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Rough Few Weeks, FaceBook, and Sparkpeople Friends

Saturday, February 09, 2013

It has been a rough few weeks for me emotionally and mentally.

January 27 was the 5 year anniversary of the car accident that killed my family and changed my life forever. I managed to get through the weekend at Disney World. I drank way more alcohol then I normally do but it helped completely numb me.

Even though I had posted on FB that I wanted friends to leave me alone I did have a few send me text messages anyway and ask how I was doing and told me they were thinking of me. I can honestly say I was really hurt that my best friend wasn't one of those people. She was one of the first people who saw me after the accident in the hospital. She rode in the limousine with me to the funeral. I figured out of everyone she would of completely avoided what I said and text me anyway, but I didn't get anything.

One of my awesome Sparkpeople friends, CARBJUNKIE83 didn't ignore my FB message and sent me a simple "I'm thinking of you today" text. It meant the world to me. We spent 2 rounds together on the BLC challenge. This round we decided to join seperate teams. The last few months have been pretty chaotic for us and we've lost touch for the most part. We'll post on each other's pages on occasion but I really miss my Sparkbuddy. If you read this chicka, CALL ME :)

I decided after the anniversary of the accident that I was going to take a break from FB. I didn't tell anyone and on the 2nd of February deactivated it. This of course caused the world to shake and my mom called me in a complete panic. My grandma had noticed I deactivated it and called her to tell her, thus the reason for calling me.

She had a freak out moment and I explained to her that I was okay. I just needed time to clear my head and didn't wanna hear about all of my family and friends and their happy families. I just couldn't handle it mentally or emotionally. So i deactivated. Its not the end of the world.

Yesterday was the anniversary of their funeral. Most of the last 10 days my days and nights have been backwards and I'm lucky if I'm remembering to eat once a day. Unfortunately, that's how I deal with depression. I was talking with a friend through text last night after she texted and asked me where I had been. She hadn't seen me on FB.

We chatted on and off over the course of the next few hours and John Cena got brought up in the conversation. I told her how big of a John Cena fan Josh was and how I would joke with him "If we ever get divorced I'm running off and marry John." LOL.

I got home last night from going to dinner with Alan and I wnet on Youtube and found the Tribute to the Troops video of John thanking the troops at the end of the show last year. Its a show WWE puts on every holiday season for the troops and their families.

As I watched the video I thought of Josh and smiled. I "shared" the video on my FB after reactivating it and tagged my friend in it. I left FB up for an hour and then deactivated it again after scrolling through it for a few minutes. I made a realization that I spend way to much time on the dang thing and if my friends wanna truly get hold of me there are other ways. I need to stop spending so much time on a social media website.

The link to 2012 Tribute to Our Troops -- John saying thank you
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hugs sweetie. Lots of love during this hard time.
    1899 days ago
    I did the exact same thing you did with my FB back in May. I understand EXACTLY what you are saying!! Love the clip of John Cena. Please know I'm thinking about you! I hope that you are doing okay! (((HUGS)))
    1900 days ago
  • KPACE7
    1901 days ago
    I am so sorry honey. Losing your entire family seems impossible to overcome. I wish I could hug you. I am nearing the anniversary of my daughter's death, 3 years, and while time make it manageable, anything can ignite that pain and it feels like it is happening all over again. During this time, be selfish. Do whatever makes you feel better. I wish you all the best.
    1901 days ago
  • MARYBETH4884
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1901 days ago
    Just so you know, they are people praying for you and hoping that each day that you find more peace than the day before. emoticon
    1901 days ago
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