even jail time for drugs hasn't gotten through to him.

He is a predator. They ARE out there..protect your children from this evil. Protect YOURSELF from this evil.

My heartbreak is your lesson, my hope for him to become a better person was a false hope in the face of undeniable evidence! Sometimes false hope acts as a blindfold that deceives you and an anchor that prevents you from moving forward, don't be the Pollyanna that I and Josh were to people who deserve no second chances.

They ARE out there.

Peace and love!

This reopening of a wound I've been carrying resulted in a terrible eating day. For the first time in YEARS...when we went to the movies...I slathered my popcorn in butter! emoticon

My story about how some people NEVER deserve a second chance may protect you or your child from the reality of this poor beautiful girl's pain. She simply made the mistake of trusting a charming smile glued to the REAL face that hides behind the mask of evil. emoticon

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am so sorry to hear that such a painful wound has been re-opened. .. and I hear you loud and clear about the emotional eating. I'm really struggling myself this past week.

    1929 days ago
    Thank you for sharing such a personal moment with us! I had shared emails with you regarding Josh but opening up your heart this way to warn other people is really inspiring. My heart goes out to you and may you find peace again. Remember all the beautiful things about Josh and may God bless you!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    1929 days ago
    So sorry for your loss!

    Let's hope the girl pressed charges for the beating.
    1930 days ago
  • CINDYW1102
    I am so VERY sorry to read of your pain and anguish. I am the mother of two daughters, and by God's grace, I have not experienced the loss of either one. I say by God's grace, because I was very close to losing my oldest daughter to drugs. She was on the streets for two years; I literally picked her up one day in the median of a highway walking barefoot, strung out, selling her body to buy crack. She became addicted through a relationship with a boy she went to Church with! Evil does indeed moonlight as good sometimes...Please pray to the good God we have above that this young man will be taken off the streets and unable to hurt anyone else soon. I will pray for that also. I know there is a part of your heart which will probably never heal. We are all here for you - this big Sparkfamily. emoticon
    1931 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/10/2013 5:50:34 PM
    That is absolutely horrible what one person can do and has done to so many lives. I'm sorry so much pain has been brought back to the surface again. I'm sorry also that such a horrible human being continues to hurt people. One can only hope that at some point in time karma will come back around to bite him in the a$$! I hope that by posting what you posted that others will be spared.

    At least this person will never take Josh's loving spirit away from you and your husband. I don't understand why this person isn't in jail though. Having one bad eating day after learning that this person continues to hurt others is certainly understandable. It's just one day and I know you will pick yourself back up and start again.

    Sending you lots of BIG HUGE HUGS and lots of LOVE my loving virtual mom! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1931 days ago
    oh Bobby I'm so sorry.... why isn't this kid in jail???
    1931 days ago
  • DS9KIE
    wow what a sad blog and what a horrible person.

    after a blog like this lots of butter on popcorn just doesn't seems soo bad

    Hope your feeling better.
    1931 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/10/2013 2:12:15 PM
    What a slimeball!

    1931 days ago
    1931 days ago
    Big Big Hugs Bobbie! Sorry this has resurfaced and brought back all these feelings about his no good for nothing human being. But thanks for posting and sharing so others will look out. So sad that one person continues to wreck so many lives.
    He will never take away the beautiful spirit Josh was and hope he fills you up with his love and peace at this low time. I know our boys are up there spreading the kindness that they both exuded. Such gentle souls gone too soon. Love you! emoticon
    1931 days ago
    I feel for you as I have been through a similar experience. I lost my younger son, Erin, to a drug overdose in August of 2011. He was a lost soul who was easily influenced by people around him most especially his "best friend", a young woman who many of us feel was responsible for his death. So often we do not know the true colors of those we encounter and sometimes we grow to love and trust them with tragic results. I am so sorry that these tragedies happen. I will never get over the loss of my son and I find it hard to talk about it but I know you understand better than most people.

    We have to stay strong and remember the good and happy times and not dwell on the tragedy.

    1931 days ago
    I send you & your family, even more prayers of peace! You are SO deserving of an amazing life! I will send the prayers you can not, at this time! I hope it helps you, sweet Soul Sister! If there is anything I can do, just ask!

    *~Light emoticon
    1931 days ago
    I am so sorry you are going through this again because of this horrible person. Sending lots of hugs your way and I pray for healing for the hurt you are having to endure.

    1931 days ago
    I am so sorry for all your pain because of the evil son of Satan,God's word states in the Bible Matthew 7 :15 be aware of those that come to you in sheep's clothing for inward they are savage wolves. This is the person Damien was to your family & to your son. On the out side he appeared differently but inside evil.Read Romans 1 verses 28 to 32, this is what this person is that killed your son.You mention Ted Bundy, It is strange when I read that name because I have so little trust because of my child hood that I always think of him when I meet someone, & I also think of John Wayne Gacy photographed with then President Carter & his wife Roslyn, he looked like the perfect person little did the President know he had 32 young boys bodies stuffed in his crawl space murdered by him, he even fooled the FBI.I am so sorry for your pain & loss of your beloved son.By getting the word out maybe you can spare someone elses daughter from his brutality.
    Take care
    1931 days ago
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    1931 days ago
    Wow hugs and sorry all this came back to haunt you and so so sad for that young girl and others that he has lured in.
    1931 days ago
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    1931 days ago
    Wow what a terrible amount of pain and damage this person has caused to so many families.

    I met (dated) a sociopath when I was a young woman. Thank god I broke free before I was damaged or sucked into his lies/deception/substance abuse. They can be charming at first before you see the manipulation that is going on.
    1931 days ago
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